Americana in Isaan

Our little university town sports a surprising variety of foreign restaurants and eateries including Japanese, Vietnamese, Korean and American* cuisines (*if you'd call KFC and Mister Donut a "cuisine").

My absolute favorite "foreign" restaurant, however, opened up a couple years ago about two miles from my house. It's called "The Living Room," and does a perfect job at creating a nice American-style living room atmosphere; complete with sofas, coffee tables, American movies on the big LCD screen (satellite Star Movies), and soft jazz playing in the background.

Half of The Living Room restaurant is furnished with living room settings where you can sip a nice beverage and snack on appetizers (tempura, buffalo wings, etc.), and then later move to the large dining tables for the feast.

The menu is eclectic (Thai, Isaan, Japanese, Italian and American) with only the best of ingredients used by a very well-trained Thai chef.

My favorites are:

• BBQ Ribs (the Texas BBQ sauce is a dead ringer for anything you could get in San Antonio!). The rack of ribs is huge and very meaty.
• Giant New Zealand mussels (I mean they are BIG, with just a touch of mozzarella cheese on each one before they are put under the broiler),
  
• The huge "Deluxe Ceasar Salad" with deep-fried shrimp buried among the grated Parmesan cheese, croutons, and zesty blue cheese dressing
• The Japanese tempura (delicately batter-dipped onions, carrots, shrimp, potatoes, broccoli, and asparagus)
• And, the Italian Calzone (like a pizza made into a turnover). Full of ham, cheese, onions and peppers.
  

Price? About a half or third of the cost in a western restaurant back home in the USA.

Background: The owner also runs a successful British Pub in downtown Bangkok, and has really duplicated an authentic English atmosphere there. Last month on a trip to the Big Mango, stopped by for fish & chips and watched the British soccer matches on the seven or eight huge LCD screens surrounding the dining area. Just like lolly-gaggin' in Brighton, Old Chap!

Of course, after visiting this successful restaurateur's Living Room here in Isaan, I have to double my exercise routine and live on water for a couple of days to counteract the calories and cholesterol, but that's the price of a real treat. Yep, living in a remote location in a foreign country is especially nice when you know the comforts of home may be only five minutes away!

Photographer's apologies: it was a phone cam in dim light.
Thai Proverb: The poor dancer always blames the dummer.

Ethical Dilemma

OK, you've just finished a six-hour bus trip and your bladder is about to burst. Yes, the whites of your eyes have already turned yellow. The moment the bus pulls into the station, you make a mad dash to the restrooms, and this scene greets you:

The charge for using the restroom is two baht (six cents).

You only have a 100-baht note ($3.50) in your pocket, and certainly need change, because the taxi is going to cost you 85 baht.

The only one in sight who can give you change is the attendant who is fast asleep. She's probably a working mom with three kids and two jobs and has just pulled an all-night shift somewhere cleaning someone's office.

Remember, your bladder is bursting. You are mere milliseconds from wet underwear.

OK, you Ethical Giants out there, what do you do?

Unexpected and Amazing

Every night I "power-walk" around the school gymnasium for a half hour to keep the old ticker going. One of the things I enjoy while walking is listening to a Podcast of some of my favorite speakers.

Last night I was listening to one of Charles Swindoll's better broadcasts where he tells the story of Mephibosheth. This incident is embedded in the story of King David's life in the Bible. "M" was a handicapped son of a royal rival family which had earlier fled the palace, fearing assasination. There are literally dozens of analogies between this man's story and the story of a gracious God who helps people who have no hope. A perfect picture of "grace."

Swindoll was at his most eloquent in his teaching of this point, and just as he reached a climax, I heard the strong melody and harmony--then the words in English-- of "Amazing Grace." But it was not on my earphones. It was being boomed over the loudspeaker in the gymnasium area, where hundreds of Thai kids were noisily enjoying evening sports and exercise.


The music was even louder than my little iPod earphones, and I stopped in my tracks. The combination of hearing 'M's' story and this traditional gospel hymn being publicly broadcast--in remote northeast Thailand, no less--left me a bit stunned.

I felt like shouting to the crowd: "Hey everybody! Stop and listen! Do you know what those words are all about??" I wanted to tell them about John Newton, the composer, who had once commanded England's slave ships filled with hopeless souls bound for a life of servitude in the New World--until God changed his heart and turned him 180 degrees. I wanted to tell them about a shepherd Who looks for lost sheep on the dark mountain when all hope of rescue is gone.

I will, in time, one by one...

The throngs of students unwittingly carried on with their basketball, volleyball, weightlifting, breakdancing and fencing practice throughout the song, no one lifting an ear nor eyebrow to the profound words and music that permeated the air around them. I have no idea who or for what reason the hymn was sent over the university campus P.A. system.

Regardless, I know at least one person caught the full impact.

**********************

Below, watch and listen to the history and words of "Amazing Grace,"
as told and sung by a possible descendant of John Newton's slave-prisoners...



You can read the about Mephibosheth and his story here.

The Spirit vs. the Letter of the "Law"

From the back, it's a photo of my Thai barber doing his
"law" magic on the customer seated in front of him.

Interestingly, the word for "handsome" in the Thai language is pronounced "law." When I first started going to this guy for haircuts six years ago, I noticed after every haircut, he pronounced "law" with a big smile as I stepped down from the barber chair. After a couple times I went home and checked my dictionary and immediately decided this guy was a GOOD barber. You don't get compliments like that every day, so might as well soak it in once a month at haircut time. It was a good working relationship. The more energetic the "law" sounded, the bigger the tip.

Until.....

About six months into my new customer-barber mutual appreciation sessions, I showed up at the shop to get my mane trimmed, and took notice of another customer already in the chair. He was about 80 years old, very thin--almost emaciated, a dark wrinkled face that that would make a Chinese Shar-Pei jealous, hardly a tooth in his head, and a few whisps of white hair on a mostly bald head--which, for some reason, he was having trimmed.

Sure enough, at the end of his haircut, this shriveled geriatric hobbled down from the chair, and the barber started beaming. Instinctively, I knew what was coming next. He would utter....that....word....

I can barely think about it now. It was like watching a slow-motion slasher movie. I stared in horror at my barber brandishing a straight razor in the air and slowly opening his cavernous maw. The slow-motion "Nooooooooo" reeled through my mind as I imagined myself, arms outstretched and flailing, lunging at the barber to shut his mouth.

But before my thoughts could turn to deeds, that guttural sound slowly spilled out like a river of lukewarm lava-- "LAW."

Adding insult to injury, he gushed it out twice. "LAW, LAW."

Soaking it all in, of course, the near-toothless farmer grinned and paid his 50 baht, plus a generous tip. Bigger than my tips. Of course they were bigger. He had more reason show his gratitude.

*********

Yeah, I still get my haircuts there, but no more do I trust a single word from this traitor, particularly his discourses on the "law."

JD

P.S. After my epiphany, I then started asking other questions to myself, such as: "If I was 'law' AFTER the haircut, what was I BEFORE the haircut?" The suspicion about The Truth continues to mount.

The Strange Tastes of Thailand 2

In addition to ice cream-in-a-bun-sprinkled-with-corn, there are plenty more strange tastes to be found in Thailand.

Bag on left: garlic soft-shelled crab flavored potato chips

Bag on right: hot chili squid flavored potato chips

YUM!

The clever big snack companies (Lays, Pringles, etc.) have done a spectacular job catering to local tastes. The above pictures shows two pretty normal looking bags of potato chips--until you take a closer look at the small picture and read the Thai. For people who live hundreds of miles inland from the sea, it's remarkable that all seafood ranks high on their list of "most desirable flavors." It's even more remarkable (to me) that many of the creatures we think of as saltwater, ocean-going creatures are also found in fresh water ponds hundreds of miles inland such as shrimp, crab, clams and mussels.

Here we go with another snack to spice up
your all-night slumber party!

Last night I dropped by the local bakery which has the normal looking stuff--cookies, brownies, cakes-- along with a number of Thai oddities. I bought what looked like a normal sweet bun filled with something (I expected Bavarian cream of course). When I got home and cut it open (I've long learned not to bite first) out poured warm, translucent mayonnaise and shredded pork, which has the consistency of very coarse cotton candy.

Looks innocent, heh?

Mayonnaise and pork from a bakery? Yup. A cold cooked hot dog wiener buried in what looks like a Danish pastry is pretty popular too. So be careful when you buy that Danish to go with your morning coffee. You may end up looking for the ketchup for dipping your Danish hot dog.

Sorry, all breakfast pastry chow hounds in the West.
That's a wiener buried in that Danish
(with a little ketchup tossed on top).

And the adventure goes on. . . .

The Strange Tastes of Thailand

One of the exciting things about living in a new culture is the chance to sample never-before-imagined combinations of food and flavors. Now, here's a popular yoghurt from the 7-11 convenience store here in Thakhonyang village. It's made by a Thai-Japanese company (CP-Meiji), but tailored for the Thai palate.

The flavors tossed into the yoghurt? Corn, red beans, and lotus seeds. Don't knock it (or gag) 'til you've tried it!

Reminds me of my first week teaching in Thailand.

I noticed that the college's canteen had a little ice-cream kiosk, and I hadn't sampled it yet. Picturing a little sundae dish piled high with vanilla ice cream (and maybe a spurt of chocolate syrup with nuts sprinkled on top) I used my fledgling Thai to place my order.

"Ow ice cream krahp!"

My eyes widened as the vendor-lady pulled out a hot dog bun. Yes, a hot dog bun. Then loaded two scoops of semi-hard vanilla ice-cream into it, and sprinkled the whole affair with cooked corn kernels and a few peanuts!

Well, couldn't complain, it only cost me 10 baht (30 cents) and all of the components appeared edible. Never to waste a penny or a baht, I tried it. Not bad! Not my first choice, either.

Photo from http://travel.webshots.com/photo/1210030521060791658oVrpTn

That same year, I was part of a review panel for hiring a new vocational college president in a nearby province. We were served lunch midway through the day, and for the drinks they served what looked and tasted exactly like warm canned creamed corn (but just a little soupier).

What is it with the CORN?