Think and Do the Opposite.  You'll be OK. 

Living in any new culture brings challenges.  However, when that new culture presents opposite ideas and practices from what you were once used to,  those challenges can be particularly problematic.   Here's a list of "opposites" I've compiled from living over 15 years in Thailand.  Caveat:  A number of these observations may be more specific to upcountry Thailand as opposed to more touristy or westernized areas such as Bangkok or Phuket.   Go ahead.  Scratch your head.  

• They make fake tofu from egg whites instead of making fake egg whites from tofu.

• A pat on the head is an insult, unless you do it to a child.  Even then, the situation better be appropriate. 

• A silent person is an angry person.   The quieter a Thai gets, the more worried you should get.  

• Blowing your nose is impolite. Picking your nose is ok. 

• When you take out a loan, you pay interest on the original balance every month, not a decreasing balance. 

• At the table you cut your meat (pork, beef, sausage) with your spoon.  

• "Finger-lickin' good" is not a good KFC ad.  When Thais eat there, they ask for a fork and knife to eat it with because they think it's hi-so (high society).  However, they eat Thai-style chicken with their hands. 

• If you get electrocuted because of a frayed wire, it's not because of poor safety practices, it's because you were unlucky.

• Cows go to spas and humans go to breeding clinics.

• Restaurants have toilet paper on the tables and restrooms have none. 

• You dip your dishes in tepid water to rinse; but you spray your derriere with a dish sprayer in the restroom.

And my favorite, driving practices...

• Cars have the right of way in zebra crossings.  Nobody has ever seen a zebra at a zebra crossing, so don't worry about it. 

• When cars flash their lights at you it means get out of the way.  I'm coming through no matter what.   On the nation's highways, this is an aggressive action.  

• Don't honk your horn unless you want someone to stop and beat your brains out with a bat.   Honking your horn is ranked right up there with obscene gestures.  

• Vehicles coming  at you in your lane is normal.   Deal with it. 

• A driver isn't insured.  The car is insured.  They don't care who the driver is or what their driving record.

• When you hear or feel something going wrong with your car, you don't take it in for a diagnosis.  You wait until the car stops running.

A Quick Primer for First-time Visitors to Thailand

A short few years ago, my nephew came to Thailand for the first time.  If I must say so myself, I took his parameters into account, designed, and executed a "world-class" tour of Thailand. Actually, I had been doing this for individuals and groups for a half-century in the USA, Canada, and Asia. Experience includes high school and college senior trips, industrial tours, ski trips (in the USA, Canada and Japan), cultural tours, adventure hiking, wilderness survival treks and more.  If other vocations fall through, at least I have "tour guide" and "tour agency" to fall back on.  Applying my experience to my nephew's first trip to Thailand, we pulled off a tour to remember (marred by just a day and-a-half recovering from food poisoning. Ah yes, can happen to the most experienced, jaded tourist).

Since moving to Thailand nearly 15 years ago, I've traveled the length and breadth of the country by jet, propeller plane, bus, pickup, speedboat, ferry, taxi, van, songthaew, samlor, tuk-tuk, motorbike, bicycle,and on foot. I've been on group tours (6 to 150 persons), but mostly enjoyed independent travel. I've traveled first class through fourth class (just a little under "backpacker" status).

For Thailand first-time travelers, I decided to put in writing my best tips for Thai travel.  I'm hoping a first-time tourist will stumble across this blog entry and make use of it.  Comments are welcome--especially if you disagree.

GENERAL TIPS

There are certainly generic tips for the traveler to Thailand which should apply to most people, as follows.

• Do NOT drive in Thailand (renting cars, jeeps, motor bikes, scooters). Thailand has the second-highest road deaths in the world (only exceeded by Lybia). = It is dangerous because many Thais do not have licenses (ergo: no driver's training) or are underage. Enforcement of traffic laws is spotty  Further, the Thai mentality on the road is what I call "brinksmanship." Cut as many corners and engage in as many dangerous maneuvers as possible to show your driving "acumen." Passing on corners/hills, speeding, tailgating, and erratic lane changes are commonplace.  Thousands of tourists DO rent cars/motorbikes, but they have a disproportionately higher rate of road deaths than even the general populace, because they don't understand Thai road mentality. I had five accidents in my first year (riding a motorbike), and only by the grace of God am I writing blog entries years later.  I now drive a monster pickup (my "tank"), but still have close calls nearly every day. I've had at least six guardian angels suffer breakdowns.  OK, hopefully I've made my point.

• To travel over 200-300 kilometers, I would use the discount airlines (Air Asia, Nok Air, Tiger Airlines, Kan Air, Lion Air).

• If you must take a bus for longer distances, do not use overnight buses. That's when the vast majority of bus accidents happen. We literally have 1-2 fatal bus accidents every week here, as drivers are untrained and the equipment is faulty.  Almost all happen between midnight and 6am.

• Aside from discount airlines travel, my favorite mode for long distance is by rail. Train routes are not plentiful, but they do get you between some of the major areas of Thailand.They are slow, but safety and relaxation are the trade-offs.  Further, you can save a hotel bill by traveling overnight.  I prefer 2nd class sleeper coach (air conditioned, comfortable and clean beds, etc.). During the day, they fold up the beds into seating arrangements. I suggest taking all your food with you on the train as train-provided fare is expensive and sub-standard. Thailand has just initiated online rail ticket booking (https://www.thairailwayticket.com/eTSRT/), so making arrangements ahead of time is convenient. 

• Here's a helpful link regarding information for visiting Thailand from the USA Embassy in Bangkok:  https://th.usembassy.gov/u-s-citizen-services/local-resources-of-u-s-citizens/lr/

• As in all third-world and developing countries, tourist scams are big.  Here's a helpful article from the USA Embassy as well:https://th.usembassy.gov/u-s-citizen-services/common-scams/. While tourist scams are a problem, I believe Thailand is more tourist-friendly, and a safer destination than most of the 10 ASEAN countries. Certainly better than the ones I've traveled in: Laos, Vietnam, Malaysia, The Philippines, and Myanmar.

• Food Safety: While the wonderful tastes of Thailand, especially the prevalent street food, need to be tried, there are a few tips which will contribute to good travel health.  Eat only food that has been cooked on order, or very recently cooked (within a couple of hours). Drink only bottled water that has a plastic seal. Be careful about ice (it can come from questionable sources). When unsure about the sanitation of a restaurant, I always check the restroom. It's a good indicator of how clean the kitchen probably is. Even with the above precautions, bring some medications for diarrhea and stomach upset. My nephew and I were laid up 1.5 days with food poisoning on our trip. (Excuse the earlier “world-class” reference).  But I had checked the restroom AFTER we ate! Bad move!

• Seven-11 convenience stores are everywhere in Thailand. They'll save your neck at least once or twice while traveling here. Uniform quality of products, good service, and products familiar to westerners are the attraction. You can find umbrellas, mosquito spray/lotions, tissues, toiletries, simple medications (cough remedies, band-aids, etc.) and quick snacks here. You can buy a cheap cell phone and buy minutes for it.  I even pay all my utility bills and airline ticket purchases at 7-11's. My friend pays his car payments there. Our uni. students can pay their tuition bill there as well. Quite versatile.

• One additional thought on tourist scams (previous email). Almost NEVER will a Thai stranger approach you and initiate conversation. Generally, Thais are very shy with foreigners.  If one does approach you, you can be sure he has something up his sleeve. Be cautious.  

• Always count your change in front of the change-giver. It's not considered rude. Always check the math on the restaurant bill in front of the waiter/waitress. It's also not considered rude. Reason? Not necessarily a scam. However, math skills are generally much lower than in the West. It's usually a genuine mistake.

RESTROOM TIPS:

• Few restrooms outside of Bangkok have toilet tissue. If fact, generally Thais do not use TP. They prefer a water spray which is installed near most toilets. If TP is used, it is to be tossed into the restroom waste can---not down the toilet (as Asian sewer systems cannot handle TP). So, if you must use TP, carry a travel packet of tissues with you.

• Also, carry a small bottle of bug spray for the restroom mosquitos (sometimes even handy for your hotel room). Dengue fever and malaria are a travel risk in Thailand, borne by mosquitos.

• Most restrooms (even at the airports) have nothing to dry your hands with after washing.   Men usually use their handkerchiefs or "drip dry," and women use tissues they carry with them.  Many restrooms in restaurants have a "common towel." Stick with your hankies and tissues!

• Although western-style toilets are much more prevalent than when I first arrived 15 years ago, chances are you'll still run into an Asian squat-style toilet. A primer on navigating an Asian-style squat-toilet is hilariously found at http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/112823-thai-toilet-etiquette/.

GENERAL THAI ETIQUETTE

• The foot is considered a repulsive (even offensive)  part of the human anatomy (think "mooning" someone with one's derriere).  Don't rest your foot on a chair or table.  While sitting, don't point it at anyone who can see you  (like in a room of people sitting in a circle).  Don't use your foot to retrieve an eating utensil or anything else you may have dropped. By all means, don't step on Thai money with the king's image on it (a jailable offense). I gestured with my foot toward a low-hanging painting of Thai-royalty in an art museum once, and I thought my Thai guide would pass out from shock.

• Generally Thais are much more soft-spoken than Westerners--especially Americans.  Talking in a loud voice in restaurants, on public transportation, or in personal conversation in a room is considered crude.  Exception to the rule:  drunk Thais, and "country Thais" trying to get someone's attention.  In this case, some of the Thai ladies' voices can crack concrete.  

• When visiting temples:  no sleeveless shirts/blouses, no shorts, and take off your shoes.

• At a restaurant, the waiter/waitress will give you the menu and then stand there while you peruse it, waiting to take your order. This drives westerners crazy. Just ignore the waitperson and take your time. It's not considered rude.  If you tell them to go away until you decide, you may never get them to come back in a reasonable amount of time. In their mind, telling them to go away was rude.

• Never, ever, say anything negative about royalty or inquire into the personal details of royalty (sensitive history, health, assets, etc.).  It is a criminal offense as Thai lesè majeste laws are strictly enforced.

• Right now, Thailand is ruled by a military junta. Any public criticism of the current government is ill-advised in public conversation or on social media.

• Restaurant dishes are rarely served all at once. The appetizer may come at the end of the meal. The dessert might come somewhere in the middle. After everyone is done eating, one dish might still be on its way. Normal.

• When conversing with a new Thai friend, the following are common topics of questions you'll get on the first meeting:
• What religion are you? Are you a Christian?
• What do you think about Donald Trump? 
• Can you eat spicy (spicy-hot) food?
• How much is that ring? (camera? necklace? iPad? etc.)
• Are you married?
• How much money do you make? (my response: "Never enough")
• Possibly other "personal" questions.  Roll with it. No harm meant.

• The "third gender" is very prevalent in Thailand.  Thais often use the English "ladyboys" and "toms").  This social phenomenon is more open than in the West. Must be something in the water.  After your initial shock of meeting a few, just ignore it, is my best advice.

• One more thing, however: one of the greatest things about living or visiting Thailand is the wonderful food. One of the best internet sources about Thai food is from a British guy who teaches school here, Richard Barrow.  I think he's been here for about 20 years.  Here's his Thai food blog: http://paknam.com/thai-food-blogs/  It's well worth the read for someone planning to come here for a week or a lifetime.  I dare anyone to read it without becoming ravenous.

CUSTOMIZE IT

Of course, to tailor a first-rate trip to Thailand, travelers must also consider the following additional variables, especially in regards to destinations and activities.

1) Age range.

2) Travel style:  Backpackers (hostels and buses)? "Comfort travel" (higher-end hotels, jet travel, etc.)?   Or somewhere in between?

3) Interests:   Into adventure (jungle trekking, zip-lines, adventure sports, etc.)  or culture/history/landmarks, or natural beauty?  (Or a combination of any of those?)

4) Activities:  Do they like sea-related activities? (kayaking, island-hopping, soaking in the sun on a beach, swimming, snorkeling, diving, etc.?  Are they into "city life?" (clubs, bars, plays, movies, etc.)?   Do they like to shop (light souvenir purchases; or heavy shopping for clothes, collectibles, etc.)?

5) Overall goals: Do they prefer the established tourist destinations within a country, or are they into "off the beaten-track" travel?

*****************

Putting the earlier general tips together with the variable factors immediately above, a traveler's first-time visit to Thailand should consist of less unpleasant surprises, and more delightful unexpected experiences.

Happy traveling!

Keeping a Straight Face in the Land of Smiles

Yes, name your restaurant/inn after your impressive nickname!

One of the joys of teaching in Thailand...

How do you keep a straight face when you're calling roll, using students' nicknames with the likes of...

Beer (girl)

Golf

Dung

Dong

Poo

Moo

Rat

Prim (guy)

Air

And one first name I was never able to negotiate without a blush: Terdsak

Yes, self-discipline of one's facial muscles is a primary requisite for a foreigner teaching in the Land of Smiles.

Thailand's Bad Rap

I get this question a lot from people who haven't been to Thailand:  "I hear that there is a thriving sex trade in Thailand.  What about it?"

  

The sex trade is there, but it's overblown by western media. Most Thais are embarrassed by this reputation which is geographically centered around two cities-- about 5% of Bangkok and 20% of Pattaya, a seaside resort city. It continues because of the power of the mafia over law-enforcement, not unlike parts of Italy (Sicily) or modern-day Russia. In fact, it's the infusion of the Russian mafia into Pattaya which has given a recent boost to this social problem. 

Despite the problem, it's important to realize it's geographical size and activity are limited to real estate smaller Las Vegas, Reno, or seedy areas of New York City or Chicago.  In fact, it's considerably eclipsed by those USA venues of sleaze. 

Yes, it's there, it's wrong and it is a blight on the Thai reputation. But, just as we wouldn't judge all Americans by what goes on at the street corners of Times Square or at the legal brothels of Nevada, we shouldn't similarly judge the Thais. 

In a sense, the reputation of Thailand is being held hostage by western "news-tainment." I've seen some of the documentaries, which are quite "hyped" around a core of truth. However, for every sensational documentary on Thailand's sex trade, you could produce 100 documentaries on family-centered village life, with 1950's American morality--which is the real Thai scene. On the other hand, the latter type of documentary just doesn't pump up the viewer numbers for those Nielsen ratings in the west, of course. 

Hope that helps balance the picture!  Better yet, please come to Thailand and see for yourself. For most places outside of the venues mentioned above, it will be like you've been transported back to 1950's or 1960's Anytown, USA in terms of morality, human relations, and social interaction. 

Dogs & Culture

PLEASE HELP ME EXPLAIN TO MY THAI STUDENTS . . .

...the American idiom "Work like a dog." Crossing this cultural divide seems like a hopeless task.

After gardening, laundry and cleaning the house all day in 90-degree heat, my Thai friend called up and asked me what I'd been doing.

"Ajarn J, today your day off? Oh, that's right, it's Saturday. The easy life of teachers! What have you been doing today?"

"Working like a dog, of course!" I exclaimed in my most exhausted-sounding tone.

Silence.

Other times I'm met with a mock "Oh, you poor thing..." response from the shallowest recesses of the Thai heart.

Why this lack of sympathy?

The Thai dog is the epitome of laziness. He lies around all day and sleeps, sometimes even in the right-of-way of a busy road, too lazy to move even a foot out of harm's way (yes, and many suffer the logical consequences).

At night he only wakes for a few moments to bark at passing Thai ghosts (according to my Thai friends) and then just as quickly falls back into his blissful dream state.

There's not a single Thai dog I know who works for a living where 90% of Thais live (the boondocks). Most Thai dogs "adopt" a business, an apartment building, a city hall--and live on the handouts of kind strangers; something I have not yet learned how to do myself.

What are the responsibilities of the dog who adopts a human or establishment? Sleep and eat. Oh yes, and bark a couple times a day when someone steps on their territory. Oh, yes, and go after the foreigner in fang-baring packs just to remind him he's not a native. That's it.

Work like a dog? No sympathy here.

And the adventure goes on,

JD

East Influences West

I've come across a number of interesting ways in which the East, particularly Thailand, is influencing my country of origin, the USA. I will keep adding more examples to this article as I come across them. Meanwhile, here are a few starters.

• The USA is saturated with Muay Thai (Thai boxing) schools; one being less than a mile from my former home in Tacoma, Washington.
  
  
• Human interest story (from a podcast): Thailand's "Sriracha" sauce takes the U.S. by storm. Love those spicy buffalo wings sold at baseball games and popular restaurant chains? Thank Thailand for a hot chili sauce that I thought only I was enjoying in Thailand. Named after a town near Bangkok, where the sauce originates the condiment can now be found on most store shelves in the USA.
  
  Recently this sauce has beat out tomato ketchup as America's preferred condiment--now THAT is momentous!
  
  
• And in a deeper vein, religious/philosophical influence is reaching significantly into the lives of Americans. Read on . . .

Thai Buddhist Temple at Five Mile Lake, Sumner Washington.

This temple's property adjacent to the former

Glendawn Baptist Bible Camp.

The Baptist Bible camp was disbanded and sold,

but the newly-built Buddhist temple is apparently thriving.

The above photo was taken three years ago and the temple was a total surprise when I visited the site of a summer camp I attended as a child. Here are a few more items of interest on the same topic...

• News item (from a recent podcast): Alabama's highest-security men's prison institutes two-week Buddhist Thai-style meditation courses for hundreds of inmates. The prison (a Baptist) chaplain comments that it seems to work, so he can't knock it.
  
  
• From an ad in the Seattle Times (below). The type of meditation classes are from a Thai-branch of Buddhism called Theravada.
  
  Kadampa Meditation Center Washington
  "Everyone welcome! Meditation classes are offered at the Temple in Ballard on Sunday mornings and Monday evenings. We also offer a Learning to Meditate lunchtime class on Monday, Wednesday and Fridays. These classes are suitable for all individuals whatever their level of interest, from those who seek simple relaxation to those who wish to find lasting inner peace and contentment through following the Buddhist path.
  
  Classes in Buddhism and meditation are also offered at over a dozen locations in the greater Seattle area, such as Bellevue, Capitol Hill, Burien, and West Seattle.