Ham 'n' Eggs

Well, not a very profound post after a long hiatus (sorry, readers--it's been a long, hard semester), but at least another honest insight into the life of an expat. After three years of being satisfied with sticky-rice, noodles or yogurt milk for breakfast, I woke up this monsoon rainy morning thinking: "Ham and Eggs" (and, if possible, country-style skillet-fried potatoes, with toast, butter, jam, and a hot mocha espresso). Where, oh where, in NE Central Thailand among the rice fields and water bufallo?

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I then remembered a little hole-in-the-wall cafe about 100 meters from the school entrance road. It is reported that the cook once worked at the British Expat Club in Bangkok. "He actually uses white wine in his white spaghetti sauce!" is the tantalizing rumor on the street. That was enough for me. I dressed in my quick-dry clothes (T-shirt, cut-offs & flip-flop shoes) and made a beeline through the heavy, warm rain on my little trusty Honda motorbike.

Arriving, I noticed a couple of other foreign teachers (good sign, I thought), and some English-language National Geographics on a bookshelf (another good sign). Since no waiter/waitress appeared, I made my way back to the kitchen to place my order. There stood a 6-foot (two-meter) heavy-set bearded Thai cook, cigarette dangling out of his mouth, frying something in a skillet--which looked vaguely western. OK, ignore the cigarette ashes flying around the stove, ignore the dirty T-shirt spanning his beer-belly, I'M going to have my Western Breakfast!! I made a few "oink-oink" and hen-cackling noises, and I think he got the idea.

In 10 minutes, there appeared at my little wood table a plate which floated right out of Sawan (Thai for "heaven"). Eggs sunny side up, pan-fried spuds with onions, a slice of ham, and two pieces of toast with a side of butter and marmalade. To top it off, a demi-tasse arrived with steaming-hot mocha to complete the picture I had only dreamed of up until now. I pretended the cigarette ashes were flecks of ground black pepper spicing up my entree. No, I taste it...it really IS black pepper! After falling down to the wet tile floor, and gratefully kissing the big dirty toes of my Thai cook, I jumped into my plate like a starved mad-man who just escaped a Thai prison. Heaven, indeed.

After the last lick of my plate and a couple of satisfied burps, the bottom line: The cost for this taste of Sawan? About $1.25. Arghh! Too expensive! Back to my sticky-rice or noodles tomorrow morning (45-cents). But surely, it will be worth saving up for another taste of heaven, a few months down the road.

Some things are worth the sacrifice.

Why (I Think) I Understand Thai-Isaan Students...

From day one, I felt I had an unusually good rapport with my upcountry students--most of them from poor rural villages. The light just dawned on me today. We actually had very similar childhoods, albeit 35 years apart. Maybe the bamboo shed in the picture is not a good parallel to my childhood Seattle-area home, but the some of the cultural similarities sure ring a bell. I just received this little article in my email today, and reading through it, I was struck by the similarities between my upbringing and current life and culture in Isan. I, too, ask with the author of the following article: Was it "really all that bad?"

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Were you a kid in the "Fifties" or so? Everybody makes fun of our childhood. Comedians joke. Grandkids snicker. Twenty-Somethings shudder and say "Eeeew!" But was our childhood really all that bad? Judge for yourself:

In 1953 the US population was less than 150 million. Yet you knew more people then, and knew them better ...

And that was good.
[Isan: Everyone knows their neighbor and their neighbor's business]


The average annual salary was under $3,000. Yet, our parents could put some of it away for a rainy day and still live a decent life.

And that was good.
[Isan: I'm always amazed at how far a baht can go in Isan.]


A loaf of bread cost about 15 cents...but it was safe for a five-year-old to skate to the store and buy one...

And that was good.
[Isan: Kids securely play and travel long distances without worries.]


Prime-time TV meant I Love Lucy, Ozzie and Harriet, Gunsmoke and Lassie. Nobody ever heard of ratings or filters...

And that was good.
[Thai soap operas: You can hug, but can't kiss on the public airwaves.]


We didn't have air-conditioning...So the windows stayed up and half a dozen mothers ran outside when you fell off your bike.

And that was good.
[Isan: My first motorbike spill was attended by half the town.]


Your teacher was either Miss Matthews, Mrs. Logan or Mr. Adkins. But not Ms. Becky or Mr. Dan.

And that was good.
[Isan: Always the word "Ajarn" precedes your name, which is a term of high honor.]


The only hazardous material you knew about was a patch of grassburrs around the light pole at the corner.

And that was good.
[Isan: In Isan's dusty air, I've inhaled and ingested more dirt than I can estimate. I think it's fat-free. Is that good?]


You loved to climb into a fresh bed ... because sheets were dried outside on the clothesline.

And that was good.
[Isan: I know of no one with a mechanical clothes dryer. Why have one, when a bedsheet will dry in 15 minutes in the tropical sun?]


People generally lived in the same hometown with their relatives. So "child care" meant grandparents or aunts and uncles.

And that was good.
[Isan: The person you meet in the street is only one or two relational steps away from your boss, your co-worker or your landlady. Ergo: You better to be nice to everyone. ]


Parents were respected and their rules were law. Children did not talk back.

And that was good.
[Isan: That's still the unwritten law of the land, here.]


TV was in black-and-white. But all outdoors was in glorious color ...

And that was certainly good.
[Isan: TV is popular, but only at night. Kids actually play outside all day here.]


Your dad knew how to adjust everybody's carburetor...and the dad next door knew how to adjust all the TV knobs...

And that was very good.
[Isan: I use very few "professionals" for fixit jobs. Someone I know, or someone who knows someone always comes to the rescue.]


Your grandma grew snap beans in the back yard...and chickens behind the garage .

And that was definitely good.
[Isan: Your author now grows chili bushes outside his bedroom window, and a cow resides across the lane. Is that close enough?]

And just when you were about to do something really bad, chances were you'd run into your dad's high school coach ... or the nosy old lady from up the street...or your little sister's piano teacher ... or somebody from church--ALL of whom knew your parents' phone number and YOUR first name .

And even THAT was good!

[Isan: Being a farang, you stand out anyway. Better mind your P's and Q's. Word travels fast in Isan. Yes, that does have it's good side, such as when you need to find things like a new apartment, a motorbike part, or a new friend! ]

Monk-ing Around

Monks on vacation at ancient temple ruins.
Pra Vihan temple at Thai-Cambodian border.

Being around Buddhist monks is part of everyday life here in Thailand. If you get up early enough, you can see them, barefooted, walking the highways and byways to beg for their daily food from the local population. We have some monks on staff at nearly every college and university, and one has even been my student.

Every birth, death, marriage, and new-home dedication involves many long hours of chanting by monks from the local temple.

There's another interesting side of monks.... In fact, I thought of a future blog with the title "Monks are people too." For example, I remember raising my eyebrows the first time I saw a group of monks sitting on a bench at a bus stop in Bangkok, all of them smoking. It didn't seem to fit the decorum of a "religious leader", in my western mind. (I had the same problem watching Christian Reformed ministers from Holland lighting up their pipes and cigars at a ministerial meeting in Europe, too.)

A couple years ago, I went with a friend to visit his brother who had recently become a monk. We entered his little bamboo hut on stilts within the confines of the temple compound. He was a big man in his 50's, muscled, rough lines in his face, and a couple of fiery-looking dragons tattooed onto his forearms. All this, cloaked in the saffron robes of a monk, seemed incongruent.

After a short visit which involved my friend bringing food and cigarettes to his brother, I asked him in the pick-up truck on the way home, "What did your brother do before he became a monk?"

"Nothing much. He bounced from job to job, while mostly gambling, drinking, and womanizing." End of conversation. I could only surmise that entering the monkhood was his way of personal reformation.

Or was it?

Here in Thailand, a British expat teacher's former student was recently admitted to the monkhood of a local Buddhist temple. Three months into the student's monkdom, the teacher visited his former student, and here's the eye-popping account of the kid's daily life.

Please don't mistake my tone here, as merely blasting Buddhism. We all know there are charlatans and counterfeits in every religion. (Yup, Christianity has its Jimmy Swagarts, Jim Bakkers, and medieval dueling popes). However, it does stand in contradiction to my impression of a monk's life up to now. It just might shake up your impression too.

And the Adventure Goes On...
JD

Through Thai Eyes - VI

Dear Teacher,

I'm absolutely alive and doing fine here. Thank you so much. I still enjoy working and making the money for school. Since I have to be leaving soon, so I try hard to make money as much as I can.

The wage in America is such interesting. It's totally different from Thailand. I get paid $9 dollars per hour. It's pretty great! Do you notice the workers building the dormitories in our university town in Isan? They get paid just about 180 Baht per a whole long day ($5) !!! The quality of life is so much more different!!!

Does every job in America provide the hourly payment? In Thailand, we get paid monthly; except jobs in fastfood stores like KFC, Pizza Hunt, Chester Grill, Mc Donald etc., that pay the money hourly.

So, are your satisfied with the way you get paid in Thailand? If you were still in America, you'd get paid hourly and can use the money every two weeks, right? But in my country, you have to wait untill the last business day of the last week of each month for getting the money!!!

And well, with the diferent pay rate between Thailand and America, why you left a huge amount of money behind and earn the small one in my country? Because I know that you used to work in the bank, and that you could earn much more money than working in school here. Are you happy with that?

However, I like the way you chose. I like the way you think. I love the way you teach, my professinal teacher. I know that you want to give back the value to the society. You forgot to think of your own benefit but emphasize on the good deed you can do for the society. That's what almost people hardly do so. You're my great teacher.

Some more matters to be discussed, talk to you later my professional teacher.

Your Thai Student in USA

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My Dear Student,

Yes wages are nice and high in the USA, but as you've noticed, expenses are high too! I could only afford to eat out two or three times a week in the USA, and my monthly house payment was more than I earn in one month in Thailand!

Most factory and service jobs in the USA are paid hourly (service jobs like cashiers, fast food stores, hotels, hair salons, etc.) However, most professional (or "white collar") jobs are paid monthly (banking, marketing, teaching, managers in most companies, etc.)

I've been in "white collar" jobs since I graduated from college (teaching, banking, international business, etc.), so I've been paid monthly for all these years. So, it's natural for me to get paid the same way in Thailand. I'm used to "stretching" my budget over 30-31 days!

Because expenses are so low in Thailand (especially Isaan), I can save a higher percentage of my pay in Thailand than I could in the USA. In my home country, despite a high wage, by the end of the month I had no money left. Now, I make less than 15% of that, but I have money left at the end of the month! (Amazing Thailand!) Also, I feel my standard of living is much more comfortable here in Thailand. For me, it's stress-free, worry-free, no car to worry about payments and maintenance, can eat out for all meals, etc.) I almost feel like I'm partly retired!

Meanwhile, my fellow workers and many of my friends back in the USA are slaving away at jobs they don't like, under the pressure of bills (making payments for a house, a car, expensive vacations, etc), and not really enjoying life to the fullest (in my opinion). Some of them are getting physically ill because of the stress they live with. That's not how I want to live the last 1/3 of my life!

Most of my friends and family back in the USA think of me as

#1: very lucky (Thailand has a good reputation among Americans as a friendly country, and with an exotic culture) and...

#2: I'm one of the few people they know who can live out their dreams. I agree with them. :-)

Finally in closing, such kind words from you, my gracious student. You are so perceptive to be thinking about these deeper things which I call "matters of the heart." You are looking beyond the surface of people's actions to try to understand what motivates them. That's a good, life-long exercise in understanding people and life in general, I think!

I've found out that the quality of life is not in "what you have", but it's in "what you don't need." In Thailand I have wonderful warm friends, a very satisfying career, and a chance to broaden my mind and experience by living in a different culture (a dream of mine for more than 20 years before actually doing it!).

Yes, I will look forward to discsussing more with you when you come back. We should have a lunch or two together (along with your friends, if you'd like) when you get home, and talk about your experiences and new perceptions.

It has been so fun to see my own culture through your eyes. It's been an eye-opener! I am very appreciative of your efforts to share your insights. I've been sharing your thoughts with my own friends (in Thailand and USA), and they have enjoyed them fully as well. You have provided a unique understanding to quite a few people, not just your Ajarn!

See you back at the University very soon!
Your Teacher

Through Thai Eyes - V

Dear Teacher,

Spending vacation on beach, jungle hiking, and swimming on Koh Lanta-- one of the most famous, beautiful, pure-natural islands in the South -- is such an excellent vacation which I've kept dreaming of. I'm not sure if I, who is NATIVE THAI, would have a chance in a life
to do like you -- to complete my dream.

Hope you do enjoy your trip and keep it as one of the impressive things you've discovered in Thailand.

Anyway, let me take you to my 'Chapter' ;
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# I love America -- the well-treated environmental country. In here, Virginia, the trees are here and there. I often think that I'm living amoung the forest. Everywhere I go, it seems like the forest. And sure, I like it.

# I've noticed that American people prefer wooden houses to concrete ones. I don't know if the reason was whether woonden house could hold the warmth or prevent the cold, but I absolutely like those wooden house. The houses are usually painted in various styles and eye-grabbing colors. They look lively and noticeable in the distance. They perfectly provide colorful spots to the village or even to the forest. I like them.

# Seems like American people love the green grass. The green grass fields appear everywhere here. No bare lands (or soil) appear. No worry of the dust or mud that would always cause the trouble in rainy season like they do in my coutry. Can you figure out how dirty many buildings in our beloved university becomes during a whole rainy season? It's the muddy foot-steps here and there, all over the buildings! Anyway, with the plenty of that green grass, it looks like every American people has his own football fields on each side of his house. Do you have such that field in your house? Great! And well, I think that's why the American people can walk on every space of the house (even in the bed rooms) with the shoes underneath their feet despite of they were walking outside of their places for a whole day! If they were in Thailand, I cannot imagine how much certainly dirty the houses would become if they did like that! Yak!

# The American people love driving. Everyone drives. Once I asked my colleague who is a high-school student how she goes to school, she said she drives to school every day. Wow! If in Thailand, the high-school students (or even the collegians) driving to school are often considered the rich persons or even hi-so ones! It doesn't seem strange here, right? Well, I think you also got used to driving since you began attendind high-school as well. But, according for your stay
in Thailand, how did you get used to riding the (Thai) motorcycle? Did it take you a long time to succeed your riding? Did you get used to riding through strong sunny-day, hot weather, vehicles' smoke and the flying dust around you in Thailand? Amazing!?!

# The people always greet the other on the streets (or everywhere else) whether they would know each other or not. I think it's good. It keeps me warm and makes me not feel like I'm a stranger for here. If in Thailand, Greeting the strangers is what would make those people feel in the negative way to us.

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The time flies pretty fast. There's only one and a half month left for me to work and gain the unforgettable experience in USA.

I love America.

From Your Student

Through Thai Eyes - IV

Dear Teacher,

Yesterday, we were invited to have a dinner with our bosses in Culpaper, a city next to Washington VA. And what we considered excellent was, it's a Thai resteraunt!!! So great! We hope that this dinner would make us get better from being bored of the food in our canteen so much. You know?, we have like sometimes fried fish, or chinken, sometimes roasted pork or beef, or something like that for our meals. I don't know why don't they sometime cook the food in soup for us. Yes, I really miss all kinds of Kaeng -- Thai hot and spicy soup/curry. So, that's what we expected.... to have for our dinner at that resteraunt.

As soon as we were seated, we immediately ordered what we thought they would full-fill our passion by ourselve, and ordered some food that we figured they're the delicious dishes of Thailand for the bossess. What we got were like Ka Prao Kai, Kaeng Khiaw Wann, Stired Fried Mixed Vegetable, Pad Thai and the outstanding dish ... Tom Yam Kung!

Ka Prao Kai, Kaeng Khiaw Wann, Stired Fried Mixed Vegetable and Pad Thai were pretty good despite the recipes were pretty different from real Thai's ones. However, it's pretty OK. And I was so delighted as well that I could have Prik Nam Pla -- sliced fresh Thai chilli in fish sauce -- as the seasoning for my meal, because at my canteen there's just something like big sweet chilli available there. I/We don't like this chilli at all.

I'm just afriad if the farang tried this Tom Yam Kung and would say "I don\'t think it\'s the most delicious food of Thailand as the entire world talks about." Anyway, I hope other resteraunts in other cities in the USA would be sure of their Tom Yam Kung\'s quality and taste before putting it on the list of their menu. I just want the renown of this dish keeps go on. And I do hope your family had tried the right Tom Yam Kung and are fond of this attractive food looks like nothing interesting in this email. Sounds like I'm complaining rather than discussing the interesting matter with you like always, doesn't it? However, there are many things left to talk with you, my professional teacher. See you next " Chapter "

But, what we found unpleasant was... Tom Yam Khung !!! It didn't represent what we had boasted about its renown to our bosses at all. It appeared like .... six sinked prawns in that clear and sour soup with just a few sliced tomatoes and farang mushrooms floating on above. Its taste was not delicious and, sure, extremely different from the original one! I know that it's hard to get complete recipes (from Thailand) to achieve the dish, but as they can't make the original-like taste, the shouldn't put this kind of Thai food in their menu,right? I'm just afriad if the farang tried this Tom Yam Kung and would say "I don't think it's the most delicious food of Thailand as the entire world talks about."

Anyway, I hope other restarants in other cities in the USA would be sure of their Tom Yam Kung's quality and taste before putting it on the list of their menu. I just want the renown of this dish keeps go on. And I do hope your family had tried the right Tom Yam Kung and are fond of this actractive food!

Looks like nothing interesting in this email. Sounds like I'm complaining rather than discussing the interesting matter with you like always, doesn't it? However, there are many things left to talk with you, my teacher. See you next "chapter."

Your Student

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Dear Student,

Your hard-working teacher is now taking a short break from volleyball at the beach, jungle hiking, snorkeling, and swimming on Koh Lanta during my vacation to check my email. How nice to see your new mail!

I laugh at your experience, because food is so close to our longing for things familiar. I have to relate to you some similar funny situations. For example, when I travel and stay in hotels in Asia, I see advertised "American Breakfast included in room charge!" As I lick my lips, I think, "Oh boy, something familiar!" All night long in my hotel room, my hungry tummy wakes me up and reminds me about that wonderful American Breakfast which will greet me in the morning. The appointed hour comes and I arrive at the breakfast buffet table: cabbage with dressing, short grilled hot dogs, cucumbers, grilled tomatoes, salty orange juice, toast (toasted on only one side) with no butter, and corn salad. I have NEVER seen any of these things in an American breakfast in America! So, I gave up on hotel American Breakfasts long ago.

Then, I go to Seven-Eleven to get a good old American hamburger: I ask for a "hamburger" and get a piece of dried chicken on a bun with tomato-paste & mayonnaise sauce on top. Ugh! Never seen a hamburger like that! "Chicken-burger" is more like it.

So, I then stop at the ice cream shop for a scoop of that wonderful creamy vanilla. They open a hot dog bun, put a scoop of vanilla ice cream in the middle of it, then sprinkle the whole thing with corn and hand it to me with a smile, like I'm supposed to eat it. Unbelievable!

Lastly, I go over to House of Pizza for a good old Hawaiian pizza. Ever had a pizza without cheese? Well, order any pizza on the menu there, and that's what you get. Unthinkable to a westerner! However, the large number of Thai customers who are always there tells me that it pleases someone!

So based on your and my experiences, all I can say is: so sorry, my student, you'll just have to come back to Thailand for your authentic Tom Yum Goong! I tell you what, I just had the best Tom Yum Goong in Thailand last night here in Ko Lanta--ah, big fat juicy shrimp and fresh Thai herb-spices swimming in creamy coconut juice. Oh, so-o-o-o-o good! Making you homesick? I just want to make sure I see you in class in a couple months! Just in case my teaching doesn't bring you back, at least the Tom Yum Goong will lure you back to our beloved university.

Hurry back. Classes start in 45 days. A steaming bowl of Tom Yum Goong is waiting for you!

Your Teacher