Tales from Isaan

East Influences West

2011-10-28T23:45:00.010+07:00

I've come across a number of interesting ways in which the East, particularly Thailand, is influencing my country of origin, the USA. I will keep adding more examples to this article as I come across them. Meanwhile, here are a few starters.

The USA is saturated with Muay Thai (Thai boxing) schools; one being less than a mile from my former home in Tacoma, Washington.
Human interest story (from a podcast): Thailand's "Sriracha" sauce takes the U.S. by storm. Love those spicy buffalo wings sold at baseball games and popular restaurant chains? Thank Thailand for a hot chili sauce that I thought only I was enjoying in Thailand. Named after a town near Bangkok, where the sauce originates the condiment can now be found on most store shelves in the USA.

Recently this sauce has beat out tomato ketchup as America's preferred condiment--now THAT is momentous!
And in a deeper vein, religious/philosophical influence is reaching significantly into the lives of Americans. Read on . . .

Thai Buddhist Temple at Five Mile Lake, Sumner Washington.

This temple's property adjacent to the former

Glendawn Baptist Bible Camp.

The Baptist Bible camp was disbanded and sold,

but the newly-built Buddhist temple is apparently thriving.

The above photo was taken three years ago and the temple was a total surprise when I visited the site of a summer camp I attended as a child. Here are a few more items of interest on the same topic...

News item (from a recent podcast): Alabama's highest-security men's prison institutes two-week Buddhist Thai-style meditation courses for hundreds of inmates. The prison (a Baptist) chaplain comments that it seems to work, so he can't knock it.
From an ad in the Seattle Times (below). The type of meditation classes are from a Thai-branch of Buddhism called Theravada.

Kadampa Meditation Center Washington
"Everyone welcome! Meditation classes are offered at the Temple in Ballard on Sunday mornings and Monday evenings. We also offer a Learning to Meditate lunchtime class on Monday, Wednesday and Fridays. These classes are suitable for all individuals whatever their level of interest, from those who seek simple relaxation to those who wish to find lasting inner peace and contentment through following the Buddhist path.

Classes in Buddhism and meditation are also offered at over a dozen locations in the greater Seattle area, such as Bellevue, Capitol Hill, Burien, and West Seattle.

60-Year Floods Hit Thailand

2011-10-12T21:36:00.012+07:00

Above is a picture circulating in emails today, alleging to picture an escaped crocodile at the entrance of a Thai house in the flood waters. Today's Bangkok Post reported 100 crocodiles escaping from a flooded wildlife farm. The headlines cooed "100 Escaped Crocodiles 'not fierce.' " Tell that to the guy who lost his arm this year to a croc at Pattaya's Crocodile Farm.

The worst floods since 1949 are wreaking havoc in Thaland with hundreds dead, scores of flooded factories, and thousands of square miles of farms and cities under water.

Our village (photos below) sits on Thailand's longest river, The Chi. It runs 765 kilometers (480 miles) through five provinces and its waters finally empty into the mighty Mekong downriver.

Below are photos taken this afternoon, upon learning that our river has overrun its banks.

Looking upriver, the metal fence marks the

normal river bank boundary.

Flooded village road closest to the river. Recently-filled sandbags on the left.

Another impassable village road beginning to flood.

Precaution #1: Sand ready for more sand bag filling.

Precaution #2: Longboats ready for quick rescues.

Good Wishes for Thailand in Troubled Times

2010-05-20T22:52:00.008+07:00

Short video sent by a New York City company to its branch employees in Thailand. However, at the end, we see the video is dedicated to everyone living in Thailand. Thanks, from upcountry peace-loving folks, too!

Americana in Isaan

2010-05-07T17:11:00.007+07:00

Our little university town sports a surprising variety of foreign restaurants and eateries including Japanese, Vietnamese, Korean and American* cuisines (*if you'd call KFC and Mister Donut a "cuisine").

My absolute favorite "foreign" restaurant, however, opened up a couple years ago about two miles from my house. It's called "The Living Room," and does a perfect job at creating a nice American-style living room atmosphere; complete with sofas, coffee tables, American movies on the big LCD screen (satellite Star Movies), and soft jazz playing in the background.

Half of The Living Room restaurant is furnished with living room settings where you can sip a nice beverage and snack on appetizers (tempura, buffalo wings, etc.), and then later move to the large dining tables for the feast.

The menu is eclectic (Thai, Isaan, Japanese, Italian and American) with only the best of ingredients used by a very well-trained Thai chef.

My favorites are:

BBQ Ribs (the Texas BBQ sauce is a dead ringer for anything you could get in San Antonio!). The rack of ribs is huge and very meaty.
Giant New Zealand mussels (I mean they are BIG, with just a touch of mozzarella cheese on each one before they are put under the broiler),
The huge "Deluxe Ceasar Salad" with deep-fried shrimp buried among the grated Parmesan cheese, croutons, and zesty blue cheese dressing
The Japanese tempura (delicately batter-dipped onions, carrots, shrimp, potatoes, broccoli, and asparagus)
And, the Italian Calzone (like a pizza made into a turnover). Full of ham, cheese, onions and peppers.

Price? About a half or third of the cost in a western restaurant back home in the USA.

Background: The owner also runs a successful British Pub in downtown Bangkok, and has really duplicated an authentic English atmosphere there. Last month on a trip to the Big Mango, stopped by for fish & chips and watched the British soccer matches on the seven or eight huge LCD screens surrounding the dining area. Just like lolly-gaggin' in Brighton, Old Chap!

Of course, after visiting this successful restaurateur's Living Room here in Isaan, I have to double my exercise routine and live on water for a couple of days to counteract the calories and cholesterol, but that's the price of a real treat. Yep, living in a remote location in a foreign country is especially nice when you know the comforts of home may be only five minutes away!

Photographer's apologies: it was a phone cam in dim light.
Thai Proverb: The poor dancer always blames the dummer.

Ethical Dilemma

2009-12-04T16:25:00.001+07:00

OK, you've just finished a six-hour bus trip and your bladder is about to burst. Yes, the whites of your eyes have already turned yellow. The moment the bus pulls into the station, you make a mad dash to the restrooms, and this scene greets you:

The charge for using the restroom is two baht (six cents).

You only have a 100-baht note ($3.50) in your pocket, and certainly need change, because the taxi is going to cost you 85 baht.

The only one in sight who can give you change is the attendant who is fast asleep. She's probably a working mom with three kids and two jobs and has just pulled an all-night shift somewhere cleaning someone's office.

Remember, your bladder is bursting. You are mere milliseconds from wet underwear.

OK, you Ethical Giants out there, what do you do?

Unexpected and Amazing

2009-09-18T10:23:00.020+07:00

Every night I "power-walk" around the school gymnasium for a half hour to keep the old ticker going. One of the things I enjoy while walking is listening to a Podcast of some of my favorite speakers.

Last night I was listening to one of Charles Swindoll's better broadcasts where he tells the story of Mephibosheth. This incident is embedded in the story of King David's life in the Bible. "M" was a handicapped son of a royal rival family which had earlier fled the palace, fearing assasination. There are literally dozens of analogies between this man's story and the story of a gracious God who helps people who have no hope. A perfect picture of "grace."

Swindoll was at his most eloquent in his teaching of this point, and just as he reached a climax, I heard the strong melody and harmony--then the words in English-- of "Amazing Grace." But it was not on my earphones. It was being boomed over the loudspeaker in the gymnasium area, where hundreds of Thai kids were noisily enjoying evening sports and exercise.

The music was even louder than my little iPod earphones, and I stopped in my tracks. The combination of hearing 'M's' story and this traditional gospel hymn being publicly broadcast--in remote northeast Thailand, no less--left me a bit stunned.

I felt like shouting to the crowd: "Hey everybody! Stop and listen! Do you know what those words are all about??" I wanted to tell them about John Newton, the composer, who had once commanded England's slave ships filled with hopeless souls bound for a life of servitude in the New World--until God changed his heart and turned him 180 degrees. I wanted to tell them about a shepherd Who looks for lost sheep on the dark mountain when all hope of rescue is gone.

I will, in time, one by one...

The throngs of students unwittingly carried on with their basketball, volleyball, weightlifting, breakdancing and fencing practice throughout the song, no one lifting an ear nor eyebrow to the profound words and music that permeated the air around them. I have no idea who or for what reason the hymn was sent over the university campus P.A. system.

Regardless, I know at least one person caught the full impact.

**********************

Below, watch and listen to the history and words of "Amazing Grace,"
as told and sung by a possible descendant of John Newton's slave-prisoners...

You can read the about Mephibosheth and his story here.

The Spirit vs. the Letter of the "Law"

2009-09-18T09:22:00.017+07:00

From the back, it's a photo of my Thai barber doing his
"law" magic on the customer seated in front of him.

Interestingly, the word for "handsome" in the Thai language is pronounced "law." When I first started going to this guy for haircuts six years ago, I noticed after every haircut, he pronounced "law" with a big smile as I stepped down from the barber chair. After a couple times I went home and checked my dictionary and immediately decided this guy was a GOOD barber. You don't get compliments like that every day, so might as well soak it in once a month at haircut time. It was a good working relationship. The more energetic the "law" sounded, the bigger the tip.

Until.....

About six months into my new customer-barber mutual appreciation sessions, I showed up at the shop to get my mane trimmed, and took notice of another customer already in the chair. He was about 80 years old, very thin--almost emaciated, a dark wrinkled face that that would make a Chinese Shar-Pei jealous, hardly a tooth in his head, and a few whisps of white hair on a mostly bald head--which, for some reason, he was having trimmed.

Sure enough, at the end of his haircut, this shriveled geriatric hobbled down from the chair, and the barber started beaming. Instinctively, I knew what was coming next. He would utter....that....word....

I can barely think about it now. It was like watching a slow-motion slasher movie. I stared in horror at my barber brandishing a straight razor in the air and slowly opening his cavernous maw. The slow-motion "Nooooooooo" reeled through my mind as I imagined myself, arms outstretched and flailing, lunging at the barber to shut his mouth.

But before my thoughts could turn to deeds, that guttural sound slowly spilled out like a river of lukewarm lava-- "LAW."

Adding insult to injury, he gushed it out twice. "LAW, LAW."

Soaking it all in, of course, the near-toothless farmer grinned and paid his 50 baht, plus a generous tip. Bigger than my tips. Of course they were bigger. He had more reason show his gratitude.

*********

Yeah, I still get my haircuts there, but no more do I trust a single word from this traitor, particularly his discourses on the "law."

JD

P.S. After my epiphany, I then started asking other questions to myself, such as: "If I was 'law' AFTER the haircut, what was I BEFORE the haircut?" The suspicion about The Truth continues to mount.

The Strange Tastes of Thailand 2

2009-08-28T15:53:00.011+07:00

In addition to ice cream-in-a-bun-sprinkled-with-corn, there are plenty more strange tastes to be found in Thailand.

Bag on left: garlic soft-shelled crab flavored potato chips

Bag on right: hot chili squid flavored potato chips

YUM!

The clever big snack companies (Lays, Pringles, etc.) have done a spectacular job catering to local tastes. The above pictures shows two pretty normal looking bags of potato chips--until you take a closer look at the small picture and read the Thai. For people who live hundreds of miles inland from the sea, it's remarkable that all seafood ranks high on their list of "most desirable flavors." It's even more remarkable (to me) that many of the creatures we think of as saltwater, ocean-going creatures are also found in fresh water ponds hundreds of miles inland such as shrimp, crab, clams and mussels.

Here we go with another snack to spice up
your all-night slumber party!

Last night I dropped by the local bakery which has the normal looking stuff--cookies, brownies, cakes-- along with a number of Thai oddities. I bought what looked like a normal sweet bun filled with something (I expected Bavarian cream of course). When I got home and cut it open (I've long learned not to bite first) out poured warm, translucent mayonnaise and shredded pork, which has the consistency of very coarse cotton candy.

Looks innocent, heh?

Mayonnaise and pork from a bakery? Yup. A cold cooked hot dog wiener buried in what looks like a Danish pastry is pretty popular too. So be careful when you buy that Danish to go with your morning coffee. You may end up looking for the ketchup for dipping your Danish hot dog.

Sorry, all breakfast pastry chow hounds in the West.
That's a wiener buried in that Danish
(with a little ketchup tossed on top).

And the adventure goes on. . . .

The Strange Tastes of Thailand

2009-08-03T13:23:00.008+07:00

One of the exciting things about living in a new culture is the chance to sample never-before-imagined combinations of food and flavors. Now, here's a popular yoghurt from the 7-11 convenience store here in Thakhonyang village. It's made by a Thai-Japanese company (CP-Meiji), but tailored for the Thai palate.

The flavors tossed into the yoghurt? Corn, red beans, and lotus seeds. Don't knock it (or gag) 'til you've tried it!

Reminds me of my first week teaching in Thailand.

I noticed that the college's canteen had a little ice-cream kiosk, and I hadn't sampled it yet. Picturing a little sundae dish piled high with vanilla ice cream (and maybe a spurt of chocolate syrup with nuts sprinkled on top) I used my fledgling Thai to place my order.

"Ow ice cream krahp!"

My eyes widened as the vendor-lady pulled out a hot dog bun. Yes, a hot dog bun. Then loaded two scoops of semi-hard vanilla ice-cream into it, and sprinkled the whole affair with cooked corn kernels and a few peanuts!

Well, couldn't complain, it only cost me 10 baht (30 cents) and all of the components appeared edible. Never to waste a penny or a baht, I tried it. Not bad! Not my first choice, either.

Photo from http://travel.webshots.com/photo/1210030521060791658oVrpTn

That same year, I was part of a review panel for hiring a new vocational college president in a nearby province. We were served lunch midway through the day, and for the drinks they served what looked and tasted exactly like warm canned creamed corn (but just a little soupier).

What is it with the CORN?

Supernatural Thailand

2009-08-01T12:01:00.007+07:00

By Patrick Winn (Source: GlobalPost.com)

"Despite its modernity and deeply entrenched Buddhism, Thailand remains under superstition’s sway. Astrologers double as celebrities. Protective amulets purportedly worn by car wreck survivors sell for big money. Even the highly educated turn to fortune tellers for advice on love and money.

"But these old-world beliefs also guide much bigger decisions in Thailand. Many within the ruling class of politicians, protest leaders and military chiefs seek supernatural guidance for rulings of national importance. Even armed coups have been scheduled — to the minute — for auspicious times on the astrological calendar.

“It’s very embedded in the culture,” said Chris Baker, a Bangkok-based author and Thai political expert who has studied the role of supernaturalism in Thailand. “Most people don’t really question it. It’s like asking (Western politicians) if they believe in the Virgin Mary.”

"Thai astrology often directs the timing of political endeavors. When deputy agriculture minister Supachai Phosu took office in May, employees born under the sign of the dog — the astrological rival to his sign, the monkey — were ordered to stay away from ministry headquarters. On his first day, his staffers were told to avoid wearing purple, red or orange and the minister stepped into his office at precisely 7:09 a.m., which carried some starry significance."

Rituals are also used to ward off bad fortune or enemies. After a 2006 coup to oust former Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra proved unpopular, the coup generals and their wives conducted a two-hour chanting rite and allowed monks to loop a long sacred thread around their heads.

Less hygienic was the good-fortune ritual led by Sondhi Limthongkul, the powerful leader of a pro-establishment street movement — commonly called the “yellow shirts” — that helped topple the government late last year. On live TV, he announced that female followers had smeared maxi pads stained with menstrual blood on the monument of a 19th-century Thai king — all to supernaturally protect his faithful from enemy attacks.

In the eyes of some, Sondhi’s mysticism was vindicated in April when assassins dumped more than 100 bullets in his personal minivan. He survived the ambush. And now the amulets supposedly worn by Sondhi are advertised as “soaked in blood” talismans in Bangkok’s streets.

[To see original article, click title.]

Quiz: Name the Object

2009-06-26T01:40:00.006+07:00

Answer posted below (as of July 10)

A very common object in Isaan. But a complete mystery to the outsider. It's handmade from an Asian hardwood, carved from one piece of wood. It folds into a fairly compact form in order to toss into your backpack or farmer's satchel.

Your best guess? Please put your guess in the comment section. After some of my readers take their best shot, I'll add another picture which will reveal all.

****************************************************************************
Answer, July 10

And behind the curtain....is our answer-photo which will.... put an end to your sleepless nights!

A pillow, of course! Some of you came close, for example...

a seat = pillow for the derriere

a bed = pillow for the entire body, a sleep-related object, etc.

Surprisingly, a pillow made from Thai hardwood is quite comfortable, given it's perfect contour for the back of the head, and perfect height from the flat surface it sits on. I actually fell asleep on it.

Definitely better than a standard Japanese pillow--which is like laying your head on a bag of noisy, rolling marbles.

My Personal Encounter With a Cobra

2009-06-26T01:15:00.003+07:00

I've heard that the area where i live has a very high concentration of Cobra snakes, including the King Cobra, which is reputedly one of the most venomous of snakes. One species of the King Cobra can actually spit blinding venom into the eyes of its victim up to 10 meters (30 feet) away with remarkable accuracy. I've heard reports of it happening to local farmers in my area. No thanks. Fortunately near my home, I have never had the joy of meeting one of these reptiles. Instead, I had to travel about 600 miles to a southern island (Koh Lanta) for my own personal encounter.

I was with a group of friends who decided to hike to a popular cave in the jungle, led by a local Muslim farmer-guide. After a great adventure through a cave system with battery-powered headlamps, we started hiking back to the main farm at dusk. I wanted to get some photos without people in it, so I hung back a bit, until the party ahead was out of sight, and began shooting pictures.

In just a few moments I heard something in the underbrush about 1.5 meters (5 feet) off to the left side of the trail, going in the opposite direction. Realizing I might be facing an opportunity for a good shot of some wildlife, I did an about-turn and followed the sound. It picked up speed, and so did I. Of course, I was thinking naively that I'd be catching a photo of maybe a lizard, a rodent, or some other fairly benign animal.

Suddenly, the sound in the underbrush ceased as the object of my attention crossed the trail about 1 meter (3 feet) directly in front of me. It was a quite long snake--about 2 meters (6 feet) in length. I had the good fortune to have my camera ready, and shot the above picture. The snake's midsection is very prominent, and the head can be seen on the far left of the picture between leaves which surround it on three sides.

Happy with my prize photo, I turned around and rushed back up to the group which was beginning to wonder where I was. I showed the picture on the LCD screen of my camera to our guide and asked him what kind of snake he supposed it was. Immediate recognition in his eyes. He pointed to the red marking on the back of the hooded head (I hadn't noticed any of the tell-tale sure markings of a Cobra) and then he exclaimed: "Oh! You very lucky foreigner!"

I thought, "He must be admiring my luck for getting such a great photo!"

But then he added--"Lucky you not die! BIG Cobra!!"

Realizing I had chased this thing for 30 feet down a forest trail, and then to have it cut me off by crossing my path a few feet in front of me (and thankfully continuing on it's journey), suddenly left my knees turning a bit weak. I had been chasing sure death. Had I accidentally cornered it next to a stone, or even stepped on it's tail (shudder) in my open sandals, my hiking buddies might have been prying my camera from my cold, dead fingers in the jungle.

"Hey look at this last picture on his camera! It's something with fangs! Cool!"

Oh, talk about Babe in the Woods. Or better yet, the Bible reminds us, "The Lord preserves the simple." Guilty as charged.

Tasty Time in Thailand

2009-01-16T19:57:00.006+07:00

Burst of color in JD's Garden Restaurant

Tonight I outdid myself in the kitchen. I created this unique, healthy dish, and it turned out so good, I decided to write it down and share it with you. I could probably lose more weight if I didn't like my own cooking so much. High-society calls this "Fusion Cuisine," in East meets West. I call it "Time-To-Use-Everything-In-The-Fridge-Night."

Thai-Polynesian-French Chicken Over Rice
(Or, "Around the World Chicken")

Ingredients

1 tbsp fresh black pepper (unground, still green)
2 large cloves, fresh garlic
1 leaf Thai herb (your choice)
1 orange, peeled, cut into 1/2 segments (the Polynesian part)
1 cup cubed fresh pineapple (the Polynesian part)
1/4 tsp cinnamon (the Polynesian part, optional)
1 diced tomato (optional)
1 diced onion
1 chicken leg, 1 chicken thigh
2 cups cooked rice
1 tbsp olive oil
2 tbsp oyster sauce (the Thai part)
1/3 cup red wine (the French part)

Steps:

1. Start rice in a rice cooker
2. In a mill or blender, finely chop garlic, fresh black pepper and Thai herb; set aside
3. Put a teaspoon of the garlic/pepper/herb mixture in a skillet with ollive oil and heat just before oil smokes. In this mixture, brown both sides of chicken
4. Remove chicken and saute onion in chicken drippings and olive oil
5. Put chicken in microwave for 2-3 minutes to insure the inside is cooked thoroughly
6. Combine chicken with pineapple, sauteed onion, orange, and rest of garlic/black pepper/Thai herb mixture in skillet and simmer on low.
7. After 5 minutes add red wine and oyster sauce.
8. Simmer for 15 more minutes. Just before turning off heat, add diced tomato (optional).
9. Serve chicken and sauce mixture over rice.

Best served hot on a picnic table right outside your kitchen door amidst tropical flowers blooming in your garden in January (picture from my garden). Makes enough for two. Call up a skinny Thai student or teacher to share with you. However, be prepared for a mild complaint about combining sweet tastes with chicken--until they try it. Then, you'll have to pull 'em off of it to get your share.

Toughing it out in Thailand,
JD

Thailand and Cambodia Teeter On War

2008-10-15T15:46:00.002+07:00

When troubles erupt in Bangkok (protests, coups, etc.) I often jokingly complain that "nothing ever happens in Isaan," Thailand's laid-back Northeast.

Well, I lied.

After months of standoffs and skirmishes at a flashpoint on the Thai-Cambodian border (about three hours' drive from my town), Thai troops moved in closer to a position held by Cambodian soldiers. As a result, the Prime Minister of Cambodia yesterday rattled his saber, and declared there would be full-scale war if Thailand didn't withdraw its troops from the disputed territory. The deadline was noon yesterday. Apparently, the withdrawal didn't happen and fighting broke out today.

The territory involves a pitiful little patch of 1.8 square miles. The disputed area, near an ancient temple ruin, "Khao Phra Vihan" (or "Preah Vihear" in Cambodian) is comprised of what looks like burnt rock and dead scrub brush on a high, dry, exposed ridge. The BBC , calls it "scrub land." Quite fitting. See my photo below (taken about 2 years ago).

What really is at stake is national pride fueled by a super-heated nationalism on both sides.

Thailand is upset that Cambodia pushed for the temple ruin itself to become a UN World Heritage Site. Indeed, after you walk a mile or so through the miserable scrub land, you come to the edge of an escarpment on which sets a spectatular 1,000 year-old temple ruin. Thailand controled the temple itself until 1962 when the World Court awarded control to Cambodia. However, the exact demarcation lines were left somewhat vague--hence, the ongoing tensions.

Cambodia is hanging onto what they feel is their national pride as well. Until the tensions heated up this year, about 90% of the tourists at Preah Vihear were Thai. One of the first signs that greeted them on the temple grounds was this....

On the sign, "Khmer" is the word Cambodians use when referring to themselves. In fact, the ancient Cambodian empire which built Preah Vihear was called the "Khmer Empire."

So, as usual, seldom is a spat a one-sided affair. It takes two to tango (or tangle, however the proverb goes).

So, I take it back. Sometimes things do happen in Isaan. The last excitement we had in our area was in the 1970's when these jungles were the refuge of many a Communist rebel--some of them fathers and grandfathers of my students! Just a generation or so ago, they were fighting the central Thai government.

So, anyone looking for a laid-back utopian paradise where everyone and every thing is at peace? I thought maybe it was spelled "I-S-A-A-N." I guess it's time to revert back to the original spelling: "H-E-A-V-E-N."

Advice from a Watch Expert....

2008-10-10T01:03:00.004+07:00

I bought a cheap "utility" watch in Pratunam (a low-end outdoor market in Bangkok) last month. I proudly put my cheap bargain on my wrist, took two steps and heard "clink." The glass crystal fell to the sidewalk.

My thoughts: "It's Thailand, and no one ever takes anything back, especially a cheap watch. I'm screwed (again)."

My Thai shopping friend and a couple vendors standing around encouraged me to take the two steps backward and return it to the sales lady. I handed her the watch and crystal separately and waited for her response, which was...(with a straight face)...

"This kind of watch doesn't need a crystal."

She wrapped the crystal in a tissue, put it in a bag, and handed it back to me with the now bare-faced watch. My Thai shopping companion gave me that typical look often given to red-faced foreigners that said "Please, don't create a scene."

So now, I change the time by moving the watch hands with my fingers, just like I did on the big grandfather clock at Grandma's house. I try to keep it out of the rain, and I also cover it with my hand when someone sneezes. A month later, it's still running, and I think I'm now making a fashion statement with it. When people ask about it, I tell them I bought a special watch that offers a "tactile experience," and then I feel the bare face and hands like a blind person trying to tell the time.

I give the Thai sales "expert" one point for quick thinking.
Score: One for her. Zero for me.

UPDATE: August 2009. Unbelievably, the watch is still running. I have stumbled onto a new secret to keep watches running in Thailand: fresh air!

Driving me Batty.....

2008-09-15T21:19:00.005+07:00

While jogging at the soccer field tonight at twilight I was suddenly engulfed by a swarm of several hundred bats chasing insects.

Thanks to their excellent radar bouncing their funny little squeaky sounds off my body, I didn't get thumped in the forehead by the proverbial Bat out of Pergatory with an errant flight plan, like I fully expected to.

Very weird experience.

Just when things settle down to normal I have one of these tropical experiences that reminds me I'm not in Kansas/Washington anymore.

The Long Arm of the Law

2007-03-14T11:15:00.001+07:00

I wouldn't have believed it unless I had seen it.

Yesterday, as I was motorcycling my way to the school fitness center for my daily exercise, I noticed two sets of travelers ahead, also going the same direction as I. Nearest me were two policemen on a motorcycle. In Thailand, the police have to buy their own motorcycles, so it's not unusual to see a couple cops doubling up on one bike. About 50 feet ahead of them was a full-sized Asian elephant lumbering along with two mahouts (elephant trainers) astride its back.

The police were slowly following the elephant and its riders, which seemed a bit suspicious. The ridiculous thought crossed my mind, "Wouldn't it be funny about now, to see the red lights flashing, hear the siren, and see the cops perform a traffic stop?" No sooner had the through crossed my mind, and that's exactly what happened.

Siren blaring, red lights, a wave of the hands, and the lumbering four-footed vehicle came to a dead stop, trunk waving in the air, ears flapping the flies away. As I blew by them on my own bike, I looked in the rear view mirror, and the policemen were dismounting their cycle with stern looks, ticket book in hand. The mahouts had that guilty look like they had just run a red light.

Of course, I didn't stop to listen in on the conversation, but a few more scenarios crossed my mind during my subsequent work-out session:

"Ah, sirs can we see your Mahout's license please?"
"Elephant vehicle registration, please? We have reports of a stolen elephant."
"Are you aware that you are not traveling in the "Elephants Only" lane?"
"Your elephant has a tail light out. "
"You've got a broken tusk, here's a warning ticket. Get it fixed at the next vet's shop."
"You were going under the minimum speed limit."
"Did you see the "Hospital Zone--Quiet! No Trumpeting!" sign back there?
"Would you jump down for a sobriety test, please? Oh, you haven't had anything to drink? OK, how much lemon grass has your elephant been grazing on today? He was definitely staggering. Would you ask him to put the end of his trunk on this breathing device and blow?"
"We're lost. Are you guys from around here? We're looking for the nearest donut shop."

All in a normal day in Thailand.

And the adventure goes on...

JD

Window Dressings

2007-02-22T12:15:00.000+07:00

Room with a view...and a zoo.

I opened my bedroom window yesterday morning only to be greeted by a small snake wound around the security grate and climbing vines. Up to now, a variety of birds, insects, and lizards have been the usual characters to take up residence at my window. But this reptile was different: about 1/4 meter (8-10 inches) long, with very distinctive white coloring with black stripes or bands running around it's head and girth. I usually don't think of snakes as beautiful, but this one came close with it's pure white skin and delicate thin black bands. For lack of a name, I dubbed my new resident the "zebra snake."

It was quite shy, and after taking a brief look at me, disappeared in a niche between the window and the frame (slight shudder: did that niche connect to inside the house somewhere?).

This morning before school, my friend, Au, stopped by to say "hello" (OK, to say "Sawadee khrap"). Au teaches fourth grade students at the local elementary school, and is quite limited in his English. I described my little zebra snake in detail to him (yeah, I know my colors and shapes in the Thai tongue by now).

I waited a full minute while he searched his data bank for the proper English words, and then gave up in exasperation. OK, looks like I was to get the dramatic version: He bugged his eyes, grabbed his throat, rolled his eyes back into his head, staggered backwards until he fell onto the sofa, then kicked his legs, and flailed his arms like in an epileptic seizure. Finally, he went limp with his tongue hanging out.

I clapped in appreciation. Bravo! What a show! Mission accomplished, Au jumped up and took his bow with a smile of satisfaction.

Wonder what he was trying to say?

Side Bar: Rubbing Shoulders with Expats

2007-01-26T19:05:00.002+07:00

Hi from Thailand!

One of the great delights of living in Thailand is the expatriate or "expat" community. Every day I can practice my high school French with the French professors (we have five in our dept.--and I love watching them cringe at my efforts), in addition to chatting with Canadian, Austrian, Israeli, Filipino, Vietnamese, Cambodian, Japanese and Korean instructors. There are about 50 foreign teachers here, in all, which makes for a veritable cornucopia of cultural delights. Having traveled or worked in all their countries gives me a special bond with them.

Even more fun, a very active expat Internet site keeps me in close touch with Brits and Australians living here, as well. We interact often. I've come to really appreciate their "stiff upper lip," "buck-up mate!" and dry humor they are so famous for. I'm learning a lot of new (or old?) English words I never knew existed (all decent, of course).

Here is a great story currently circulating among my British friends in Thailand, great sports lovers of English Cricket and Soccer (which, of course, the latter they misguidedly call "football")...

**************************************

NEWS ITEM---

SYDNEY (AP):

A seven-year-old boy was at the centre of a Parramatta, New South Wales courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.

The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the English Cricket Team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

Thai Province Declared Disaster Area

2006-12-24T18:27:00.001+07:00

Thai students in tuxedos at formal cocktail party

to welcome the official start of winter.

To my friends in the USA, China, and Japan,

Please remember us during this traumatic, disastrous event to hit Thailand, only two years after the tsunami.

See the below excerpt from a news article in the Bangkok Post. Be sure to see the temperature conversion at the bottom to get the full impact of this terrifying and relentless onslaught of Old Man Winter in Thailand.

************************************************************

"Chiang Rai declared a disaster area as temperatures plummet
Plunging temperatures have prompted local authorities in Chiang Rai
to declare the province a disaster area.

"Temperatures in Chiang Rai have dropped and will continue to do so
until Jan 20, he said.

"Yesterday morning, the temperature was measured at 12.7 degrees Celsius in the town of Chiang Rai and nine degrees at Doi Tung mountain, said Mr Kittirat."

Link to Bangkok Post article:
http://www.bangkokpost.com/191206_News/19Dec2006_news21.php

************************************************************

Here's the scoop for Farenheit temperatures:
12.7 degrees Celcius = 55 degrees Farenheit
9 degrees Celcius = 48 degrees Farenheit

Essentially, this disaster means the Thais will have to start wearing socks, a long-sleeved shirt, and (God forbid) an undershirt!

Last night, my town got down to 11 Celcius (52 Farenheit), so I guess we qualify for Federal Aid too. Of course, all of the above are midnight-to-4 a.m. temperatures. Nobody mentions that the days still warm up to 84 degrees Farenheit.

From My Hardship Post in Thailand,
JD

The Cost of Home Maintenance

2006-11-04T19:18:00.000+07:00

The lady who owns a cow across the street from me comes by once a month to negotiate about cutting all the grass on my long plot beside the house (1.5m X 20m), to feed to her cow. Each time, I hem and haw, but then reluctantly agree not to charge her for the grass.

She pulls out her little sickle, slaves away for about an hour, and walks away with a cart-load of grass and a Cheshire Cat grin, thinking she's pulled one over the farang (foreigner), for another month in a row.

Ya gotta love this country.

Ham 'n' Eggs

2006-10-09T11:48:00.000+07:00

Well, not a very profound post after a long hiatus (sorry, readers--it's been a long, hard semester), but at least another honest insight into the life of an expat. After three years of being satisfied with sticky-rice, noodles or yogurt milk for breakfast, I woke up this monsoon rainy morning thinking: "Ham and Eggs" (and, if possible, country-style skillet-fried potatoes, with toast, butter, jam, and a hot mocha espresso). Where, oh where, in NE Central Thailand among the rice fields and water bufallo?

READ MORE...

I then remembered a little hole-in-the-wall cafe about 100 meters from the school entrance road. It is reported that the cook once worked at the British Expat Club in Bangkok. "He actually uses white wine in his white spaghetti sauce!" is the tantalizing rumor on the street. That was enough for me. I dressed in my quick-dry clothes (T-shirt, cut-offs & flip-flop shoes) and made a beeline through the heavy, warm rain on my little trusty Honda motorbike.

Arriving, I noticed a couple of other foreign teachers (good sign, I thought), and some English-language National Geographics on a bookshelf (another good sign). Since no waiter/waitress appeared, I made my way back to the kitchen to place my order. There stood a 6-foot (two-meter) heavy-set bearded Thai cook, cigarette dangling out of his mouth, frying something in a skillet--which looked vaguely western. OK, ignore the cigarette ashes flying around the stove, ignore the dirty T-shirt spanning his beer-belly, I'M going to have my Western Breakfast!! I made a few "oink-oink" and hen-cackling noises, and I think he got the idea.

In 10 minutes, there appeared at my little wood table a plate which floated right out of Sawan (Thai for "heaven"). Eggs sunny side up, pan-fried spuds with onions, a slice of ham, and two pieces of toast with a side of butter and marmalade. To top it off, a demi-tasse arrived with steaming-hot mocha to complete the picture I had only dreamed of up until now. I pretended the cigarette ashes were flecks of ground black pepper spicing up my entree. No, I taste it...it really IS black pepper! After falling down to the wet tile floor, and gratefully kissing the big dirty toes of my Thai cook, I jumped into my plate like a starved mad-man who just escaped a Thai prison. Heaven, indeed.

After the last lick of my plate and a couple of satisfied burps, the bottom line: The cost for this taste of Sawan? About $1.25. Arghh! Too expensive! Back to my sticky-rice or noodles tomorrow morning (45-cents). But surely, it will be worth saving up for another taste of heaven, a few months down the road.

Some things are worth the sacrifice.

Why (I Think) I Understand Thai-Isan Students...

2006-09-09T11:31:00.000+07:00

From day one, I felt I had an unusually good rapport with my upcountry students--most of them from poor rural villages. The light just dawned on me today. We actually had very similar childhoods, albeit 35 years apart. Maybe the bamboo shed in the picture is not a good parallel to my childhood Seattle-area home, but the some of the cultural similarities sure ring a bell. I just received this little article in my email today, and reading through it, I was struck by the similarities between my upbringing and current life and culture in Isan. I, too, ask with the author of the following article: Was it "really all that bad?"

_____________________________________

Were you a kid in the "Fifties" or so? Everybody makes fun of our childhood. Comedians joke. Grandkids snicker. Twenty-Somethings shudder and say "Eeeew!" But was our childhood really all that bad? Judge for yourself:

In 1953 the US population was less than 150 million. Yet you knew more people then, and knew them better ...

And that was good.
[Isan: Everyone knows their neighbor and their neighbor's business]

The average annual salary was under $3,000. Yet, our parents could put some of it away for a rainy day and still live a decent life.

And that was good.
[Isan: I'm always amazed at how far a baht can go in Isan.]

A loaf of bread cost about 15 cents...but it was safe for a five-year-old to skate to the store and buy one...

And that was good.
[Isan: Kids securely play and travel long distances without worries.]

Prime-time TV meant I Love Lucy, Ozzie and Harriet, Gunsmoke and Lassie. Nobody ever heard of ratings or filters...

And that was good.
[Thai soap operas: You can hug, but can't kiss on the public airwaves.]

We didn't have air-conditioning...So the windows stayed up and half a dozen mothers ran outside when you fell off your bike.

And that was good.
[Isan: My first motorbike spill was attended by half the town.]

Your teacher was either Miss Matthews, Mrs. Logan or Mr. Adkins. But not Ms. Becky or Mr. Dan.

And that was good.
[Isan: Always the word "Ajarn" precedes your name, which is a term of high honor.]

The only hazardous material you knew about was a patch of grassburrs around the light pole at the corner.

And that was good.
[Isan: In Isan's dusty air, I've inhaled and ingested more dirt than I can estimate. I think it's fat-free. Is that good?]

You loved to climb into a fresh bed ... because sheets were dried outside on the clothesline.

And that was good.
[Isan: I know of no one with a mechanical clothes dryer. Why have one, when a bedsheet will dry in 15 minutes in the tropical sun?]

People generally lived in the same hometown with their relatives. So "child care" meant grandparents or aunts and uncles.

And that was good.
[Isan: The person you meet in the street is only one or two relational steps away from your boss, your co-worker or your landlady. Ergo: You better to be nice to everyone. ]

Parents were respected and their rules were law. Children did not talk back.

And that was good.
[Isan: That's still the unwritten law of the land, here.]

TV was in black-and-white. But all outdoors was in glorious color ...

And that was certainly good.
[Isan: TV is popular, but only at night. Kids actually play outside all day here.]

Your dad knew how to adjust everybody's carburetor...and the dad next door knew how to adjust all the TV knobs...

And that was very good.
[Isan: I use very few "professionals" for fixit jobs. Someone I know, or someone who knows someone always comes to the rescue.]

Your grandma grew snap beans in the back yard...and chickens behind the garage .

And that was definitely good.
[Isan: Your author now grows chili bushes outside his bedroom window, and a cow resides across the lane. Is that close enough?]

And just when you were about to do something really bad, chances were you'd run into your dad's high school coach ... or the nosy old lady from up the street...or your little sister's piano teacher ... or somebody from church--ALL of whom knew your parents' phone number and YOUR first name .

And even THAT was good!

[Isan: Being a farang, you stand out anyway. Better mind your P's and Q's. Word travels fast in Isan. Yes, that does have it's good side, such as when you need to find things like a new apartment, a motorbike part, or a new friend! ]

Monk-ing Around

2006-08-10T09:53:00.000+07:00

Monks on vacation at ancient temple ruins.
Pra Vihan temple at Thai-Cambodian border.

Being around Buddhist monks is part of everyday life here in Thailand. If you get up early enough, you can see them, barefooted, walking the highways and byways to beg for their daily food from the local population. We have some monks on staff at nearly every college and university, and one has even been my student.

Every birth, death, marriage, and new-home dedication involves many long hours of chanting by monks from the local temple.

There's another interesting side of monks.... In fact, I thought of a future blog with the title "Monks are people too." For example, I remember raising my eyebrows the first time I saw a group of monks sitting on a bench at a bus stop in Bangkok, all of them smoking. It didn't seem to fit the decorum of a "religious leader", in my western mind. (I had the same problem watching Christian Reformed ministers from Holland lighting up their pipes and cigars at a ministerial meeting in Europe, too.)

A couple years ago, I went with a friend to visit his brother who had recently become a monk. We entered his little bamboo hut on stilts within the confines of the temple compound. He was a big man in his 50's, muscled, rough lines in his face, and a couple of fiery-looking dragons tattooed onto his forearms. All this, cloaked in the saffron robes of a monk, seemed incongruent.

After a short visit which involved my friend bringing food and cigarettes to his brother, I asked him in the pick-up truck on the way home, "What did your brother do before he became a monk?"

"Nothing much. He bounced from job to job, while mostly gambling, drinking, and womanizing." End of conversation. I could only surmise that entering the monkhood was his way of personal reformation.

Or was it?

Here in Thailand, a British expat teacher's former student was recently admitted to the monkhood of a local Buddhist temple. Three months into the student's monkdom, the teacher visited his former student, and here's the eye-popping account of the kid's daily life.

Please don't mistake my tone here, as merely blasting Buddhism. We all know there are charlatans and counterfeits in every religion. (Yup, Christianity has its Jimmy Swagarts, Jim Bakkers, and medieval dueling popes). However, it does stand in contradiction to my impression of a monk's life up to now. It just might shake up your impression too.

And the Adventure Goes On...
JD

Through Thai Eyes - VI

2006-07-03T19:30:00.000+07:00

Dear Teacher,

I'm absolutely alive and doing fine here. Thank you so much. I still enjoy working and making the money for school. Since I have to be leaving soon, so I try hard to make money as much as I can.

The wage in America is such interesting. It's totally different from Thailand. I get paid $9 dollars per hour. It's pretty great! Do you notice the workers building the dormitories in our university town in Isan? They get paid just about 180 Baht per a whole long day ($5) !!! The quality of life is so much more different!!!

Does every job in America provide the hourly payment? In Thailand, we get paid monthly; except jobs in fastfood stores like KFC, Pizza Hunt, Chester Grill, Mc Donald etc., that pay the money hourly.

So, are your satisfied with the way you get paid in Thailand? If you were still in America, you'd get paid hourly and can use the money every two weeks, right? But in my country, you have to wait untill the last business day of the last week of each month for getting the money!!!

And well, with the diferent pay rate between Thailand and America, why you left a huge amount of money behind and earn the small one in my country? Because I know that you used to work in the bank, and that you could earn much more money than working in school here. Are you happy with that?

However, I like the way you chose. I like the way you think. I love the way you teach, my professinal teacher. I know that you want to give back the value to the society. You forgot to think of your own benefit but emphasize on the good deed you can do for the society. That's what almost people hardly do so. You're my great teacher.

Some more matters to be discussed, talk to you later my professional teacher.

Your Thai Student in USA

-----------------------------------------------------

My Dear Student,

Yes wages are nice and high in the USA, but as you've noticed, expenses are high too! I could only afford to eat out two or three times a week in the USA, and my monthly house payment was more than I earn in one month in Thailand!

Most factory and service jobs in the USA are paid hourly (service jobs like cashiers, fast food stores, hotels, hair salons, etc.) However, most professional (or "white collar") jobs are paid monthly (banking, marketing, teaching, managers in most companies, etc.)

I've been in "white collar" jobs since I graduated from college (teaching, banking, international business, etc.), so I've been paid monthly for all these years. So, it's natural for me to get paid the same way in Thailand. I'm used to "stretching" my budget over 30-31 days!

Because expenses are so low in Thailand (especially Isaan), I can save a higher percentage of my pay in Thailand than I could in the USA. In my home country, despite a high wage, by the end of the month I had no money left. Now, I make less than 15% of that, but I have money left at the end of the month! (Amazing Thailand!) Also, I feel my standard of living is much more comfortable here in Thailand. For me, it's stress-free, worry-free, no car to worry about payments and maintenance, can eat out for all meals, etc.) I almost feel like I'm partly retired!

Meanwhile, my fellow workers and many of my friends back in the USA are slaving away at jobs they don't like, under the pressure of bills (making payments for a house, a car, expensive vacations, etc), and not really enjoying life to the fullest (in my opinion). Some of them are getting physically ill because of the stress they live with. That's not how I want to live the last 1/3 of my life!

Most of my friends and family back in the USA think of me as

#1: very lucky (Thailand has a good reputation among Americans as a friendly country, and with an exotic culture) and...

#2: I'm one of the few people they know who can live out their dreams. I agree with them. :-)

Finally in closing, such kind words from you, my gracious student. You are so perceptive to be thinking about these deeper things which I call "matters of the heart." You are looking beyond the surface of people's actions to try to understand what motivates them. That's a good, life-long exercise in understanding people and life in general, I think!

I've found out that the quality of life is not in "what you have", but it's in "what you don't need." In Thailand I have wonderful warm friends, a very satisfying career, and a chance to broaden my mind and experience by living in a different culture (a dream of mine for more than 20 years before actually doing it!).

Yes, I will look forward to discsussing more with you when you come back. We should have a lunch or two together (along with your friends, if you'd like) when you get home, and talk about your experiences and new perceptions.

It has been so fun to see my own culture through your eyes. It's been an eye-opener! I am very appreciative of your efforts to share your insights. I've been sharing your thoughts with my own friends (in Thailand and USA), and they have enjoyed them fully as well. You have provided a unique understanding to quite a few people, not just your Ajarn!

See you back at the University very soon!
Your Teacher

Through Thai Eyes - V

2006-05-02T12:31:00.000+07:00

Dear Teacher,

Spending vacation on beach, jungle hiking, and swimming on Koh Lanta-- one of the most famous, beautiful, pure-natural islands in the South -- is such an excellent vacation which I've kept dreaming of. I'm not sure if I, who is NATIVE THAI, would have a chance in a life
to do like you -- to complete my dream.

Hope you do enjoy your trip and keep it as one of the impressive things you've discovered in Thailand.

Anyway, let me take you to my 'Chapter' ;
_____________________________________

# I love America -- the well-treated environmental country. In here, Virginia, the trees are here and there. I often think that I'm living amoung the forest. Everywhere I go, it seems like the forest. And sure, I like it.

# I've noticed that American people prefer wooden houses to concrete ones. I don't know if the reason was whether woonden house could hold the warmth or prevent the cold, but I absolutely like those wooden house. The houses are usually painted in various styles and eye-grabbing colors. They look lively and noticeable in the distance. They perfectly provide colorful spots to the village or even to the forest. I like them.

# Seems like American people love the green grass. The green grass fields appear everywhere here. No bare lands (or soil) appear. No worry of the dust or mud that would always cause the trouble in rainy season like they do in my coutry. Can you figure out how dirty many buildings in our beloved university becomes during a whole rainy season? It's the muddy foot-steps here and there, all over the buildings! Anyway, with the plenty of that green grass, it looks like every American people has his own football fields on each side of his house. Do you have such that field in your house? Great! And well, I think that's why the American people can walk on every space of the house (even in the bed rooms) with the shoes underneath their feet despite of they were walking outside of their places for a whole day! If they were in Thailand, I cannot imagine how much certainly dirty the houses would become if they did like that! Yak!

# The American people love driving. Everyone drives. Once I asked my colleague who is a high-school student how she goes to school, she said she drives to school every day. Wow! If in Thailand, the high-school students (or even the collegians) driving to school are often considered the rich persons or even hi-so ones! It doesn't seem strange here, right? Well, I think you also got used to driving since you began attendind high-school as well. But, according for your stay
in Thailand, how did you get used to riding the (Thai) motorcycle? Did it take you a long time to succeed your riding? Did you get used to riding through strong sunny-day, hot weather, vehicles' smoke and the flying dust around you in Thailand? Amazing!?!

# The people always greet the other on the streets (or everywhere else) whether they would know each other or not. I think it's good. It keeps me warm and makes me not feel like I'm a stranger for here. If in Thailand, Greeting the strangers is what would make those people feel in the negative way to us.

____________________________________________

The time flies pretty fast. There's only one and a half month left for me to work and gain the unforgettable experience in USA.

I love America.

From Your Student

Through Thai Eyes - IV

2006-04-22T13:50:00.000+07:00

Dear Teacher,

Yesterday, we were invited to have a dinner with our bosses in Culpaper, a city next to Washington VA. And what we considered excellent was, it's a Thai resteraunt!!! So great! We hope that this dinner would make us get better from being bored of the food in our canteen so much. You know?, we have like sometimes fried fish, or chinken, sometimes roasted pork or beef, or something like that for our meals. I don't know why don't they sometime cook the food in soup for us. Yes, I really miss all kinds of Kaeng -- Thai hot and spicy soup/curry. So, that's what we expected.... to have for our dinner at that resteraunt.

As soon as we were seated, we immediately ordered what we thought they would full-fill our passion by ourselve, and ordered some food that we figured they're the delicious dishes of Thailand for the bossess. What we got were like Ka Prao Kai, Kaeng Khiaw Wann, Stired Fried Mixed Vegetable, Pad Thai and the outstanding dish ... Tom Yam Kung!

Ka Prao Kai, Kaeng Khiaw Wann, Stired Fried Mixed Vegetable and Pad Thai were pretty good despite the recipes were pretty different from real Thai's ones. However, it's pretty OK. And I was so delighted as well that I could have Prik Nam Pla -- sliced fresh Thai chilli in fish sauce -- as the seasoning for my meal, because at my canteen there's just something like big sweet chilli available there. I/We don't like this chilli at all.

I'm just afriad if the farang tried this Tom Yam Kung and would say "I don\'t think it\'s the most delicious food of Thailand as the entire world talks about." Anyway, I hope other resteraunts in other cities in the USA would be sure of their Tom Yam Kung\'s quality and taste before putting it on the list of their menu. I just want the renown of this dish keeps go on. And I do hope your family had tried the right Tom Yam Kung and are fond of this attractive food looks like nothing interesting in this email. Sounds like I'm complaining rather than discussing the interesting matter with you like always, doesn't it? However, there are many things left to talk with you, my professional teacher. See you next " Chapter "

But, what we found unpleasant was... Tom Yam Khung !!! It didn't represent what we had boasted about its renown to our bosses at all. It appeared like .... six sinked prawns in that clear and sour soup with just a few sliced tomatoes and farang mushrooms floating on above. Its taste was not delicious and, sure, extremely different from the original one! I know that it's hard to get complete recipes (from Thailand) to achieve the dish, but as they can't make the original-like taste, the shouldn't put this kind of Thai food in their menu,right? I'm just afriad if the farang tried this Tom Yam Kung and would say "I don't think it's the most delicious food of Thailand as the entire world talks about."

Anyway, I hope other restarants in other cities in the USA would be sure of their Tom Yam Kung's quality and taste before putting it on the list of their menu. I just want the renown of this dish keeps go on. And I do hope your family had tried the right Tom Yam Kung and are fond of this actractive food!

Looks like nothing interesting in this email. Sounds like I'm complaining rather than discussing the interesting matter with you like always, doesn't it? However, there are many things left to talk with you, my teacher. See you next "chapter."

Your Student

________________________________

Dear Student,

Your hard-working teacher is now taking a short break from volleyball at the beach, jungle hiking, snorkeling, and swimming on Koh Lanta during my vacation to check my email. How nice to see your new mail!

I laugh at your experience, because food is so close to our longing for things familiar. I have to relate to you some similar funny situations. For example, when I travel and stay in hotels in Asia, I see advertised "American Breakfast included in room charge!" As I lick my lips, I think, "Oh boy, something familiar!" All night long in my hotel room, my hungry tummy wakes me up and reminds me about that wonderful American Breakfast which will greet me in the morning. The appointed hour comes and I arrive at the breakfast buffet table: cabbage with dressing, short grilled hot dogs, cucumbers, grilled tomatoes, salty orange juice, toast (toasted on only one side) with no butter, and corn salad. I have NEVER seen any of these things in an American breakfast in America! So, I gave up on hotel American Breakfasts long ago.

Then, I go to Seven-Eleven to get a good old American hamburger: I ask for a "hamburger" and get a piece of dried chicken on a bun with tomato-paste & mayonnaise sauce on top. Ugh! Never seen a hamburger like that! "Chicken-burger" is more like it.

So, I then stop at the ice cream shop for a scoop of that wonderful creamy vanilla. They open a hot dog bun, put a scoop of vanilla ice cream in the middle of it, then sprinkle the whole thing with corn and hand it to me with a smile, like I'm supposed to eat it. Unbelievable!

Lastly, I go over to House of Pizza for a good old Hawaiian pizza. Ever had a pizza without cheese? Well, order any pizza on the menu there, and that's what you get. Unthinkable to a westerner! However, the large number of Thai customers who are always there tells me that it pleases someone!

So based on your and my experiences, all I can say is: so sorry, my student, you'll just have to come back to Thailand for your authentic Tom Yum Goong! I tell you what, I just had the best Tom Yum Goong in Thailand last night here in Ko Lanta--ah, big fat juicy shrimp and fresh Thai herb-spices swimming in creamy coconut juice. Oh, so-o-o-o-o good! Making you homesick? I just want to make sure I see you in class in a couple months! Just in case my teaching doesn't bring you back, at least the Tom Yum Goong will lure you back to our beloved university.

Hurry back. Classes start in 45 days. A steaming bowl of Tom Yum Goong is waiting for you!

Your Teacher

Through Thai Eyes - III

2006-04-08T10:33:00.000+07:00

Dear Teacher,

I've finally found a library providing free internet for the people already. Thank you for your advice on this matter. By the way, it' takes about five minutes by bike to get there. It's a very good one, named Rappahannock County Library. Do you think "Rappahannock" sounds strange? I feel like it's not English word. Do you?

It now keeps raining every day here. Actaully I love rain, but the rain here always gets the weather even colder. Somestimes, this atmosphere makes me don't even want to leave my bed for work earlier like always. Oh!, god, I'd be fired soon !!!

However, I'd like to tell you what I've seen THROUGH MY OWN EYES (as you said) to you during I'm staying here. These are some what I experienced:

>> Do you think that the greeting sentence like "How are you" is dying
out? Because the people here greet like

"How are you doing?"
"How's going on?"
"What's going on?"
"What's news?"
"What's up!"
"Zup man!"

...or something like that. Then I think you'd feel boring since we just greet you like "How are you" !!!

>> I saw many American put their names on the car plates. And they said it's legal to do so. Therefore I think you must have put "D___" on each car plate of your family's, don't you? Sounds COOL!

>> I noticed that the light of each American's house is orange, you know what I mean? It's different from our home's (in Thailand). I don't know why don't they use the white light like we do for our home, because I consider our light is clearer and brighter than theirs. Or,maybe, this light looks light the color of fire that make them feel warm, I suppose.

But anyway, I prefer

the white one.

>> I saw the wild animals--rabbits and squirrels are often seen--appearing indepently in the backyard, on the road side or in the forest next to the house, without being harmed by the people even in daytime! If they were in Thailand (and even in my hometown), they should have been killed and become the food for our meals! I absolutely love the way the foriegners treat those wild animals.

These are some new experience I gain. And sure, with the culture, tradition, geography, thoughts, lifestyle etc. that differ from mine, I think I'll have a lot of things to discuss with you more on, my teacher.

Thank you so much for welcoming my mails and not getting annoyed (or not?!?) by them.

Your student.

p.s. Do you really understand what I said? Coz I've noticed that if I read English mails of my friends, I 100% understand. But when I read yours, my perception is just 85-90 %. And to make it worst, I don't understand what they say in many magazines by American at all!

_________________________________________

My Dear Student,

Hey, I LOVE getting your emails! I am sharing them with my friends and family, and they love them too. In fact, your wonderful insights "Through Thai Eyes" are being read by my friends in over 20 foreign countries (including the USA). I'll explain when you get back. Keep it up.

You're right, the name of that county is not English. Probably not even Isan-Lao! I would say American Indian. So, if you can learn to pronounce some of those county and river names in Virginia, we'll call you "quadrilingual," ok?

Greetings: I think most Americans like to be a little bit unique in their greetings, and they hope it reflects their personalities. So a banker probably would not say "Zup man!" and a skateboarder probably would not say, "Good morning, isnt' the weather today indeed delightful?"

Names on license plates: Yes, it's very much enjoyed by Americans who have an extra $35 to $50 to spend for the higher fee! When I was home, I didn't have my name on my plate so that in case I accidentally did something rude in my driving, they could not identify me!

House lights: Hmmm. If it's the outside porch light you are looking at, it is probably a light that does not attract insects. You know how flying insects like to swarm around the bright fluorescent (some call "neon" or "tube") lights at restaurants and vendor carts in Isan? Last night, I had three flying termites land in my Tom Yum Goong at the local restaurant. They were going for the bright lights, but missed. I think you'll notice they don't go after the orange lights.

However, you bring up something else that I also notice--the big cultural difference about lights in homes. We Americans generally think of bright fluorescent lights as too bright and harsh on our eyes in certain living spaces in a home. Therefore, we will only use fluorescent lights in places like the kitchen or utility rooms which need a bright light for work-related activities (washing, cooking, cleaning, ironing clothes, etc.). Generally, we don't like to use them in our bedrooms, living rooms or other more relaxed rooms in the house.

It was so hard for me to get used to fluorescent lights inside homes and apartments when I came to Thailand. When I first moved into my new apartment, I bought all table lamps with soft-colored incandescent light bulbs. When my Thai friends came to visit, they immediately turned on the glaring overhead lights with the comment, "Ugh! Why is it SO DARK in here?!!" As I turned them back off, I would reply, "It's NOT dark--it's soft and warm!" The battle went on--off on off on off--accompanied by much joking.

Wild animals. I always laughed at my Thai-Isan friends. Whenever we were in the jungle or a park and they saw a wild animal, their first comment was always about whether it tasted good or not. "See that lizard over there? Ah, 'arroy mak!' " (very delicious). See those big insects? Very tasty when roasted over a fire!" "See that big frog? Worthless! You can't eat that kind." Now I find myself always asking my friends: "What is that animal over there? Do you eat it too? Is it delicious?" I'm afraid that if I came back to America and started asking those questions, they would immediately take me to a big buffet-style restaurant, thinking I was starving to death!

I look forward to your next "chapter," seeing my home country through your eyes. When you come back to Isan, I will share with you a place where you can read about your home country through MY eyes. You have a real surprise waiting for you.

Your Teacher

P.S. By the way, I am glad you are at an 85-90% understanding of my emails--that means I am challenging you!. And yes, I understand yours, 98-100%. Excellent writing. (You must have had a wonderful, talented instructor for "Basic Composition and Writing!" Didn't you get a B+ in that course?).

Through Thai Eyes - II

2006-04-04T09:37:00.000+07:00

Another gem from our student working in the USA (see earlier blog, "Through Thai Eyes")...

________________________________________________

Dear Teacher,

The spring has come now; thus I won't meet the snow at all. What a pity! Moreover, the weather seems to be a little more like Thailand's. It's very hot in the after noon, but still cold in the evening. However, it's nice for not remaining hot all day.

Yesterday, I lost 9 dollars (360 baht) !!! Because there's nobody telling us prior to set the time 1 hour earlier then always. Because of it is the SPRING !!!

We didn't know about this matter before. So when I clocked-in to work, I was very frightened if there's any things wrong with the clock-in system. Then when we went up to our office, we discovered that there were plenty of Housekeeping Crews there already!!! We so much wondered why the farang crews clocked-in earlier, despite it shoud be us who always clock-in five minutes prior !!!

But after HSKP Manager informed us about this USA's proceture, we immediately knew that we lost nine dollars this day. What a pity.

By the way, April Fool's Day has gone. At first, I thought it would be the very fun day, but nothing much they did with the lie. How about you? How many VICTIMS you got that Day?

Anyway, hope you'll enjoy this comming festival, Song Kran. Break a leg, my teacher !

Your student

_______________________________________________

Dear C,

Hey, great to get your email again. Ah, weather just like home--but the clock keeps changing on you. Oops, forgot to tell you about that little Creature of Time we call "Daylight Savings Time". Crazy Americans think they can do more things in 24 hours if they move the clock backwards and forwards during the year.

April Fool's Day in Thailand? YES, it happened! I was tricked. I logged onto two of my favorite Thai websites: www.thaivisa.com and www.2bangkok.com They both had fake news stories. One story was about a train in Phuket having an accident. I'm going to Phuket next week for Songkran, and I was a little concerned (although I will be flying). Phuket Island doesn't even have a railroad! So April Fool's Day even reaches out to us unsuspecting farangs in Thailand, too. Caught like a rat in a trap.

I bet you will have the driest Songkran of your life, this year. Happy Thai New Year, anyway!

Your Teacher,
Aj. J

_________________________________________________

LINK: Time chaos as Daylight Savings Time (DST) arrived in Thailand Tuesday (Dated: April 1, 2003)

Through Thai Eyes - I

2006-03-30T08:18:00.001+07:00

One of the very enjoyable experiences of teaching here in Thailand is seeing your home country through their eyes. This year we sent about 50 of our English-major students to the USA for summer work. Remember, summer in Thailand is March-April-May, so right now these students are scattered all over the USA from Hawaii to Florida. I always wait in eager anticipation to get those first emails, and I share one with you (warts and all!) I just received this morning, along with my reply.

Pardon the student's vocabulary choice for "cigarette butts." We have more work to do with him when he gets home!

___________________________________________________________

Dear Teacher,

First of all, I'd like to apologize for not able to keep in touch with you as often as I've told you before, because there's no computer or even the telephone in our dormitory. The telephone box doesn't present in our site as well. Each time I need to use the computer, I have to go to our boss' office where many people are seriusly dealing with their works there. Therefore, I don't want to do like that so often. Although our boss will move us to the another better dorm where provides internet access, we don't want to move because we have to pay more money for the housing. Anyway, I will do try to keep in touch with you, my professional teacher.

Thank you for the GREAT GRADE you've given to me. It pulls up my GPAX a lot.

Here, in Virginia, is a good match for us. It's peaceful, nice environment, friendly and funny people and not crowded.

Before we came here, we had stayed in your HOME, at New Yorker Hotel, New York. We experienced many fascinating things there. The buildings are much more bigger than those ones we see in Bangkok or in our other big cities. We went to the Central Park where I have no idea that how they can put that natural park among this HUGE CITY without leaving it destroyed like the park in our home (Country). The squirrels are running all over the yard in the park without being scared of people. Moreover, we can breathe freshly in the park (or even in the city) despite we are surrounded by a large number of crowded people and cars !!! Fascinating !!!

And evenmore, I saw a young boy and girl kissing in the park ignoring the people (including me) who kept walking pass them! And the most attractive is that ... the light of the city which is very colorfull at night, especially prominantly at Time Square. We love it.

But what I consider it makes New York unpleasent is the CIGARETTE! I saw almost people (or even all) ,from the young to the old, smoking a lot. There are many cigarette asses (or cigarette filters?) in everywhere -- on the streets, in the trash cans, and almost in the DRIANS !!! It seems like the people consider smoking is as normal as drinking the pop !!!

I think European and American are on the top list of those who smoke the most. So, I wonder how do you survive from this matter, because I've never seen you smoking and appreciated it's the good of you, my kind teacher.

All in all, I LOVE AMERICA. It doesn't make me disappointed. THE POWERFUL AND MIGHTY COUNTRY.

I almost get used to with the food, the foreign accent and the weather now. And I enjoy working so much.

>>> Once in a life I experience America, it is worth my whole life... <<<>

Yours sincerely,
C

P.S. Sorry for the lenghtly mail, it's affected by the reasons
according to the very first beginning of this mail.

__________________________________________________

Dear C,

Wow, what a great email--how interesting to see the USA through your eyes!

New York City is made up of a huge population of recent immigrants (mostly from Europe and the Mediterranean countries), so you'll see many similarities to Europe there--including the smoking (yuck). This city is soooo different from the West Coast where I live--but my impressions of New York City are about the same as yours! I do love the liveliness of the city, also.

Despite the difficulty of finding a computer, thanks for the effort to send an email. By the way, public libraries often have free email service on their computers, although you have to get a library card (free) to use one.

As to your grade, please don't thank me. YOU did all the hard work, and you earned it. There were 2 C'2, 7 C+'s, 1 B, 10 B+'s, and only 5 A's given in the class. So, consider yourself part of the privileged, elite, top 20% of the class!

Hope to hear more from you later!
Your Teacher in Thailand

It's Getting Chili in Thailand

2006-03-29T14:00:00.000+07:00

...and we're not talking about the weather
(100+ Fahrenheit right now).

I am referring, my-about-to-be-dazzled readers, to a recent extraordinary accomplishment from a brown-thumbed gardner who has trouble growing even weeds. When I first moved to Thailand, I bought a big bag of dried chili peppers to use in my quest to learn how to cook Thai dishes. When I later learned that Thai cooking in Isan is basically any stir-fry with 50% chili peppers, I abandoned the no-challenge project. However, three years later, I pulled out this bag of chilis from the fridge vegetable bin, and inquired of my friends what to do with them. "Throw 'em in your weed-patch, and watch what happens," was their sage advice. OK, I do grow a few weeds. My weed-patch looks more like a partially balding old man with tufts of hair sprouting haphazzardly here and there.

So, I threw the dried-up, deader-'n-a-door-nail chilis out into the balding weed patch and forgot about them. In a couple months, lo and behold, I had a half-dozen chili bush babies! Amazing how becoming a father changes your perspective and you start accepting responsibility. I got serious and started watering them every day.

A month or so later, I had teenagers in the family. Hungry teenagers. This momentous event now called for fertilizer to feed my hungry charges. I asked my Thai teacher the name of a good fertilizer I could pick up at the town garden shop, and how I should ask for it. With an impatient wave of the hand, he dismissed my idea immediately. He wasn't quite sure what the best word was, but he spelled out the only one he knew in very large letters on a scrap of paper and held it up an inch from my nose: "S-H-#-T."

"Uh, you mean the kind that comes from cows?" I naively inquired, screwing up my nose.

A month following, so help me, a handful (batch? gaggle?) of adult chili bushes waved in the breeze in my little makeshift haphazzard garden. I couldn't believe it--from three year old dried chilis scattered about the garden--I had a sustainable crop which commands about $1 a pound on the local market. (I'm rich! I'm rich).

The real thrill came when the peppers started appearing just a couple weeks ago...first green, then yellow, orange, and finally bright red.

Today, was the crowning glory of my agricultural career. I picked two of the most beautiful, glossy, red chili peppers I've ever seen from the top of one of my tenderly cared-for chili bushes.

[Actual photgraph of actual first two chilis from actual garden grown by actual farang appears at the top of this blog. Stamp that photo: "EVIDENCE".]

Relishing the moment, and remembering that when chilis are red, they're fairly mild, I popped a whole chili into my mouth and chomped down. Arghhh! Cough! Choke! Gag! Oh yeah, it's the COOKED red chilis that are fairly mild, I remembered too late. Seven glasses of water later, I felt I had at least gotten my money's worth (and the equivalent of a burn-tattoo on the roof of my mouth).

Perhaps your local newspaper might feature in the near future about a teacher-turned-chili-business magnate who has taken over the market of Thailand's national vegetable, the venerated chili. Remember you heard it here, first.

By the way, my first bio-engineering job after above accomplishment? Tone down that fire. Gasp.

__________________________________________________

P.S. Pardon my over-simplification of Thai-Isan cooking. There really are some wonderful unique dishes that take some artful cooking and and involve a list of delicious ingredients. Something I have no patience for on the chef's end of things.

And You Think YOU'VE Got it Bad?

2006-03-06T14:57:00.000+07:00

When you're sitting in stalled traffic on I-5 or I-405, just cheer yourself up by knowing it could be worse. Last December 4, 2005, Bangkok had the worst "normal"* traffic jam on record. Traffic was blocked on an "expressway" between the city and the airport. The time motorists sat in their cars without moving? Eight hours.

People ran out of gas while stalled. Other's abandoned their cars and started walking. Of course that only served to worsen the situation. Many tickets and tow trucks later, things got cleared around midnight.

A couple years ago, it took me three hours to go the eight miles from the city to the airport by bus, barely catching my flight five minutes before they shut the airplane door. Yes, I could have walked (maybe jogged) it faster.

It is common when visiting Bangkok to have your taxi driver turn off his motor in a traffic jam--often the traffic won't move for 20-30 minutes at a traffic light. That's at EVERY intersection! Of course, the taxi's meter keeps running! So, it's not unusual for me to pay my fare up to that point, get out and walk. Usually you can flag down a motorcyclist and offer him 20 baht to take you between the stalled rows of cars (praying no one decides to open their car door...). So, count your blessings!

Also, another reason I enjoy living in the "Appalachia" of Thailand--Isan--far, far from the madness!

*"normal" excludes traffic jams due to natural disasters such as hurricanes (Houston 2005), fleeing attacking Martians (New Jersey, Halloween of 1938), etc.

Your Know You're a Thai Redneck When....

2006-02-23T21:07:00.000+07:00

(below) From America: redneck jacuzzi
Most Americans are familiar with Jeff Foxworthy's redneck jokes. They poke good-natured fun at country people in the USA. Example: "You know you're a redneck if that billboard that says "Say 'no' to crack" reminds you to pull up your jeans." Rural people seem to enjoy them the most, because they can laugh at themselves.

Well, redneck jokes have now hit the Thailand expat community. Some guys blend in so well with the upcountry rural culture (especially guys who marry Thai wives from rural areas) that other expats are making fun of them. To quote one of my internet friends, "This is all for fun and should not be taken seriously. I love Thailand and the Thai people. This is just another way to express my love for their culture. " So here goes....

You know you're a Thai redneck if...

...If your idea of vehicle air bag safety is having your lady sit on the front of your motorbike.

....if your food tastes better when you eat on the floor sitting on newspapers

...if you consider owning a buffalo as a good investment

...if you don't use toilet paper [JD's note: that's only for fancy Bangkok people]

...if the one and ONLY bottle of medicine you have at home cures every single illness known to man.

...if your whole family sits on the floor eating your meal--when visiting a KFC or MacDonald's in Bangkok.

...if you use two 1-baht coins as tweezers.

...if you can't sleep because that chicken in the next room just won't shut up.

...if you carefully avoid the dog sleeping in the middle of the street but prefer hit-and-run for humans.

...if your idea of lawn ornaments are the empty plastic bags blown off the highway.

...if you haven't done the dishes in hot water for the last five years.

...if you can eat any dish consisting of 50% hot chili peppers without heart failure.

...if your idea of a traffic jam is two motorbikes waiting for the buffalo to finish his business in the middle of the dirt road.

...if your only morning alarm clock is the regular 4:30am mosquito attack.

...if you prefer the "Burning Garbage" aroma as your choice of spray can air freshener.

...if the back end and the front end of your pickup truck are held together by scrap wood.

...if your idea of "dining out" is moving from the inside floor to a grass mat outside the front door.

...if you use para* as cologne.

*(para: very popular condiment made from fermented fish and condensed into a paste. Quite a stimulant to the olfactory senses!)

At the least these should give you a tongue-in-cheek flavor for upcountry life!

______________________________________

[Acknowledgement: adapted from Thaivisa.com forum]

And in closing, from America again...

(To my Thai friends: Some people who live out in the country in the USA live in small metal homes on wheels. When they are this small, we call it a "travel trailer." Its purpose is for travel, but some people live in them as a permanent home.)

How to Wai Your "Hi" in Thai

2006-02-22T13:25:00.006+07:00

One of the first things you learn in this culture is the physical act of greeting called the wai. Actually, in addition to greeting, the wai has many, many other uses: expressing appreciation, leave-taking, showing honor, serious apologies, etc. Looks simple, huh? Easy as waving "hi," huh?

Think again!

The hands. It's more than just flat hands held against each other. The wai is supposed to represent a lotus bud, which also figures prominently in Thai culture. Therefore, the hands are ever so slightly cupped to give that "bud" appearance. The kids in the picture above are still in training, so don't mimic them. You need a more rounded look to your hands position. The guy below has it right.

The vertical position of hands. Depending on the status of the person to whom you are wai-ing, you demonstrate the appropriate honor by the height of your wai. This is a bit tricky. You also have to take into account your own status. So many factors come into play here: age, position, relationship, economic status, social status, etc. You have to roll it all into one and then demonstrate your wai to match the situation.

The lowest wai is with the tips of the fingers at about mid-chest level. The highest wai, given to the King, are hands and arms way above the head with head and neck bent backward at a very awkward angle. Then, there's a half-dozen positions in between these extremes: tips of fingers at chin, at mouth, at bottom of nose, at top of nose, mid-forehead, etc.

The position of the head. While doing the wai there are variations from keeping your head unbent, to a deep Japanese-style bow. Which do you use? The more head-movement downward, the greater honor being given. It's all part of that status thing. As if that wasn't enough, then there's....

The timing. It's important who does the wai first. I've been admonished more than once on this point. My first month in Thailand, I had heard how important the wai was, so I was going to be sure NOT to forget it! My secret was to show it to everyone, all the time--and to show my enthusiasm for their culture by jumping the gun and doing it first. I went around, doing the wai to up-line status, down-line status, trees, dogs and cats. I thought everyone's giggle was from their delight. No, it was because I looked ridiculous. I was totally unaware of the "timing" angle. Now, I know to let down-line status individuals wai to me first. However, I need to be quick-thinking to initiate the wai to up-line status persons, lest I offend them.

Get it right, and you earn the approval and pleasure of the person you seek to honor. Get it wrong, and you risk embarrassing, or at worst, insulting the other person. Fortunately, we foreigners are granted, what I call "farang's license" to mess up. Just the effort is appreciated. However, if you've been in Thailand for some years, it's expected that you'll stop being a dunce and start getting it right!

OK, start practicing, class! The quiz is on Friday. Flunk the quiz? Lose your visa. Pass the quiz? Earn a Thai's undying appreciation for taking the time to learn his or her culture!

Ronald MacDonald
gets into the wai.
Anything to sell those Big Macs.

And not to be left out,
The Michelin Tire Man
show's his cultural
sensitivity as well.

The world's most polite
crocodiles reside in Thailand.

(At the gates of my local village's

temple)

Atten-n-n-n-n-SHUN!!

2006-02-21T16:12:00.001+07:00

For a blog or diary writer, the danger of living in a new culture too long is that things become commonplace. Every so often, I have to startle myself into remembering what it was like the first time I saw or experienced something new in Thailand, in order to capture the uniqueness of it all.

The campus police force is one of those now-commonplace, but once-startling experiences. They're a sharp looking bunch: most of them former military guys in their early 30's, physically fit, short haircuts, ram-rod straight posture, and the over all bearing of a soldier. Their dark-blue uniforms, modest insignias, and shin-high military boots complete a pretty convincing picture. I would guess most of them are getting more experience for the next step in their career, the national police force, which is quite a coveted and powerful position in Thai society.

Imagine the first time I was rushing to class along a breezeway and came face to face with one of these military types. He stopped dead in his tracks, drew up to his full height, loudly clicked the heels of his spit-shined boots together, and gave a smart salute, edge of open hand to forehead, and elbow held high. I also stopped dead in my tracks--not to acknowledge him, but to look behind me to see if the Prime Minister of Thailand was in tow. No one there. I turned back to him, and judging by the eye-to-eye contact, it dawned--slowly dawned--upon me that this gesture was intended for yours truly.

Now, mind you, no one has ever saluted me in my life--except for an insulting salute by a smart-alec junior high kid in an American school who was mocking my authority. The difference: while the middle-school brat had a sneer on his face, Mr. Campus Policeman had one of those "Yes Sir!" expressions I've only seen in World War II movies. I wasn't sure whether to lead the charge or search in my book bag for another medal to pin to his uniform. Not sure how to lead a charge, nor having any medals, I opted for a Thai wai (folded hands in front of my chin and slight bow), and continued on my way--just a bit flustered.

Big mistake.

Someone who saw the brief interchange upbraided me at a later time. "Ajarn (Professor) JD, did I see you giving a wai to the campus policeman this morning?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Didn't you notice his embarrassment?"

"No, I just wai'd and quickly walked on. Why was he embarrassed? Was I supposed to salute back?"

"Not really. As a university teacher in our culture, you really shouldn't acknowledge or show deference to a campus police officer. You should just continue on, as if he wasn't there."

Oh really? The first time in my life I felt like The Commander in Chief of Something, and I'm just supposed to pretend it didn't happen? Bummer. Such is the vertical society of Thailand. In the horizontal society of the USA we take delight in "all are created equal." In Thailand, we're supposed to take delight in "We all know our place in the hierarchy of society."

Years later, I suddenly realize I get that formal military-style, heel-clicking salute several times a week. However, now it's almost a non-event. It's as normal as tying my shoes every morning. I really don't feel "more important." It hasn't gone to my head.* It's just another normal manifestation of a society that values a carefully defined social ladder.

I said almost a non-event. OK, I cheat just a little. I'm still a farang (foreigner) and I still can't help returning just a little twinkle in my eye and a slight smile.

At best, I think he knows it's still a bit novel for the foreign teacher to get such treatment.

At worse, the other possibility is that he still wants a reaction out of me like that on the first day--not the wai, but that searching look over my shoulder for Mr. Prime Minister.

At worst, I might be the private joke among the Campus Police.

__________________________________________________________

*The next time I return home to the USA for a visit, I would prefer all of you at the airport to line up in a reasonably straight line, stand at attention, and execute a respectful salute as I exit customs with my bags. No sneers. Thank you. [Update, 2011: Apparently my instructions were ignored last visit.]

Teaching in Thailand: Newbie Tips

2006-02-18T23:05:00.000+07:00

First Year Experiences...

Three years ago, I stepped into a Thai-Isaan classroom full of unmotivated 15-year-old students who could hardly say "My name is..." in English. I could speak absolutely no Thai beyond "sawadee krap" (hello) which I murdered so badly I had best remained silent. At the outset, they were petrified from fear, and so was I.

By accident, I happened upon a technique which serves me well to this day. After several fruitless false starts, it hit upon me one day to ask the students to become my teachers--to teach me their language. In my neck of the woods, it's the Isaan folk language (a derivative of Lao). Because their folk language is somewhat frowned upon in "proper Thai society," they were dumbstruck that not only a farang was asking them to be his teacher, but that he didn't ask to be taught "proper Thai."

Almost as if by magic, these cowering students displayed an unbelievable confidence which bordered on delight as they reallized they could teach the intimidating foreign teacher something he didn't know. In the process, I slipped in the equivalent English terms, basically teaching English by stealth.

It became a game of competitive learning between me and the students. We both did a lot of acting, drawing pictures on the board, playing games, etc. Weekly, we took walks around the school campus, them "teaching me" about the flora, fauna, Buddhist statues, parts of the motorcycle, features of a building, etc. I would "just happen" to mention the English equivalents at every stop, and they started trying to imitate it.

For one thing, they learned how much slower language comes for a 50-ish student than a middle-school student. My defeats became their delights as they "bested" me nearly every day by remembering the English faster than I could remember the Isaan terms. In the end, I know they learned a lot more English than I learned Isaan.

Yes, I did get some disapproving stares from Thai English teachers who were futilely drilling their kids on English grammar, but I know we were defintely having more fun. And, any teacher worth their salt knows that, in a relaxed atmosphere, the doors to comprehension and retention get thrown wide open. At the end of the year, their kids knew more English grammar rules, but my kids could speak it. Which would you take?

Of course, the cleverest students caught on to what I was doing, but still enjoyed the charade. For the rest of them, probably for years, I'll be remembered at that school as the English-speaking farang who came to learn their folk language. Lingering reputation notwithstanding, I'm a pragmatist. Whatever works, do it.

These days, teaching upper-level English majors, and master’s degree students at a large Thai university, I still fall back on the “old trick.” When I see that deer-in-the-headlights look of bewilderment or failed confidence, I just ask, “Now what’s that equivalent Thai/Isaan word?” Some clever student always comes to my rescue with the native term, and--“bingo”--class equilibrium is magically restored as well as a term gets unequivocally defined in the minds of the students.

My college professors always said you should be a lifelong student, but never knew how handy it would come in at the professor's podium!

The Music of Patriotism

2006-01-14T20:59:00.001+07:00

I've heard it twice a day for the last three years. Let's see, that's 365 days x 3 years x 2 times a day = 2,190 times. My first year working at the college, I stood respectfully at attention each morning while the voices of 5,000 students sang in unison to both the national and king's anthem, while a huge Thai flag was raised. By now, I've heard it so often that, by the amazing learning method called "osmosis", I now can even sing it in Thai. But yesterday it struck me that even though these songs are part of the routine of my daily life, I still had no idea what the lyrics meant. A five-minute internet search ended my curiousity. A translation follows:

The Thai National Anthem

Thailand embraces in its bosom
All people of Thai blood.
Every inch of Thailand
belongs to the Thais.
It has long maintained its sovereignty
because the Thais have always been united.
The Thai people are peace-loving
But they are no cowards at war.
They shall allow no-one
To rob them of their independence.
Nor shall they suffer tyranny.
All Thais are ready to give up
Every drop of blood for the nation's
Safety, freedom and progress.
Chai Yo (CHEERS)

To hear it , click here.

Usually, along with the National Anthem, the "King's Anthem" is also sung. In every theater across the country, the audience stands at attention to this song before a movie is shown, and many sports events begin with the singing of these lyrics as well.

The King's Anthem

I, servant of Buddha
Prostrate my heart and head
To pay homage and give great blessings
To the protector of the land,
One of the Great Chakri Dynasty
Head of the Thai people
Supreme in rank
I know comfort from your protection.
Because of your gracious care
All the people are happy and peaceful.
We pray that whatever you wish for
Fate will grant you
According to your heart's desire
To bring you prosperity.
We salute you.

To hear it , click here.

When either song is played on loudspeakers throughout Thailand, I've seen busy town centers and bus stations come to a virtual halt while people stood at attention for the duration of the music. At 6:00pm every night, I'm usually running on a treadmill at the university fitness center when the anthems are played publicly. However, my treadmill also comes to a stop in respect to the Thai around me who cease their exercises and stand at attention while "facing the music."

When it comes to their country and king, the Thai are definitely a proud people!

______________________________________________________

Acknowledgement: Thanks to our friends over at Thai-blogs.com for the audio link.

For the New Year...

2005-12-31T17:48:00.000+07:00

Some Thoughts About Friendship

Many people will walk in and out of your life,
But only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.

To handle yourself, use your head,
To handle others, use your heart.

Anger is only one letter short of danger.

If someone betrays you once, it is his fault;
If he betrays you twice, it is your fault.

Great minds discuss ideas;
Average minds discuss events;
Small minds discuss people.

He, who loses money, loses much;
He, who loses a friend, loses much more;

Beautiful young people are accidents of nature,
But beautiful old people are works of art.

Learn from the mistakes of others.
You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.

My Life as a Rice Farmer, Part 2

2005-12-27T16:00:00.000+07:00

OK, which is the rice farmer’s house? Picture on the left, or below?

Good guess, but only half-right.

The house below is just a part-time living living space for farmers at rice planting and harvesting, a place of respite from the midday heat at lunch or break time. Sometimes, it's an overnight place to sleep if animals or "rice poachers" are threatening the harvest.

The one on the upper left? It doesn’t exist. It came out of someone’s imagination. (Not a bad seaside cottage, huh?)

As we left our last touristy spot, a beautiful drive along a vast reservoir rimmed by a national park, I was enjoying my first day as a farmer quite well. However, I had second thoughts as night began to fall, and we turned off the pavement onto a narrow dirt track. An approaching heavy cloud cover added to the blackness, and soon produced lightning, thunder, and a tropical downpour. Vinny was very quiet, concentrating on the obstacle-course-like country road. The dirt track became a prolonged mud hole, and I began to wonder… 1) Are we going to make it out of the next muddy hole without a broken axle? and 2) Does this farming village even have electricity? I knew we had really hit the “boonies” when my cell phone lost its signal.

The dark route
to the village,
just before
the storm hit.

With the blackness, lightning, thunder, blinding sheets of rain, cow-path muddy road to an unknown village back in the sticks and no communication to the outside world, it looked like a prelude to a B-rated horror flick.

I had no idea what kind of living conditions I would be facing at the end of that road. So, as usual, I had packed for all eventualities; bottled water, my tropical-weather sleeping cocoon (thin, cool silk; but keeps the critters off the skin), mosquito net, flashlight with extra batteries, and insect repellent. I even stashed a little bag of peanuts, since there might not be a refrigerator to raid at three a.m.

Consternation turned to relief as I could see the ELECTRIC lights of a little village up ahead through the heavy rain. Ah, Thailand has done a good job of electrifying at least 99% of its villages, and I was in the majority tonight! After driving through the center of a small town, we came to the edge, where the rice fields were, and pulled into a rice farmer’s compound.

Vinny’s mom and dad hadn’t seen him in many months and the Thai greeting was typical—no hugs, no surprised expressions nor raised voices in welcome--just a simple, silent hand motion to direct us into the drier house. I could tell mom-and-dad-rice-farmer had done well here. They had a hired hand, a“mechanical buffalo” out in the front yard, and a tile floor in their home. The house was closed-in on three sides, but open to nature along the fourth side.

Picture note: The "mechanical buffalo" complains a lot less, doesn't have to be
taken out to graze every day (time-consuming), and is a status symbol for a
farmer who's "made it." You still have to follow behind it, and take whatever mud it
kicks back into your face. Some things just don't change.

This kind of house construction is generally compatible with the Thai environment except for when the flying termites swarm annually and an occasional windstorm whips through the land. Tonight was our “lucky” night of the year--the flying termites. Literally thousands of airborne termites swarmed through the farmyard, and hundreds of their comrades were flying through the house as we entered.

As we swatted the air, a small meal of grilled rice-paddy fish, sticky rice, and rainwater was served as Vinny introduced the first white foreigner that mom and dad had ever welcomed into their home. His sister and brother-in-law joined us from their farm a little ways down the road. Interspersed with the airborne combat (and fishing the winged critters out of the food and drink) we had a good time getting acquainted. His parents, in their 70’s, were the umpteenth generation to farm this land which produced enough rice to sustain its owners for centuries. Mom was in good health, but dad was ailing. Despite his declining health, he continued to daily work the farm. Daughter and son-in-law helped them on their farm, along with the services of the hired hand.

Early evening turned to mid-evening and, true to farm life everywhere, it was early to bed. Much work to be done tomorrow. I was tired from the long day, and my eyes had been drooping for the past half hour anyway. Isan families (and guests) all sleep in the same open space, and I was looking forward to throwing my sleeping bag down among the family members on the floor (comfort and safety in numbers—typical Isan fashion). Brother-in-law and sister would stay the night, so along with the hired help, that would make seven of us finding our own little niche on the floor.

However, Vinny must have told his parents how much foreigners like their privacy. I assumed that, because while everyone bedded down on the tile floor, I was taken aside. Vinny fired up the gas lantern and took me a few meters across the muddy yard to an older shanty, which had been the previous family home. It obviously hadn’t been used in years. As we swept aside the cobwebs, and found a place to hang the gas lantern, I surveyed the one-room hut: It stood about three feet above the ground on stilts. One-inch gaps in the floorboards and wallboards told me I’d be needing my mosquito net, without a doubt. Fortunately, the roof was still in good repair, and it was dry. Vinny left the lantern, and bid goodnight.

OK, I’m on my own. Now, mind you, I’ve taken two-week solo backpack trips up into the Cascade Mountains of my home state—sleeping on the ground, communing with nature, enjoying the great outdoors--without an ounce of fright or unease. A bear-sighting would normally not frighten me, but only be seen as a photo opportunity.

But there’s something just a little different about a foreign country and tropical environment. I’m constantly coming across new weird (read: “toxic, poisonous”) plants, reptiles and insects. I finally got used to my modern duplex in the university village (despite a toad and centipede or two in the house); but in a farmer’s shanty, alone, still stretched my comfort zone just a bit. At least it'd be nice to be able to ask someone nearby: "What's THAT!?" Or, "should I touch it?" Or even more importantly, "Should it be touching ME?"

I first tried seeing the advantages: OK, at least it’s closed in on four sides (fewer flying termites), and I had my own private bath area in back. But, some big unknowns: As I lay my bag down under the mosquito netting, I heard something scurrying in the weeds just barely three feet under the gaping floorboards. Then there was that dark, seldom-used farmer’s bathhouse out back. What unknown experiences awaited me there? Plenty…

My Life as a Rice Farmer, Part 1

2005-11-27T17:56:00.001+07:00

Ok, it was just two days, but I’ll put it on my resume.

My Thai-language tutor and good friend, Vinny, kept badgering me to spend a weekend at his boyhood home and parents’ rice farm, about a three-hour journey from our university town. He wanted me to experience rice farming close up and personal. Finally, with a weekend free coming up, I gave him a call, and off we went in his pickup truck to see life unlike my university environment.

Vinny is really a great guy: father of two older kids (high school and university students), husband of one wife, fish farmer, rice farmer, motorbike repairman, dormitory owner/manager, chili-plant grower, and anything else he can put his hand to in order to make a few extra baht to keep the family in food and clothes. With all that activity, he still finds time to befriend this farang—language lessons as often as I want, and an open door to do short tours around Isan in his pickup truck.

Vinny personifies the Thai idiom “naam-jai” (literally “water-heart”), meaning someone who is totally generous with no strings attached. My Thai friend sometimes stops by my little duplex to chat, and we go on for hours. He’s had such an interesting life—growing up near an American military base during the Vietnam war, working abroad in Saudi Arabia and Iraq. He goes on how the Americans were so kind and helpful to his boyhood village. In some way, I think he’s paying back their kindness by being so kind and generous to me.

Leaving shortly after dawn on a Saturday morning, Vinny took on the role of a local tour guide—full of stories and history of the area. Here’s a string of snapshots of some of our temporary stops along the way which took the full day.

A long one-kilometer climb to the
top of a sacred Buddhist mountain.

In the steamy climate, and halfway
to the top of the mountain, this
position looks rather inviting.

An overweight Buddha image
reminds me why I’m panting and
sweating so much on the climb.

View from the top.

A former US bomb casing
converted into a temple bell,
now calls worshippers to meditation.

An artisan putting final touches
on an ornate temple altar.

You donate 3,000 baht (about
$75 US), and you get your name
on a fence section at the temple.

Must’ve been a good idea,
judging by the number of names
painted on numerous sections!

Thais have a quirky sense of humor when out in the forest.
Whenever they see a big overhanging rock, they love
to put sticks and objects under it as if the spindly little
struts were supporting it.
The small red lettering on the rock?
Temple notice: “Do not support this stone!”

This is one “stick” no one grabs to
support their forest stones.
It’s really an insect.

We came upon quite a large reservoir which the
local population finds many uses for.

Top: Freshwater clams at a nearby market.
Bottom: Freshwater shrimp from the barby anyone?
I'm suprised at how many "seafoods" have their
freshwater counterparts: mussels, crabs, etc.

Quite a beautiful national park
lined the shores of the reservoir.

Park visitors’ headquarters. Thai
national parks are well
organized and inviting places to visit.

University students conquering a nearby
rock outcropping at the park.

Asparagus vendors spreading their
veggies on the road shoulder.
This veggie is plentiful and cheap.

Herbal hawker selling his remedies.

Looked like weeds to me…

Tomb of a famous local monk.
Those elephants are life-sized!

So far, being a rice farmer seemed like a pretty cushy job--riding around in a pickup all day, enjoying the local sites with my personal interpreter and tour guide, savoring the local delicacies, taking snapshots like any other tourist. Loved it!

To be continued....
See post December 27, 2005

Interlude: Pause for a Shudder

2005-11-25T17:31:00.000+07:00

Scolopendra Subspinipes or Tropical Centipede
Grows up to 8 inches (20 centimeters)

This is probably a “yawn” blog posting to my SE Asian friends, but I’m sure it’ll provide a good “yuck” response from my North American visitors.

About 3-1/2 years ago, I saw one of these things on a pile of ruins at Angkor Wat in Cambodia. Being new to SE Asia, I approached it to get a good picture and my native guide rather roughly grabbed my arm and pulled me away, cautioning me to steer clear (and ruining my picture in the process). He made it sound as though the thing would jump on me from a couple meters away. Actually, it turns out these are rather slow-moving creatures (all the easier to stealthily sneak into bed with you at night).

Last year, one of my university students was bitten, and told me the spine-tingling details. Like most students (and rural Isan residents), his bed in the dormitory is a palette on the floor. Therefore it was easy for one of these creatures to crawl up onto his neck and inflict a bite during the night. (Talk about a living Daraculan nightmare.)

He said that the pain was near-paralyzing. The medical clinic is just across the road from his dormitory. However, it hurt so badly, he lay there (near-motionless) for 2-1/2 days before being able make it across the road for medical help (he lives alone).

I just asked another native Isan resident about the local folk treatment:

Heat up cow manure to just below skin-burning temperature.
Mix it with a local herb (he can't remember what it was; probably the main effective ingredient!).
Spread it on the wound, and keep it there until the pain subsides.

As a little boy, this informant was bitten and was treated by his grandfather many years ago. He said it took three days for the pain to subside. However, from what I hear, two to three days for the pain to subside is about the lifetime of the agony anyway. So who really knows if the folk remedy speeds up recovery or not?

I would be quick to add that I'm not purposely discounting most of the Isan folk medicine. These guys know stuff that the Bangkok-trained (or abroad-trained) doctors have never laid eyes on, and a lot of it is quite effective (personal experience).

After hearing some of these local stories, I've made a few New Year's resolutions:

I'm checking my shoes in the morning
I'm checking the bedding before I hop in at night
No more sleeping on the floor, which I've done often.
No more walking around in the dark (inside or outside) in my bare feet, which I've also often done since moving to Isan.

I'm no four-year-old wimp, but I've heard enough stories that make me want to exercise just a little more caution in daily life.

UPDATE: "Emergency and Chaos!" Read one of our readers' first-hand accounts with a centipede. At that web-site, scroll down to the Jan. 17, 2006 entry.

Anyone Lose a Leg?

2005-11-23T10:30:00.000+07:00

I've run over a lot of interesting things in my motorbike travels in Isan: snakes, rats, haystacks, boxes, and almost an elephant. However, yesterday's bizarre incident just won't shake itself out of my mind.

I was giving a lift to a student from the university to downtown, when we came upon something about 1 meter (3 ft.) long, a mixture of fur (hide?) bone, blood, and rather jagged on one end, I made a last minute maneuver, avoiding it, but looking through my rearview mirror, saw another motorbike behind me hit it. The object flipped up in the air, doing a couple twirls and landed further out into the middle of the road.

I dreaded asking, but road-kill shock drove me to it: "What was that?!" I yelled to my passenger.

It wasn't so much the information I received, but how it was conveyed that rattled me.

"A cow leg," he said in a somewhat indifferent, nonchalant manner. He immediately started chatting about something else: "Did you see the big dormitory they're building over there...?"

"Wait!!" The urgency in my voice stopped him mid-sentence. "Did you say a COW LEG? Like 'the leg of a cow?'" (making sure I was correctly understanding his grammatical construction.) "Cow leg? As in, 'There's a cow running around in a field somewhere missing a leg?' And I just saw it's missing part flipping around in the air back there? Like, I almost HIT it?"

"Yeah, so?" The non-surprise in his voice revealed to me that this was a non-event to him. It was then I remembered I was talking to a kid brought up on an Isan farm.

It was also at this moment he also realized he was talking to someone from a different planet who'd never quite confronted anything's bloody leg lying around Seattle's streets.

We rode on in silence; him, wondering what kind of sheltered life I'd lived until now.

And my thoughts?

I couldn't help picturing a cow trying to cross the busy highway, against the pedestrian "Wait" light, dodging, dancing among the racing cars, trucks, and buses. Finally, her luck runs out on the front bumper of some Nissan pickup.

Or, some farmer trying to milk an unsteady cow. "Hold on Bessy, just a few more minutes of this torture. Grab that barn pole with your teeth just a little tighter. That'll steady you".

Or overhearing a cow-to-cow conversation out in the barnyard: "Molly, did you forget to wear your prosthesis this morning? You really shouldn't leave the barn without it. You're unattractive when you hobble."

"Why me?" Molly bellowed in anguish.

Then again, perhaps it was just an overloaded rendering truck bouncing along the highway, dropping a few heads, legs and tails along the way. Most likely.

What Thai Students Really Want

2005-11-22T21:54:00.000+07:00

What does a 19-year-old Thai university student really want in life? In two of my English conversation classes, I asked the question: “If you were granted two wishes, what would they be?” Students responded anonymously on small slips of paper, and then after collecting them, I read their wishes to a very attentive class. Here’s a sampling of their answers:

ROMANTIC NOTIONS

I wish…

…that I will get a pretty boyfriend.

…my true love came with a nice guy.

…I lived with my boyfriend in Korea.

…I could find the most beautiful girl who would love me.

…I could find a soul mate.

…I could say “I love you” to someone I have a crush on.

…I married Prince William.

FAMILY

I wish…

…my parents could live with me forever.

…my parents could live in my dormitory with me.

…good health for my family.

…my family had enough money.

…bad luck didn’t happen to me and my family anymore.

…I lived in my family’s hometown.

…I had more time to spend with my family.

…I had more time to do everything for my family.

SELF-IMPROVEMENT

I wish…

…I could be stronger.

…I was taller.

…I could be more confident.

…I had much more knowledge.

…I were more intelligent.

…I was luckier

…I could be more beautiful.

…my body could be a better shape.

…I could be a nice boy for everyone.

…I was a good guy.

…I were a dancer.

EXPANDING HORIZONS

I wish…

…I could travel around the world.

… I lived in America.

…I could study abroad.

…I was an actress.

…I were a Ninja.

…Thailand had snow!

…for world peace.

EXPANDING ONE’S ASSETS

I wish…

…I had my own BMW car.

…I had a good job in a good company.

…I worked a part-time job.

…I could get a lot of money (more than a million).

BEING PRACTICAL

I wish…

…for a grade “A” in Basic English Conversation class. (at least 5 students)

…I could be better at English.

…I could study better than last semester.

…I could find something…

…I could ask for many more wishes.

_______________________________________________________

A few thoughts to ponder--

How many of these wishes do you identify with?

How many of these wishes could have originated from just about any university classroom around the world?

Flashback: The Emergency Space Pirate

2005-10-24T10:38:00.000+07:00

Several years ago, in Seattle, I was waiting for a friend, sitting in my parked car in a temporary waiting area in front of a busy downtown building. A shiny black Cadillac SUV (that screamed "I'm having my mid-life crisis") drove up behind my humble working-poor Ford Taurus and parked in the EMERGENCY ONLY! space. Oh no. One of my worst pet peeves. It just drives me nuts when people act like they own the city.

Out gets Mr. Cool in his flashy sport coat, open-neck silk shirt, gold chest medallion, sunglasses, the whole bit from the 70's. He hits the remote button to set the alarm and lock the SUV, then struts into the office building. After about ten minutes, I had a feeling he'd be awhile. So, with nothing better to do, I decided a little entertainment was in order. I rummaged around in my glove box, and found an official-looking slip of bright-pink paper with no personal information on it. It would double nicely as a look-alike parking ticket.

In a dark black pen, I scrawled a note on the inside, folded it, got out and placed it under his wiper, and then got back in my car to watch what might transpire from my rear-view mirror.

It was definitely gratifying.

The minute Mr.-It's-All-About-Me exited the building, he stopped dead in his tracks--fixated by the bright-pink "ticket" that fluttered on his windshield. I couldn't hear it, but I could clearly see the curses escaping his now-snarling lips. He bolted the 60 feet to the SUV, and still panting, snatched the bogus citation from its spot. Head turned toward my mirror (yes!) he unfolded the note. I watched anger turn to relief, then to embarrassment, then back to anger as he read:

"No it's not a $75 parking ticket, but you should hope to God, next time, it's not YOUR loved one who needs a medic, ambulance, or firetruck real quick. Now MOVE IT, LOUNGE LIZARD!"

I couldn't resist a satisfied smirk. He had been outed and didn't like it one bit. However, the pricked conscience quickly scabbed over and rage now took control. He took a couple of menacing looks around the area, looking like he'd like to pummel the first suspect he laid eyes on. At this point I thought it wise to hunker down a bit in my seat, but still maintain a good vantage point via my mirror.

Seeing no one to vent his hostility at, Mr. Cool now definitely lost his cool. He turned the air blue with every expletive in the book (this time I could hear him) while he tore the note into a dozen pieces, and threw the confetti into the wind--which promptly blew back into his face and littered the hood of his $80,000 road toy. He ripped open his door, jumped into padded luxury, roared the energy-guzzler to life, and jack-rabbited out into traffic, nearly side-swiping another vehicle.

My last visual memory was watching him burn rubber for 70 feet down the avenue.

Immaturity confirmed.

OK, call me a gutless little trouble-maker, or a jealous piece-of-crap-Taurus driver, or assume a cretin like this guy seldom changes his self-centered behavior...

...but it can sure be fun making a point.

You're asking: What does this have to do with Thailand? Ah! I read your mind! I was just over at Thai-blogs.com reading one of Wit's blogs about the "mai pen rai" mindset of the Thais. This phrase has only about two dozen translations, but basically centers around concepts like "chill out, dude," "don't worry," "take it easy," "no problem," and "relax and let it go."

Recalling this Seattle experience, it hit me how much I have personally changed since my move to Thailand. In the US, I wanted to fight every battle that came along--especially if there seemed an injustice to correct--however small or large. That's OK if you're a full time crusader, but it sure takes a toll on one's peace of mind and emotional reserve.

There will always be jerks in this world. I'm not going to change them all. Probably won't even change a few. I also have to remember that whatever they sow, they will usually reap--with or without my help. Even more realistically, I have to admit that I'm a jerk sometimes. Amazingly, not all the decisions and behaviors that emanate from me are pristine examples of wisdom and selflessness, either.

I watch my Thai friends carefully in situations like the above. Most of them are much more generous with a "live and let live" frame of mind. Most of them are pretty realistic about things they can change and the things they can't. They hotly pursue the former and leave the latter battle for others more capabable or more powerful to fight. Their reaction often comes out as a "mai pen rai" utterance. "Take it easy." "Time will tell." It frustrated me for a solid year, until I began contemplating the motivations behind it.

No, Thailand isn't turning me into a wuss. I haven't given up the battle against injustice and trying to right the wrongs of life. But, I'm learning to pick my battles more carefully. As an average human being, I only have so much mental energy and emotional stamina. I need to focus on what's the most important, and pursue that. Jesus concentrated on twelve men in the span of just three short years. That focused investment in time and energy changed the world and billions of lives. A model to follow. A teacher who knows how to replicate redeeming values in the lives of others, and centers on that, at the expense of nearly everything else.

Win the smaller battles but lose the war?
or
Lose a few battles but win the war?

Two questions. Two mind-sets.
A fork in the road of daily life.

My sojourn here is helping me to evaluate the road I take with a little more reflection and reserved determination.

_____________________________________

Mr. Cool/Lounge Lizard picture for illustrative purposes only. No, I didn't get a snapshot of my victim before he blasted off down the road.

Ah, So THAT'S Why I'm Here...

2005-10-20T16:01:00.000+07:00

Since I started working as an exporter years ago, developing close ties to Japanese and Korean expatriots living in the USA, I always asked myself if I could do it. That is, live abroad. I marveled at my customers' abilities to pick up on the language, customs and culture, and often fit right in. They seemed to relish being able to move freely and easily between two very different ways of living and thinking. From a business standpoint, alone, it was a huge advantage.

Not only was I curious about my ability to adapt, long term, but I wanted to "get below the surface" of cultures I had only observed from the outside. I wanted to get in on the inside. What little I had learned up to that point with my foreigner-friends had become the most mind and soul-expanding knowledge I had ever happened upon. I wanted more.

Traveling as a businessman and tourist to 30 countries didn't satisfy the urge, only deepened it. Finally, desire, time and opportunity married and I took the plunge into a foreign culture. Among the seven or eight cultures I had been closest to, I knew the least about Thailand. Therein lay the challenge I wanted.

Three years later, in retrospect, it was the best decision of my life. It has been like being "born again." New ways to talk, read, eat, think, sleep, bathe, keep house, shop for food, relate to people, work--and the list could go on to include all the variety of human life. Yes, it's mind-expanding and deepens the soul. Yes, it shows one how very limited his world and life view has been up until then. Yes, it's sometimes frustrating. Yes, it's sometimes exhilarating.

Have I rejected my old culture? Of course not. My students are eager to have that "foreign" contact, and I need to preserve that opportunity for them. Rather than rejecting my native culture, I have simply embraced a new one as well. I am becoming a child of two cultures. Both cultures contain things to embrace and things to reject. I hope to be wiser for integrating the best of both, and jettisoning that which doesn't edify.

The zenith of this experience is to really "connect" with other human beings from diverse ways of life. In some ways they seem like absolute extra-terrestrial aliens. Especially when caught by suprise in an unfamiliar situation, you often think you've landed on another planet.

Yet in many more ways, you are reminded that the Family of Man has undeniable traits that are shared by all. They appear to all be made in the image of a central alpha figure. You get below the exterior and you find the same dreams, fears, hates and loves you've known since childhood. Amidst all the strangeness, it adds a familiar comfort.

Karen Conelly, in Dreams of a Thousand Lives: A Sojourn in Thailand, says it best:

"I now conceive of travel, and more particularly of living abroad, as responsibility, neither a right nor a privilege but a profoundly human act. To slow down, to listen more carefully, to watch the surface until we glimpse what is underneath, to learn from people who know well what we do not know at all: these are choices, steps towards dismantling the barriers that separate not only nations and strangers, but neighbors, too."

Livin' It Up On a Shoestring

2005-10-11T20:05:00.000+07:00

Living in Central Isan, I cannot possibly spend all of my meager teacher's salary in one month! Here's my monthly expense breakdown in Thai baht. This supports two people minimum, although I’m often treating more than one friend at mealtimes. (U.S. dollar equivalent in parentheses.)

Spacious, new, clean duplex apartment: 2500 ($60)
Utilities (water/electric--including air con): 1200 ($30)
(that's on a hot-weather month)
Phone, including high-speed internet service: 750 ($20)
Food (three daily meals in restaurants): 3000 ($75)
Clothes: 500 ($12)
Toiletries: 250 ($6)
Household supplies: 500 ($12)
Motorcycle gasoline/petrol: 200 ($5)

When I first moved here, it cost me about $1000 USD to completely furnish an apartment: TV, clothes washer, stove, refrigerator, beds, desks, sofa, two floor oscillating fans, wardrobes, kitchen sink and counter (yup!), and three floor-to-ceiling wood bookshelf/cabinet units. All new.

Another $1000 USD bought my transportation (a new 125cc Honda motorbike), and I was set!

If one thinks about living in Bangkok (BKK) costs are many times the above. A BKK friend rents an apartment about one-third the space of mine on a 9th floor for a whoppin’ 6000 baht. From there, it's an inconvenient one-hour bus commute to his job in the central city. Monthly rent 10,000 baht and upward for an equivalent apartment to mine is the norm.

However, even better than BKK, here the air is clean, the water is purer, the horizon more spacious, people smile more, and no traffic jams. Rural living is very peaceful and laid back. (That might drive some foreigners crazy, I admit). BKK is an overnight bus ride away when you get lonely for the big city lights. Two nearby airports make it even quicker: a 45-minute flight for about $40 USD, Thai Airlines. ($20 discount airlines).

But please-- don't tell anyone else about how good it is here. We don't want it to get too crowded!

Thai Names, Tongue Purgatory

2005-10-10T16:23:00.000+07:00

Did you take phonetics in primary school? It finally paid off for me in my old age when I have one foot in the grave and another on a banana peel. My first day of teaching in Thailand, May 3, 2003, I faced the daunting task of deciphering the class list.

Unmercifully, it was in Thai script.

Mercifully, I passed around the list and the students transliterated their names into English script.

Unmercifully, I was no better off.

When the list came back to me, I faced the most confusing combination of vowels and consonants I'd ever laid eyes on. It must be a cruel joke. No one has a name this long. Up until that point, I thought "supercalifragilisticexpialadocious" was The King Tongue-Twister. Well, I hadn't been to Thailand yet. I stared at the list. The drops of perspiration belied my faked calm. My students had that "Now watcha gonna do?" smirk.

Hope you finally learn one difficult last name, and at least there will be a few repeats? (Like Smith, Jones, Wilson in the USA?) Dream on. Nearly every last name in my classes is unique, unless more than one student is from the same village (rare). In many villages many, and sometimes, the majority of the inhabitants have the same last name, which identifies their geographic origins. (Imagine every couple in a little Washington State town having the same name: "Mr. and Mrs. Duvall", or "Mr. and Mrs. Moses Lake").

Fortunately, the Thai like to go by their first names in conversation, and there are repeats. Still, three-syllable first names abound, so I had a BETTER idea--ah, the NICKNAME!

Thank God, most Thai also go by a one-syllable nickname (and they are sometimes very strange: Beer, Golf, Dung, Wit, Nit, Cat, Rat, Pooh, etc.). One syllable, even if it's a bit strange? I can handle that! Ah, pitffall ahead! Read on...

So after staring at my English-script class list until the students thought I'd turned into stone, I sent it around again. I cleverly had the students add their nicknames to their never-ending real names, and knew I’d licked the problem. I was now smirking.

Nope. False victory.

Now, with their "simple" one-syllable nicknames, I had to master the tones and dipthongs (vowel combinations). At least one girl in every class had the nickname “Koy”. OK, so I said it like it looked. Every day at roll call, my classes erupted into gales of laughter at my "Koy", and none of my mischievous little darlings would divulge the reason. Somehow they wanted me to keep this up. Normally, they talked and laughed with each other during the calling of their other nicknames, but when I came to Miss Koy, they hushed, edging forward in their seats, in eager anticipation of hearing the Farang Teacher botch her name once more. I hesitated every time, the proverbial pregnant pause, but couldn't think of any other way to give birth to it. "KOY" I would finally blurt out, in resignation. Their exuberance at my verbal offspring never diminished. Howls of delight could be heard up and down the halls of academia. A couple of times a nearby teacher would stick her nose in the open door to see what the ruckus was about, only to see 50 students gesticulating and guffawing, repeating my "Koy" to prolong the entertainment.

And only two silent human beings in their midst. Only two red faces. Mine and Miss Koy's.

After three months (I know, too patient), I’d had enough. One day, while having lunch in a crowded noodle shop with one of my Thai teacher friends, I loudly inquired, “So why do my students always laugh at "KOY" during roll call?” I thought I was going to have to perform the Heimlich maneuver on him as he gagged on his mouthful of noodles. Wiping half-chewed noodles off his shirt, and hastily looking around with a red face, he hissed the explanation to the farang in a tone that said, "Don't ever say that again in public!" Oh.

Well, because my tone was a little off, my “K” wasn’t soft enough, and my dipthong didn’t come through quite right (it should have sounded more like “Gawy”), I was daily calling the sweet female student a part of the male anatomy—the genitalia family, to be more specific--and to make it worse, it was the slang rendition. OK, so I had an x-rated roll call everyday. What’s a poor farang teacher to do?

Go to lunch with a Thai confidant early-on, and keep your voice down.

If your name is John or Jane Doe, count your blessings. If your nickname is a meaningless "JJ", double blessings on you. And to prove it, wrap your tongue around these twisters...

Miss Kittiya Buahom
Miss Yanan Woraphaibun
Miss Tanyarat Nasui
Miss Teeraporn Kaewpiw-Ard
Miss Nipaporn Noichan
Miss Nutsara Jaijumnong
Miss Sophita Sokaokha
Mr. Suradetch Amornsitticharoen
Miss Khanungnit Ariyatugun
Miss Pratana Somnongbua
Miss Phiraya Sinphromma
Miss Phiangphit Rungrotchawalit
Miss Rompruek Hanwongsar
Miss Wilaiwan Junpratak
Miss Sayamon Unboonruang
Miss Suwincha Thoranong
Miss Kritsana Nakhowong
Miss Thanyalak Somprasopsuk
Miss Patcharamas Singhol
Miss Monthakan Saenpradit
Miss Sirilak Chansaengsri

That's a typical class list (and multiply this times seven or eight classes...). Notice the only male in the class wins, hands-down, with a nine-syllable first and last name combination. Well, nearly three years later, I now use their more formal first names to bring a bit of decorum back to the class atmosphere, and even once in a while take a stab at a last name, thanks to those phonetics lessons way back in the Dark Ages.

~ God bless my first grade phonetics teacher, Mrs. Peterson ~

From Your
"Forever-Grateful JD"

P.S. Did I tell you I was going down to Phayakhapoomphisai Village to visit a friend this weekend? You're thinking the same thing? Yep, you can drive through it faster than you can say its name.

Respected, Resilient Royalty

2005-09-06T21:04:00.000+07:00

The longest reigning monarch on earth, Rama IX, or King Bhumiphon Adulyadej, has headed the Thai monarchy since 1946. The Thai love him to the point that any of them would willingly put you in jail for any derogatory comments!

“... the King embarked early in his reign on a journey (to know his subjects and, in the process, allowed his subjects to get close to and know him. At the same time, he used his time wisely to accumulate "constitutional" experience. He has been through 15 constitutions, 17 coups d'etat, and over 20 prime ministers. He has an acute grasp of constitutional rule. He remains detached from politics, playing a non-partisan role in the country's political process and development.

”...Without His Majesty's guiding hand, we would not be where we are today - a nation which has consistently demonstrated its inner strength, political resilience, social harmony and economic dynamism - a trait which has enabled the Thais to survive many a threat and misfortune in their long history..”

From The Nation Newspaper

A downtown Bangkok billboard at a busy intersection.

Seasons for All Things

2005-08-23T10:45:00.000+07:00

In Isan the joke is, "Our seasons are simple: we have hot, hotter, and hottest."

But actually, we do have three very distinct seasons mixed in with the heat. [Following references to temperature are in Fahrenheit.]

NOVEMBER, DECEMBER, JANUARY

"WINTER"

Lower humidity (60-70%), 80 degrees in the afternoon, but gets down to a frigid 60-70 degrees at night. Believe it or not, it feels VERY cold at those temperatures. People walk around in big winter coats, neck scarves, knitted caps, and ear muffs! At first it was funny. I sported my short-sleeved shirts the first year while my students looked like Santa's elves bundled up against the cold of the North Pole.

Well, 2-1/2 years later, I now wear my old ski coats I dragged along with me from Washington State.

These "cold" temperatures are unique to Isan, as nothing blocks the cold winds that sweep down from China. Bangkok, central, and south Thailand remain pretty warm (80's-90's day and night). The staple of life, rice, ripens in November-December and is harvested at that time.

FEBRUARY

Transition to Next Season

MARCH, APRIL, MAY

SUMMER

(Yep, right. No spring)

Extremely hot (105-110) and humid (90% and higher), no rain. Despite the humidity, the land still dries out. Everything dry as a bone, and everything dies but the trees. Villages run out of water, and children scrounge for little crabs, frogs, lizards and eels to eat at the bottom of dry cracks in the hard soil. It's a very harsh time when nature seems bent on crushing all the life out of the land and its inhabitants.

This extreme heat is also unique to Isan. I lived a couple summers in Red Bluff, California (where it hit a record 124-degrees my second summer), so I was psychologically prepared for it. But not the humidity!

JUNE

Transition to Next Season

JULY, AUGUST, SEPTEMBER

RAINY SEASON

Monsoons

Temperatures moderate to 80-'s and 90's. Everything very suddenly turns verdant green, the rice fields look like golf courses (tall grass!), and the water buffalos smile. Many tree fruits ripen at this time. This is the main rice-growing season, and the harvest comes next season.

All of Asia (from India to China and Japan) experiences these monsoons. Japan gets the added "perk" of typhoons at this time.

OCTOBER

Transition to Next Season

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It's a very different seasonal cycle from that which I was used to in any place I've lived in the USA (Washington, California, Michigan). What's fun to observe is how everything seems to be more closely tied to the seasons and the land, here. Almost every holiday is seasonally-related, or agriculturally-related; usually dealing with praying for future rain, thanking nature for current rain, or the activity of harvest time.

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SIDEBAR: Another interesting sidelight is that, this close to the equator, the days and nights are equal (12 hours each) year around. The sun consistently sets at 6 and rises at 6. It affects my sleeping habits. I sleep about 2 hours more a night here than I did in the USA. And, unlike being close to big population centers (as in the Seattle area), it gets DARK when the sun sets on moonless nights. When the electricity goes out (as it frequently does), you can't see your hand in front of your face. It's weird. One little birthday-cake candle throws an amazing amount of light in that situation!

It gives new visual images to the child’s song “This Little Light of Mine.”

To Taste Thailand

2005-08-05T20:42:00.001+07:00

News Item: August 4, 2005

A new Pizza Hut promotion in Thailand--a pizza with four sections. One of the sections is covered with strawberries. (In picture, upper left quadrant).

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Strawberry pizza? Hardly a surprise in Thailand. Cases in point:

A favorite way to sell vanilla ice cream is two scoops stuffed into a hotdog bun--with corn kernels sprinkled on top. In fact, corn shows up in a multitude of culinary delights: Warm corn drink (like drinking creamed corn, only much more watery), mixed corn and ice swimming in condensed milk for dessert, corn on bakery pastries, etc.

Half the pastry in bakeries is stuffed with shredded, sweetened pork. It feels like shredded coconut in your mouth, but definitely tastes like pork!

All the 4 and 5-star hotels in Thailand advertise "American Breakfast!" What does it include? A steamed frankfurter, a shredded cabbage salad, and sliced tomatoes with cucumbers. Never saw that at the local USA diner, mixed among my pancakes!

A "hamburger" at the local Seven-Eleven actually consists of a piece of chicken stuffed in a small hamburger bun, with familiar condiments.

Nearly all the favorite "crunchy" snacks found at the convenience store come in the following flavors: squid, fish, and shrimp. All smell very foul when you open the package--something like a fishing boat that needs a good mucking out.

And the favorite food of Northeast Thailand? Shredded pappaya salad, drenched in fermented fish paste. More of the fishing boat aura.

Then there's the favorite fruit, durian. The taste is palatable, but keep your nose plugged. It smells like a well-used cat litter box. I liked it until one of my friends made the cat box comparison.

And of course, most cooked animals come with their heads and feet on the platter as well, particularly fowl. I side with one of my skitterish US friends: "I try not to eat anything that's smiling at me."

The folk wisdom in Isan affirms: "If it moves, eat it." Favorites on the farm menu are frogs, eels, scorpians, lizards (large and small), and nearly every insect that flies, crawls and burrows. Roasted silk worms are a real hit: chomping through a crispy, roasted exterior, one is surprised at the creamy, almost custard-like interior. Very nourishing. Very filling. In fact, so filling that at my first try, it only took one to send me to the restroom to reduce the load on my stomach and psyche. Now I can eat two or three at a sitting without unexpected bodily reaction.

Acquired tastes? Yes, some things do grow on you. After a couple years, I've come to really develop a penchant for:

1. Yogurt milks
2. Hot, hot chili peppers
3. Lemon grass
4. Roasted garlic cloves
5. All soybean and rice drinks
6. The exotic fruits of rambutaan, mangosteen, dragon's eyes, and a couple other fruits without English names and that defy description as well.
7. Yup, and corn on my ice cream.

If it moves, eat it.

Ghosts

2005-08-03T21:49:00.000+07:00

Nearly every Thai is a firm believer in ghosts. After living here two-and-a-half years, I've heard a hundred ghost stories. These are not the tongue-in-cheek-let's-spin-a-good-yarn-by-the-campfire sort of ghost story. These are hushed first-hand accounts from firm believers whose story ends with some sort of misfortune caused by an evil spirit. Ancient spiritism and animism is alive and well in Thailand--even on a modern 21st century university campus graced with a radio station, computer labs, a modern engineering building, and all the other trappings of modernity.

One of my students had a near-fatal motorcycle accident two years ago late at night. He had just driven by a dark temple compound, which is sometimes feared like graveyards are in the west. Temples are where bodies are burned and ashes are buried into crypts in the compound walls; so spirits are thought to linger about the area. My student friend tells me that just after he passed the temple compound, someone glancing his way saw a lady dressed in white sitting behind him on the motobike. The apparition matched the description of a "Pob" ghost--a strikingly beautiful lady who glides about in a mysterious long white dress. However, she is only a "head." Inside the dress are only bare internal organs, not enclosed by a body. She's considered to be a very dangerous and malevolent spirit. Hence, the explanation for his accident. (By the way, at 80 miles per hour, and drunk, he hit a dead dog lying in the road, which sent him out of control. Another possible explanation for the accident.)

A few months ago, one of our younger professors who just won a Fullbright Scholarship to study in the USA for three years, came into my office late at night, as he was preparing to leave.

"Staying late tonight?" he asked with obvious consternation.

"Of course, probably until about 11pm or midnight. Why?"

"Aren't you afraid to stay by yourself?"

"Not really. Should I be?" I thought maybe he knew of some prowling murderer loose on campus.

"What about ghosts?"

I was taken aback. I didn't really expect that comment from someone who had just gotten his master's degree from one of Bangkok's more progressive universities. But my teacher-friend was Isan to the core, which included a solid belief in malevalent spirits--which especially like to plague people who remain alone in big empty buildings.

His wide eyes and sincere concern actually rattled me just a bit.

So that same night, after shutting out all the lights, and powering down the noisy air conditioners, things seemed unnervingly quiet. Then, wandering through a cavernous dark room to the distant door on the far wall, I was just a little more alert to strange sounds and fleeting shadows. What is that white thing in the far corner? A lady in white? No, just the faculty refrigerator in the pantry area.

Never afraid of ghosts in my life, and now I start this in my mid-50's? Get a grip!

Almost every night you can count on the TV to dramatize one or two ghost stories in a thriller. Although it scares them, the Thai cannot help watching these, the way morbid onlookers are drawn to the scene of an accident. Every Thai child is told the story of Nang Nak (you can read a brief description of it at www.thailandlife.com/nangnak01.html )

The Thai have many categories and types of ghosts and every Thai person knows all the "species" by name. Thus, I share with you a great article which spells it out in ghoulish detail. I'm gradually learning these names, because it's so much a part of daily conversation!

Picture from a book on Thai ghost stories.

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A Guide To Thailand's Ghosts and Spirits

The Thai spirit world is populated by a plethora of ghosts, ghouls and demons - some good, some harmful, and some openly dangerous. Among the most interesting are:

Phi Peta - A hungry ghost. Everyone who is preoccupied with material attachments to the exclusion of the spiritual will be reborn as a Peta, having a giant belly and an mouth as small as the eye of a needle. Peta may sometimes be heard whistling at night, looking for people to make merit for them. This ghost is relatively harmless.

Phi Am - A ghost which sits on the chest or liver of sleepers, causing discomfort. It can be harmful.

Phi Chamob - A ghost which haunts the place where a woman has died in the jungle. This spirit does not do any harm.

Phi Ha - The spirit of a woman who has died in childbirth. This ghost is considered to be very violent.

Phi Krahang - This ghost appears as a man with feathers and a tail like a bird. It eats filth and glows at night. An unpleasant and frightening spirit.

Phi Krasy - This ghost lives inside a witch and leaves her body during sleep by way of the mouth. The Krasy is the colour of fire, has a head the size of an electric light bulb and a half-metre long bluish tail. A Krasy ghost likes dirt and does not generally harm human beings, although when it consumes entrails (hardly surprisingly) it can cause death. Krasy witches have a sleepy appearance during the day. Their eyes don't blink and they can never look anybody in the face. Also, they don't cast any reflection in the mirror. Before Krasy witches can die, they have to find somebody who will inherit the Krasy by consuming some of the old witch's spittle.

Phi Lok - A ghost which haunts various localities. It frightens and misleads people, and can be seen as well as felt.

Phi Phrai - The spirit of a woman who has died in childbirth and whose body has been used to make phi thai hong lotion. A sorcerer must hold a candle under the corpse's chin, and from the resultant melted oil essences are manufactured which drive men mad and attract women.

Phi Tai Ha - The spirit of a woman who has died of malaria. The ghost will also spread this disease.

Phi Thuk Khun - The substance of a living person which has to be sent out on astral journeys every week, or harm will come to its owner,

Phi Khamod - A spirit in the shape of a red star which, like a Will o' the Wisp, misleads wanderers.

Phi Nang Tani - A female tree spirit which is essentially beneficent and may fill the alms bowls of itinerant monks.

Phi Pa - A forest spirit. Hunters may leave a piece of the foot, lip, tongue or eyelid of a killed animal to show respect to this spirit.

Phi Poang Khang - A spirit in the shape of a black monkey which likes to suck the big toe of people sleeping in the jungle. It is said to live near salt licks.

Phi Ka - These spirits are inherited through women and can be contagious. The Ka, if not properly treated (with raw eggs) will attack and possibly possess people without the owner's knowledge. Perhaps understandably, ordinary people are said to be reluctant to marry into Ka clans!

Phi Hai - Hungry, amoral spirits associated with places where people have died an unnatural or violent death. Phi Hai are easily offended, and take every opportunity to possess people. Normally, they can be induced to leave their victim if suitable offerings are made, but on occasions an exorcist has to drive them out. In such cases, when incantations and lustral water prove insufficient, a whip may need to be employed.

Phi Pob - A malicious and very dangerous spirit which manifests itself as a beautiful woman. Phi Pob float through the air because they have no legs or lower body. They generally appear as a length of internal organs and intestines suspended from a strikingly lovely face - therefore, beware beautiful women gliding mysteriously by in long dresses! This type of ghost is probably more feared than any other species in Thailand.

Clearly, there can be no doubt that belief in ghosts and spirits remains widespread throughout Thailand....Chinese "bouncing" ghosts have long been a staple of Thai television and children's fantasy. Muslim ghosts have appeared which can be driven off by flourishing a piece of pork (preferably a pig's head) at them, and even vampires have made the long journey from Transylvania to Thailand. In this age of mass communication and international tourism, ghosts too - or so it would seem - have become world travellers!

Text of above article, copyright © Andrew Forbes / CPA 2003. Found at www.cpamedia.com.

Not Surviving, But Thriving

2005-07-16T22:43:00.000+07:00

To the Editor, The Seattle Times, 16 July :

Taking responsibility

Wow! It looks like Thursday's edition of The Times should have been called "The health-care edition." I read everything, the front-page article on the health-care-cost study and all three columns on the editorial pages. What I found to be conspicuously absent is Americans' abject failure to take responsibility for their own health. I'm certainly no expert in the field, but living in Europe and traveling extensively have given me the opportunity to compare how we live to those in other nations.

I can only conclude that our poor diets and sedentary, TV-watching, car-based, drive-through lifestyles have a far larger impact on our national health than anyone is willing to admit. Combine that with the American penchant to seek the easy way out with cure-all drugs while scapegoating segments of the population like smokers (more Europeans than Americans smoke, yet their overall health is much better).

While I can't argue that it's not vitally important to continue working on finding the best and most effective diagnostic and treatment methods to help those in need, I can't help but wonder how many people could avoid...hypertension meds entirely by simply putting the Big Mac down, shutting off the TV for an hour and going for a walk every day. A healthful lifestyle is more difficult and time-consuming than popping a pill, but we'll all have less to complain about and less to pay for by addressing the root of the problem rather than just treating the symptoms.

— Sean Conner, Seattle

My Two Cents

As I read the above article in today's on-line edition of the Times, a slow smile spread across my face when I realized I have somehow been hoodwinked into a healthier lifestyle just by moving to Thailand.

The first indication was the 15 pounds that magically melted away within the first three months of arriving. There are several likely reasons for this, which really don't take a rocket scientist to deduce...

For example, most of the time the elevators don't work in our eight-story building. When they do, they are unbearably stuffy with 15 bodies crammed against each other for the two to three minute snail's pace ride in non-airconditioned discomfort. So, two to three times a day I huff and puff my way up six and seven flights of stairs to my classes on the sixth and seventh floors (with 40 pounds of computer equipment, LCD projector, textbooks, and papers). I carry a loaded book bag on my back, and a heavy shoulder bag of electronics. What really puts the smile on my face, is passing up most of the students on the stairs. As I brush past them I hear "OY!"--an exclamation that means many things. In this case, probably, "There goes that mad foreigner again!" Enjoy it while I can. At 70 if I don't mention this experience, don't ask.

I walk at least a mile a day just to get around the campus. Everytime I catch a bus to the nearest large city, it's a one mile trek to the nearest bus stop. Inconvenient? You just build it into your schedule, and take something to shield yourself from the sun (hat, newspaper, umbrella, etc.). Add to this my daily one-hour workout at the university's well-equipped fitness center, and I do believe I'll live on for another week or so.

Due to the weather, and my physical activity, I sweat three or four litres (about a gallon) every single day. It's not unusual to have my clothes soaked completely, as if I had been caught in a rainstorm. Last Tuesday, I had four showers, and four changes of clothes. It is said that sweat is one of the best ways to rid the body of toxins. Well, my toxins must be heavy commuters--in and out in a flash! To compensate, I have to take in at least a gallon of water a day as well. Fortunately, bottled water is pure and cheap at about 24-cents a gallon.

Olfactory side note: Fortunately, the different type of deodorants available here are effective. In disgust, I finally had to throw away the four or five Mennen Deodorant sticks I brought from the USA--they just couldn't cut it. So, here, if you use Thai-brand deodorants, you can sweat profusely but not stink. The Thai are very fastidious about personal cleanliness as well. It's very rare you catch the whiff of anyone's body odor, despite a tropical climate, crowded elevators, and standing-room-only public buses. Furthermore, a Thai bathes at least two and sometimes three times a day.

Try as I may, I can hardly find mega-fattening, inexpensive stuff to eat. If I do, it's outrageously expensive. Snicker's candy bars are the same price as a full meal in a restaurant; about 40-50 cents. The REAL downside: they're about half the size of USA Snicker's bars, with half the sugar. Bummer. The ice cream is scrumptious, but one cone is also the price of a full meal--definitely a pricey luxury.

Probably the strongest indicator of better health is that my stress level is noticably WAY down from several years ago. Ringing ears is a thing of the past. I haven't had a stress-related headache or backache in over a year (I had them at least a couple times a month back in the USA). I believe the biggest reason is the "mai pen rai" society--"chill out", "take it easy", "don't let anything fluster you"--mentality. Another reason is the really very warm and sweet people I deal with every day. The Thai are truly gentle folk. Raising one's voice is a real no-no in this society. If you do, your level of respect drops about 50% or more. Any problem or crisis seems almost immediately diffused by a gentle Thai response. Even sticky or emotional negotations are carried out with a smile and soft voice.

In April, while vacationing in Chiang Mai, I witnessed a motorcycle collision between two teen drivers who were carrying teen passengers as well. One party was very definitely in the wrong. From a small side road, they pulled right into the path of the other motorcycle going down a main highway. A terrific impact with flying debris, and both parties spilled to the hard pavement. Both endured significant damage to the cycles, and the teens were mostly bruised and skinned up. I anticipated watching my first street fight in Thailand. On the contrary, not one word was said. Both parties, with a big smile (mostly from embarassment) picked up themselves and their damaged cycles, and walked off, pushing their mangled steeds in their respective directions. That was it. No, "What in the world were you trying to do???!!" or "Are you blind?" or "Call the police!" or "You're gonna pay for this!." Just a sheepish smile and a quiet parting. Amazing Thailand.

Undoubtedly, another reason for having such a low stress level in a foreign culture, is a sense of "belonging." I feel very highly valued by my friends, with most of them like family. I can walk into the homes or apartments of any these folks and feel at home. Even the American family I socialize with (the Baptist missionaries from Tennessee) smoothly fit right into the culture here, and they're so relaxing to be around. In addition, the students go out of their way to show the highest respect and honor to teachers, imparting that "valued" feel. They carry your books, bring your lunch, and I've even seen them washing teachers' cars and motorcycles.

Even total strangers are gregarious and welcoming. Today, I planted a little tree in the front of my duplex. A middle aged man I had never seen before (visiting my neighbor) walked over and got down on his hands and knees with me, assisting with the operation. With newly dirty pants and mud under the finger nails, he left with a big smile on his face. The tree was a gift from another neighbor down the road I only met today. I tried to pay her for it, but she would have none of it. All this kindness, from complete strangers--a soothing balm to an expat soul.

Granted, the Thai are not perfect, and certainly there are negative aspects of their culture as with any other culture. However, they've got the stress thing licked. The only Thai I know who are stressed out are those who've been educated in the west and try to bring the high-stress, high-power, high-roller lifestyle back to Thailand. They go nearly mad because they can't get everyone else into their own overdrive gear. They end up becoming abusive or leaving Thailand for good to start a Thai restaurant somewhere. It's hard to go it alone, when no one else senses the "urgency" that you do.

Despite the more dangerous traffic (rules are for breaking), the increased possibility of infection (communal-style eating and drinking), and the not-quite-UL-approved infrastructure (no electrical grounding in homes and schools, manhole covers that flip up when stepped on, etc.), I believe I've added at least a decade to my life. According to many health experts, stress is the biggest killer of middle-aged and older westerners, resulting in heart problems, digestive disorders, hypertension, stroke, and a myriad of other ailments.

At least if I disappear into a Thai manhole someday, it shouldn't raise my blood pressure. Too much.

And the adventure goes on . . .
JD in Thailand

Let Sleeping Serpents Lie

2005-06-30T19:09:00.000+07:00

An old joke describes a New Yorker proudly presenting the awesome, roaring Niagara Falls to a visiting Texan. The Texan, starting with a chuckle, soon was into a full-bellied guffaw.

"What's so funny?" demanded the indignant New Yorker.

"Well looky here!" drawled the Southerner, "We got a plumber down in Texas that'd fix this leak in five minutes!"

So goes a number of "Texan" jokes that poke fun at the stereotypical Texan who thinks everything is bigger or better in the Lone Star State.

When it comes to the flora and fauna of Thailand, I'm beginning to feel like the Texan. The lush, prolific, and gigantic representations of the animal and plant kingdoms here continue to leave me awestruck. Some of our flowering trees look like 100-ft bouquets straight from the florist. Some of these wild orchids would be just too big to pin to your mom's Sunday morning outfit for Mother's Day. The dragon flies should be honored as a special division of the Royal Thai Airforce. And, you really haven't jumped high until you've felt a one-inch-long red ant scurrying across your bare foot. Among the flowers, green leafy plants, insects, and reptiles which all come Super-Sized, there's the bigger-than-normal-life aquatic creatures.

When I first visited the Mekhong River, bordering Thailand and Laos, I chuckled at what I assumed was a doctored picture of a "sea serpent" caught in the river by US Marines several decades ago during the Vietnam War. The picture hangs on many a souvenir shop wall at open air markets along the Mekhong.

However, in the last couple years I've been coming across more stories and news reports about truly mammoth creatures that inhabit these waters. Last week, Time-Asia magazine had a startling picture of a captured alligator which dwarfed a pickup truck over which it was draped, bound and snout-taped. The 30-ft (10-meter) 'gator looked like something out of a horror flick. Prior to its capture, it had eaten 27 hapless human beings over the years! Then there's the Mekhong catfish. Now there's nothing uglier than a wide-mouthed, beady-eyed, whiskered catfish, no matter where he hails from. But there's something REALLY ugly about one that is big enough to eat you. Hence, today's story from on-line Associated Press . . .

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Thursday June 30, 7:18 PM (AP)

Thai fishermen catch world's largest freshwater fish

Thai fishermen caught a 293-kilogram (646-pound) catfish believed to have been the world's largest freshwater fish ever recorded, a researcher said Thursday.

The 2.7 meter- (8.9 feet) Mekong giant catfish was netted May 1 by villagers in Chiang Khong, a remote district in northern Thailand, and weighed by Thai fisheries department officials, said Zeb Hogan, who leads an international project to locate and study the world's largest freshwater fish species.

He confirmed it was the heaviest recorded fish since Thailand started keeping records in 1981.

"This is the largest individual fish of the species that's listed as the biggest in the Guinness Book of World Records," he told The Associated Press by telephone.

The fishermen had hoped to sell the fish to environmental groups, which planned to release it to spawn upriver, but it died before it could be handed over, and was later chopped up and sold in pieces to villagers to be eaten.

*****************

The surrounding exotic wildlife plays with my imagination, as well.

The grass on the little plot of land next to my duplex is reaching for the sky due to two factors: rainy season and my disinclination to break into a sweat trying to remove it. It took only a month to go from shoe-height to chest-deep. As I glanced out at the patch through my kitchen window last week, I caught an ominous sight. It was just on the edge of the grass jungle. Near the top of a tall tuft of grass I saw an unmistakable serpent's mouth slowly opening and closing--like he was sort of yawning. It was a big, ugly, dark mouth. I thought I could see flashes of red which must have been that evil darting forked tongue. Horrified, I tried to determine if it had a hood behind its head. I was remembering that Isan has the world's largest concentration of hooded King Cobras. Hypnotically, the yawning mouth pivoted back and forth, slowly opening and closing. It was almost like he was trying to taste the air, to see which direction live prey might be. I shuddered, despite watching behind my iron-barred, mosquito-screened window.

Then, before my disbelieving eyes, the dreaded mouth and head made a full 360-degree pivot (a la "The Exorcist"). Incongruously, it then disconnected from the neck, and gently fluttered away on the tropical breeze wafting through my weed-patch. It was only when the "serpent mouth" was in full flight did I realize I had been watching a rather large black and red butterfly sunning itself on my weeds. While stationary, the slow flexing of its wings had me convinced I was watching a loathesome snake-head on the lookout. Oh my, time to see a shrink.

With the recent reports from the Mekhong, now I've got something else to worry about. Over the last two years I've had occasion to go down to the water's edge at this mighty river, a couple of times dipping my fingers or toes into the warm muddy current. Now, my news and picture-poisoned imagination makes me think twice before doing so. That second thought advises, "Why not just let those behemoths live in peace, undisturbed?"

Or, like those Thai villagers, I will opt to meet my catfish in a skillet. Thank you.

Staying Out of Black Holes

2005-05-01T15:14:00.000+07:00

Er, may I pass?

All in a day's motorcycle ride . . .

Although elephant sightings downtown are commonplace here, I'll never forget the first time--that weird feeling--of coming upon an elephant in darkness on the outskirts of town while riding my motorbike.

Southeast Asian towns are quite dimly lit, so there's not enough general light to illuminate BIG things like elephants, trucks without headlights, a bulldozer parked overnight, a stack of hay that fell off a cart, etc. (all common highway hazards here). Further, your little motorbike headlights typically illuminate only about 30 feet in front of you, so you do come upon things quite quickly in the darkness here.

So what do you see when you come upon an elelphant at night? It won't be a gigantic semi-illuminated body in the road. All you'll see will be a black hole. You begin to gradually notice that the dim lights of town ahead have a strange, big, mysterious black hole. It just doesn't compute. As you get closer, the hole gets bigger--and sometimes starts moving. It's enough to make you question your sanity. Only when you nearly are under its legs do you realize you've come upon an elephant taking up half the roadway.

Further, elephants have a pesky tendency to panic and rampage all over anyone or anything that startles them. A normal-sized adult elephant can pretty much stomp the livin' daylights out of a Toyota pickup, not to mention my little Honda motorbike. I've been lucky enough to make last-ditch maneuvers to avoid those close encounters of the large kind. Others haven't been as fortunate as I. Their epitaphs read something like "Overcome by a Black Hole", or "Left This Life as a Pancake." Not my vision of how I want to check out...

Fortunately, the highway division of Thailand has thought of everything. I recently came upon an official notice in the newspaper for drivers, and thanks to the translation help from a friend, I share it with you. So just in case you are suddenly confronted with an elephant on I-405, here's some motorist tips which will certainly come in handy:

***************************************************

Try to avoid the freeway which borders the nearby national park between 7pm and daylight, especially where there are elephant warning signs.
Elephants can effectively block the road in a number of ways--standing in the middle, walking along the road or feeding on roadside vegetation. In all of these cases, cars should not try to pass them.
If you see an elephant blocking the road, stop your vehicle, then...
- First check that there are no other elephants to the side of you or behind you. If there are, stay still. Usually the elephants will be moving together. Let the elephants next to you, or behind, walk past you and join their friends.
- Do not turn off your engine or your lights at night. If you do, you cannot see where the elephants are and turning your engine back on again may scare the elephants causing them to panic and maybe attack the vehicle.
- Keep your distance from the elephants, at least 20 meters (60 feet).
- If there are vehicles in front of you, closer to the elephants, give them space to maneuver. If the elephants move towards them, they may need to reverse in a hurry. If the vehicles are too close an accident may occur!
- If the elephants walk towards you, slowly reverse and keep your distance, until the elephants leave the road. When they do, you can drive on.
- If the elephants walk away from you, perhaps going out of sight round a corner, follow them slowly. Again keep your distance until they leave the road and you can pass by.

Last but not the least, all motorists should check with traffic police once in a while to see whether elephants have been seen recently.

*************************************

There you go. Don't say you weren't warned.

An Afternoon in Washington State

2005-04-23T18:02:00.000+07:00

With moss-covered evergreen trees, sword ferns, and alpine lichens, I felt suddenly magically transported to Olympic National Park's rain forest in Washington State, USA. The cool 65-70 degree temperatures (yes, farenheit) added to the illusion. I had just summitted Thailand's highest peak, Doi Inthanon on April 14, 2005.

OK, "summitted" and "peak" are stretching it a little. A paved road to the top made it convenient for our little songtheaw (red pickup truck with bench seating in the back) to huff and puff it's way to the top of the 8,415-foot mountain. We stopped a couple times for the little overheated engine to cool off. Thai pick-ups are just out of their realm in these airy mountain regions. Then there's the "peak"--actually a heavily forested rounded mountain top, crowned by a white buddhist shrine. Not my normal Cascade Mountain peak-scaling experience.

A group of young monks cool off at one of the
mountain's many scenic falls.

However, beautiful waterfalls, Hmong hilltribe villages and formal gardens mid-mountain (courtesy of the Royal Thai Airforce) added to the unique trip, about two-days' bus ride from my home in Mahasarakham. This was the environs of Chiang Mai, near the Burmese border in north Thailand. The formal gardens were full of flowers and plants one would find in grandma's garden in Washington or Oregon: snap dragons, pansies, fox glove, lilacs, juniper bushes, and other very USA Pacific Northwest flora.

Since this was the highest point in Thailand, I merely went for one of those "been-there, done-that" experiences with somewhat low expectations. After all, I had actually climbed peaks nearly twice that height back in the USA. Surprised, I came away with a little nostalgic touch of my beloved Washington Cascade Mountains and grandma's garden in The Dalles, Oregon. While most of the Thai in my group shivered uncontrollably, I for a moment, felt like a Seattle robin, just briefly released from a tropical sauna cage into my native refreshing mountain habitat.

*******************

[For more information about the mountain, please visit my contribution to Summitpost.org by clicking here.]

A Blanket to Reckon With

2004-12-30T19:22:00.000+07:00

I came home to a muffled cry coming from S's room. S is a university student who rents an extra room in my apartment, and is normally no trouble at all. His cry sounded like a distressed voice trying to talk through a mattress. I opened the door, and indeed it was as it sounded. He was laying face-down on his bed, apparently unable to move his head. Coupled with his useless effort to talk, it looked very unnatural.

"What is it?" I asked, alarmed. All I could make out was a muffled phrase of distress. So I tried my question in Thai: "Arai Na?!" Same unintelligible response.

I stooped down close to his head, and decided to pull it up from the bed--apparently something he seemed unable to do by himself. To my surprise, the whole bedspread came up with his head. Did he try to swallow the bedspread? A strange suicide attempt? Did his face get smeared with super-glue, then he fell asleep on the bed?

His face turned from distress to impatient irritation. "Get this brlllllghghghkt off my brdhglsdfcs!"

"What?" I yelled in his ear.

"Get this brlllgghghhkt off my braydghffflces!!!".

I started pulling on the blanket, but in pain he stumbled after it, with his face firmly attached to the bedspread. OK be gentle. The guy is in obvious pain and distress.

I finally wedged a couple fingers between his face and the blanket, enough to look in more closely. Yes, the blanket was somehow attached at his mouth. A slight twist, and the light revealed the source of the blanket's imprisonment: S's new braces. Something the dentist never warned him about ("stay clear of chewing gum, corn on the cob, and those clinging blankets!").

I thought we'd never untwine some of the loose threads of the blanket from his braces. Many minutes of untwining, punctuated with muffled "Oy!'s" made slow progress of separating the prey from captor (and which was which?).

When we finally freed up his sore and tired mouth, the story spilled out. While laying on his tummy on the bed, he had momentarily put his face down to the blanket and yawned. That's all it took. Baited and hooked. That's about the time I came home.

Then the funny side of it hit. We both laughed until the tears came. We imagined what it'd be like taking him to the dentist with a full bedspread attached to his face. First there'd be the nighttime 9-kilometer motorcycle trip with the blanket wildly flying around his head in the wind. It'd look like a ghost or banshee flying down the highway, and the Thai are terrified of both. Then the long wait in the waiting room and the quizzical stares from the 50 other waiting patients. What's this? The grown-up Thai version of Linus with his blanky? Then tucking him into the dentist's chair, blanket and all. I'm sure it would have made dental history, for at least that office.

The offending blanket,
in its more benign days.

I told him that if he insisted on catching blankets with his braces, he'd have to eventually get some kind of hunting or fishing license--and that he'd have to gut it and clean it all by himself. No more help from me!

2004 is almost gone. But among many more important and profound events of the year, we'll always smile about "The Day of the Blanket Attack". In light of the things that others are going through, may all our new problems be so small and solvable in 2005. Yours, too.

Happy New Year

A Memorable Very Cool Christmas

2004-12-25T13:22:00.001+07:00

CHRISTMAS DAY 2004

I expected a rather bland Christmas Day as I've been nursing a severe cold for just over a week. I looked at it as one more blessed day alternately in and out of bed to get my strength back. However, when I opened my eyes this morning, the 8-day-old raw ache in the throat was gone. "Nice way to start Christmas," crossed my mind.

However, my warm pillow thoughts were rudely interrupted by a loud yell outside the front door: "Whee-pooh! Whee-pooh!". For some reason, Thai-Isan visitors never knock on the door, they just stand outside it and yell their lungs out. And what in the world is "Whee-pooh?" I figured, "Oh no, another utility collection. Don't they know it's Christmas?" Here in Isan, you don't get a utility bill. For water, electricity, and telephone services, someone just rides up to your door on a motorcycle, yells until you open the door, and puts their hand out. No itemization, no receipt, just an empty hand and a smile. Cash only, please. The person is never the same individual. For all I know, some farmer could pull a scam and collect water charges from everyone else in the neighboring village. It hasn't happened yet, but my suspicious Western mentality waits for the day.

I'm sure I was a sight: unshaven, tousled hair, boxer shorts. The Thais are always shocked any time when a "farang" (white guy) opens the door, but a disheveled farang really gives them their money's worth. Two service-uniformed men in red stood outside my door, like a couple of Santa's helpers, smiled, and in unison beamed "Whee-pooh!"

I stammered in Thai, "I'm sorry, I don't understand."

"Whee-pooh! Whee-pooh!" they repeated, thinking that the repetition would somehow break through my dense demeanor. One of the guys pointed down my hall and made a shape with his hands like a tall box. No, I don't have a cash safe you can steal. Besides it's Christmas, the giving season. He jabbed his finger again toward the hall. "Whee-pooh!" The fridge could be dimly seen in the kitchen at the hall's end.

Oh, they want to see my refrigerator? That useless hunk of junk taking up space in my crowded kitchen? I bought it new the first month I came to Thailand, and it hadn't worked since the third month of use. I thought I'd stick with a tried-and-true American brand, but alas, in Thailand, the customer is not king--even if the king has an American appliance. Yeah, your warranty says "5 years", but it doesn't say how long they'll take to fix it after it breaks. They did make 6 trips over 15 months and no one could fix it. After two such visits, it ran for 10 minutes after the technicians left, and then stopped dead. I then had to make one of those "Guess what happened?" visits to the store. At times, the manager would just look at my feet, sadly shaking his head. No words. Just big, sad eyes. I know he thinks I sabotaged the thing after his boys left.

At one point, they replaced my blue door with a black one. Now I have a two-tone blue/black refrigerator. My fridge looks like an old car with a mis-matched front fender from the junk yard. Don't ask me what a new door has to do with getting the thing running, but it made someone feel good.

For over a year, I made countless trips to the appliance store, ineffectually venting my frustrations in baby-talk Thai, until both they and I got sick of seeing each other. "Why don't you just replace the WHOLE THING with a new one?" I begged. Response? Stares like I had just stepped off an alien spaceship. I gave up about 6 months ago. I'm sure they were delighted to be rid of my "Me fridge no worky!" routine.

Enter, Christmas Day...

Finally giving up on my comprehension of "Whee-pooh", the men in red brushed past me down the hall to my fridge. When I flipped on the kitchen light, I had my own little private Christmas epiphany. Of course. "Whee-pooh" was the Thai's desecration of "Whirlpool." Duh.

Over the next hour and a half, they took the motor in and out at least four times. Of course, the door also came on and off a few times (what is it with the DOOR???). A lot of hmm-ing and haww-ing (in Thai, they say "Oy!" loosely translated, "Which end is up?"). I watched with a slight smirk--what do these Santa's elves know that the previous six pairs of technicians didn't attempt? Suddenly, one of them stood up resolutely while the other packed their tools away. He proudly pointed at the contraption: "Whee-pooh dai!" ("Whirlpool works!")

Oh yeah? This jingle bell didn't fall off the sleigh just yesterday. I know better.

Well, here I am 12 hours into Christmas. It's been 4-1/2 hours since they left. The little box is humming away like a little angel with a festive carol stuffed in her halo. The freezer shelf is turning frosty just like a white Christmas I once remember. So far "The Box" has passed all other on-off records. Could this be a dream come true--on Christmas yet? In a couple months, the hot summer season starts creeping up on us, and a cold glass of water would taste so-o-o-o delightful coming out of that little ole' ice box...

Ah, a student just showed up with a couple of ice cream bars to celebrate the day with me. I know I won't eat mine quite yet. My frozen treat will go directly onto the freezer shelf, where I will retrieve it at my LEISURE later this afternoon when the temperatures hit the mid-80's. At that time, I will luxuriously thrust my sweaty hand into the man-made arctic air of my modern appliance and leave it there just long enough for a souvenir freezer-burn before extracting my frozen delight.

I can't resist a wide-eyed wonderment in the spirit of Dickens' Tiny Tim: "God bless us, every one!" followed by a slightly impish grin: "...and Merry Christmas to me!"

September 2009 note:
The little Whee-pooh continues to hum right along.
(The pristine days before mis-matched fender.)

Things I Haven't Seen in Six Weeks

2003-06-15T17:12:00.000+07:00

Every now and then it dawns on me out of the blue. I shake my head in disbelief. "Can it be?" I go through this mini-litany every time I realize that since I came to remote northeast Thailand 45 days ago, I haven't seen....

...a hamburger. Didn't know human life could exist without Mickey D and the Golden Arches. It probably would exist a lot longer without the fat-laden patties of ground dead cow tissue. OK, I'm trying to convince myself I don't miss those juicy Big Macs, shredded lettuce and special sauce. Disregard my knuckle-biting. Argh!

...a cross on a gold chain.

...a loaf of bread. There are a lot of bread-like pastries at the local 7-11 (filled with various flavors of bean curd), but I just get a blank stare when I ask about a "loaf". Rice does for Thai folks what bread and potatoes do for Americans (fill us up).

...a piece of meat bigger than a thumbnail. Meat here is a garnish, not a main dish. But when you're sick, meat is the suggested remedy (despite the fact that I was finally craving some kind of veggie or chicken soup with only a trace of meat flavor).

Mom's pot roast--a faint memory.

...a funeral home. The Thai substitute? The big Buddhist monastery next door to the school handles all funerary functions. There's a big cremation area with a tall smokestack I can see from my apartment. At night, when I smell something burning, I assume it's someone's garbage and I don't care to investigate further. My neighbor complains that it gives him nightmares of dead peoples' spirits from Hell coming to haunt him. He also claims that when he sleeps with his head to the west (position of the corpse on a funeral pyre) he also has the nightmares. Thus, no Thai people in this region sleep with their heads to the west.

...a shopping cart. I had that term as one of my class vocabulary words, but had to drop it, as the students had no idea what I was talking about. It's all hand-carry baskets here. Plus, no one buys any more groceries than they can carry in the small basket of their bicycle or motorbike, anyway. Why fill a shopping cart, if you can't transport the contents home?

...a check. It's a cash-only society here in Isan. Credit cards are rarely used, and when they are, a 3% surcharge is levied. If I use my credit card, I get this long apology about a 3% surcharge and then I have to dig out my passport so they can make a copy. A real hassle. Personal bookkeeping is real simple. I check my bank balance at the cash machine once a week, just like my lazy USA friends who didn't like to bother with a checkbook.

...a file folder. I have been to three stationery stores, the one department store, and three college/university supply stores. No one has ever seen or used a common file folder. I have organized for my entire life with file folders! With 14 classes (400 students), worksheets to review, and 400 tests a week to correct, my apartment is beginning to look like a paper recycling station. Paper everywhere in separate stacks. I've got to figure out how the Thai organize their paperwork, and learn it quick, before they have to use avalanche transponders to find me under the pile of white. (Because they surely won't find me in a file folder marked "J".)

..."normal" napkins. Thai napkins are the size of 1 square of toilet paper, and just as flimsy. They turn to white pulp around the moist corners of your mouth, and you walk away from a meal looking like you've been frothing at the mouth. It takes about 10 little squares just to wipe up from a normal meal. One of my friends in Oregon sent me a "care package" with good old American napkins (in red, white, and blue yet!). I'm the talk of the apartment complex. "Come see Mr. J's napkins! They look like bed sheets! Americans must be very messy when they eat!"

...doggy bags. You don't ask to take uneaten food home after a restaurant meal. Bad manners. So, I either don't order enough and walk away a little hungry, or order too much, and stuff myself, because I can't stand to see it go to waste. My Thai friends have no qualms about leaving half the food uneaten. Such a strange habit for such a poor area. It must have something to do with the lack of refrigeration in most of the farmers' and silk-weavers' homes; or, perhaps cooked food spoiling so quickly in this tropical heat. Meanwhile, I try to do my human-vacuum-cleaner-best to do justice to "all the starving children in ______ (used to be China) who don't have enough to eat". Nice side of the coin: due to the low-fat, low-cholesterol natural diet, here, I've lost about 10 pounds and kept it off. Try it. Stuff yourself with veggies and fruit, and watch the scales reward you!

...sponges that hold water. The Thai version is a flimsy plastic open-celled honey-combed four-inch square that will not hold more than a quarter-teaspoon of liquid. Again, my Oregon friend comes to the rescue in her care package. I use the sponge and then hide it. I don't want anyone to steal it, abuse it, or overuse it. It is my precious remnant of American kitchen life. Only I know where it is, under lock and key next to my passport, bank book, and birth certificate. Thai visitors: "Mr. J, where is that nice soft wiping thing you got from America?" I feign sleep or that I cannot understand their accent. So far so good. The secret is only with me and the 10,000 of you.

...American news, CNN or Reuters. International cable TV is about $30 a month (and $250 to install)--very high-priced for this economy. Most of the teachers and I use "local UBC cable" which is regional in Asia. I get two stations (Filipino and Japanese) which occasionally have news in English, one Vietnamese station from Hanoi, a station from India, an MTV international channel, and the rest (about 25 channels) in Thai. The Vietnamese station is government-controlled and has a great deal of political content--including long musical tributes to Communist leaders, present and past. The Indian station is 95% native comedy shows, and the humor appears somewhat juvenile to a Western observer. Embarrassment makes me keep channel-surfing. One Thai station is all American movies, but the actors' voices are dubbed in Thai. It is hilarious watching Harrison Ford and Sigourney Weaver talking in Thai.. I always laugh at the wrong times. The price is right: $20 to install and $3 a month. A good side-benefit: it's helping me keep up on my Japanese and Vietnamese. An excellent major benefit: forcing me to learn more Thai. When Julia Roberts, salivating, looks at a Thanksgiving turkey, points at her stomach and says "HEW MAK!" I know she probably just said "I'm hungry". I also find cartoons very educational--they're in simple Thai for small children....and me.

...a lawn. In the city, most houses go right up to the sidewalk. The backyard (if any) is utilitarian: a place for garbage, to hang clothes, maybe a storage shed or two, or a place for the family manufacturing business to operate. In the country, farmers don't mess with lawns (they often don't in the USA, either--take a drive through the backwaters of Eastern Washington or the deep South!). However, the school here is like living in the Garden of Eden (with the addition of lizards and ants, of course). With only 1 or 2 building maintenance men, the classrooms are a bit dilapidated and there's a lot of equipment which doesn't work (broken VCR's, etc.). However, the school employs 7 or 8 gardeners, showing where their priorities are. (I think about that as I look for glue at the local hardware store to replace the loose floor tiles in my classroom--on my own time, and on my personal budget--as all the teachers do!) Every day there is some major garden-related project going on at the campus. Fruit trees (mango, tamarind, lychee), tropical palms, flowering shrubs and trees abound. Tucked between classroom buildings are small red-brick walkways with luscious tropical flora on all sides. It seems like 75% of the plants are blooming all the time. Leaves and flowers are mammoth-sized. Most plants are accompanied by little placards stuck into the ground, with the plant names in Thai and Latin. There are cool marble picnic tables and benches (some under shady cupolas) strategically placed in and around the manicured gardens. It's like an $8 visit to the tropical arboretum under glass up in Vancouver, B.C. . Here, I get to walk through it all day for free. It provides a lot of shade (crucial in this country) and sense of peacefulness. A very nice benefit. Don't miss the lawn one bit.

...a church with a steeple. Yeah right. In the land of Buddha. A couple churches do exist in town, meeting in commercial buildings or nondescript structures. Congregations are poor, and their pastors do not go door to door every morning collecting Baht or breakfast as the Buddhist monks do. For some reason the monks stopped coming to my door at 6:00am. Maybe it was the pitiful "Oh please come in and join me for breakfast. It's just two bites of pineapple, but somehow I'll manage to share..." which sent them away guilt-ridden. Or the shock of seeing massive amounts of white-pale skin as I admonished, "Sorry about being half-naked with a towel around my waist, but I AM in the middle of a shower!" Or, I really think it must have been the incredulously-delivered, "WHAT? You're trying to get money out of a farang TEACHER in the poorest region of Thailand? Hello! (knocking on monk's bald head*). I'll be over to the monastery later this afternoon to collect MY donation!" Word got around. Don't bother the blasphemous farang. A couple of the monks are professors at the college. When we pass, they don't smile or stop to chat as the other professors do. They just pull their saffron robes about them, shake their heads, and do the Buddhist version of the "crossed index fingers warding off a vampire" and walk on. Message: "We don't do business with stingy farang." Oh well, gotta draw the line somewhere. I can get away with it as long as I am Mr. Director's pet.

...a bag full of rice without a live insect. You ALWAYS rinse your uncooked rice.

...a cup full of ice without a frozen insect. You get very skillful with your tongue as an instrument of selection/rejection.

...an open-air market without a fried insect. Delectable item for the discriminating palate, if you're a native of Isan.

...an exterminator. I can't find the word in my Thai dictionary. One of my e-mail correspondents suggested I call in an exterminator for the ants and lizards. I tried to describe the concept to one of my neighbors: "An exterminator is a man who comes to your house to get rid of little animals you don't want. Then you pay Baht to him." Response: a blank stare. Maybe they thought I was talking about the flea-bitten and diseased stray cats and dogs that commonly run around the school. They were probably thinking, "If you're having a problem with little animals, why don't you just eat them?"

SIDE BAR:

Last week I found a couple dozen ants going after some tiny crumb I left on the kitchen counter. As usual, I pounced upon them with glee--wiping, crushing, washing down the drain--in my own "The Terminator" impersonation. I think it was the first time one of my Thai friends caught me acting out this role. He gawked at me with a mixture of horror and concern. "Mr. J, why do you destroy these little creatures? They are only doing their natural thing!" It was Buddhist philosophy and Western culture going for a head-on collision.

"Well I'm doing MY natural thing!" went through my mind. I tried to explain how it is not good to have pests in one's house. I gave all the good American reasons.

"But Mr. J, they DO help to keep our kitchens clean when one forgets something on the counter or floor. They are only trying to help you. If you don't want the little visitors, then you must thoroughly clean the kitchen when you're through," he said, eyeing the pile of dirty dishes in my sink.

Oh. Rebuked and educated at the same time, in the gentle Thai way.

My kitchen is now crumb-less, and my visitors are less in numbers. Now they only come for the water in the sink, and I have generously given trespassing license to "the little creatures" for that. Now, one crumb on the floor, and I pounce on it with my former ant-exterminating fury (after assuring my Thai observer that there are no ants on the crumb).

And the Adventure Goes on...
JD

*Some poetic license is used to get my point across to the reader. No, I did not knock on any bald heads. Matter of fact, you don't touch ANY heads in Asia--bald or not. (An adult giving a blessing to younger children is excepted).

First Impressions, two weeks into it....

2003-05-16T17:16:00.004+07:00

Living in Thailand's remote northeast (Isaan) is . . .

...like camping (cold showers, squatting over a hole, lizards on the wall, cooking on a Coleman-type gas stove, dodging very large bats at night out in the school parking lot, etc.)

...remembering what it's like to drink pop from a bottle.

...having a non-electric haircut: Scissors-only with a straight-razor trim at the hairline. Shoulder massage and hot facial towel included. Cost: $1 Best-looking haircut I've had in decades.

...desperately needing paper clips, but the word isn't in either of my two dictionaries.

...signing 50 autographs a day for giddy college co-eds who have no idea how tough my English tests are going to be. Someday my autograph will be framed on their wall next to portraits of Ivan the Terrible, or Ghengis Khan.

...seeing a broom cart vendor pulling his little cart down the road with a style of broom which must go back several hundred years. Reflectors on the back of his cart? A couple dangling CD's.

...watching farmers plow their fields behind water buffaloes, cell phone up against their ear (farmer's ear, that is).

...trying to describe a "dish drying rack" to the shop keeper at the local outdoor market. I think I've scored a point. He returns from the back of the shop with an iron.

...reminding friends back home that "Taiwan" is out in the ocean somewhere. "Thailand" is the location of that famous Rogers & Hammerstein musical that portrayed a Siamese monarch and English tutor, but may not be named here, because the movie is banned.

...being far away in miles from friends and family, but still close to their hearts.

To Death and Back in Thailand

2003-05-10T08:14:00.001+07:00

What does a "farang" (foreigner) say in front of a crowd 300 mourners at a Buddhist funeral? Try "Khop khun khrap" 300 times or "Thank you (for coming)" as you hand out a three-pack of perfume, booklet, and hard candies as souvenirs of the event. Souvenirs from a funeral?

Last Friday, Mr. Director, our college president, sent word by student-courier: "Mr. Director would like to invite you to attend with him the funeral of his grandmother on Saturday." I was taken aback: inviting a farang to such a personal thing? I had only arrived in Thailand a few weeks back, and I hardly knew Mr. Director (and he knew less about me). What if I was the bawling type? What if I made some awful cultural gaffe at the funeral? Nevertheless, I knew this to be a gesture of honor, so I sent word back: "Please tell Mr. Director I would be honored to accompany him to such an important event." I had no idea how prophetic the work "important" would become.

At the least, I thought it might be a good chummy time to get to know Mr. Director personally. I pictured us motoring up to Sakorn Nokorn (about three-hour's drive) in his private car, and making small chit-chat along the way. He speaks good English, and so communication wouldn't be a huge problem. Since my apartment situation was still in limbo, this might be an opportune time to bring up the subject of still needing a place to live--not a totally altruistic motivation.

I arrived at the school at 8:00 a.m. Saturday per Mr. Director's instructions. I was unprepared for what met me. An entourage of three vans, one transport truck, and 40 people--mostly school administrators, teachers, some 20 close friends, and a traditional Thai dance troupe (which rode in the open back of a two-ton truck--like an army transport). One entire van was crammed with white military-type uniforms, to be worn by tenured teaching staff.

Mr. Director's car led the way up the mountain, and I was crammed into a van of administrators three cars back. So much for my apartment problem. A bit of small talk in the van (and I mean "small"' taking into account my knowledge of the Thai tongue!), and then everyone fell asleep. Fortunately, I brought my class schedule and course descriptions along so I could prepare for my first classes on Monday. About halfway, we stopped at a vineyard while everyone tasted the banana and pineapple wines made there. I took a look at the labels: about 1% alcohol, and mostly sweet fruity content. I opted for the cold water jug in the corner. I would need 100% of my faculties for what might lay ahead (and that 1% just might strike the Achilles heel).

The drive was spectacular. Winding our way up a 1,500-meter heavily wooded mountain, on top was one of King Rama's many palaces. He stays at this one in only November of each year. Everyone spoke in hushed tones as we passed by the gates on the main road. The sign was in glittering pink marble with gold flecks in it. My how the Thai love their king.

We arrived at the Buddhist temple compound in Sakhorn Nakorn about noon. Having still not received instructions, I still had no idea what to expect, say or do. Only at the last minute, before leaving, I had contacted a Thai teacher to find out what to wear. "White or black" was all I got. OK. I opted for a white shirt with black pants, compromiser that I am. While white is generally the color of death in Asia, I'm wondering if the black is borrowed from Western tradition. Don't know that one as yet. We piled out of the vehicles and after removing our shoes, were ushered into a secondary building with all glass walls and ceiling fans stirring the humid air. We sat on the floor and a feast was set before us: fried noodles, many spicy-hot nameless dishes, sliced mangoes with an accompanying sugar/salt/chilis mix in which to dip the pieces, and bottled water.

Surprisingly, it was a relaxed, almost festive atmosphere. It was then I began to realize that this was no ordinary funeral. It was actually the funeral of Mr. Director's wife's grandmother, or his "grandmother-in-law" ("in-law" is not a common description of relationships in Thailand). I was introduced to some of the other guests: travelers arriving from Pittsburgh, USA; Beijing, China; and Australia. Someone whispered in my ear that The King of Thailand, himself, had sent a flame (like the Olympic torch) from the Bangkok palace, with which to cremate the deceased--one of the highest honors a Thai can receive at death. It turns out "grandmother-in-law" had spawned two provincial governors in her lifetime. Her grandchildren were sprinkled throughout higher education, government, and religious institutions at the highest levels throughout the country. This was a woman much admired and well-known by hundreds if not thousands of Thai.

After lunch, there was a three-hour break in which the funeral participants readied themselves. I wandered through one of the preparation rooms as the Thai traditional dance troupe applied white makeup (all had to look very white, very dead), and highly ornamental gold crowns rising 12 to 15 inches above their heads. Men and women both wore lipstick, drawn eyebrows and rouge, representing spirits of the dead, gods and demons. After make up and costumes, it was almost impossible to tell the gender of the dancers.

In another preparation room, the faculty and administrators from the college readied themselves. White military-style uniforms (hat and all) were donned. Each administrator and long-standing professor had medals on their uniforms sent to them from the office of the King of Thailand, representing years of service, special accomplishments, and levels of rank within the school. As I wandered among them, each proudly explained their medals and it made for great conversation to get to know them better.

All this time, hundreds of guests streamed into the temple compound, taking their respective seats under a dark green canopy situated across a courtyard from the funeral pyre. The funeral pyre on which the body was laid, was a 75-foot-high temple-like structure draped in expensive purple and white silks with hundreds of thousands of fresh flowers adorning every exposed square inch of the structure. The event must have cost hundreds of thousands of US dollars. Red carpets seemed to roll out in every direction. In a covered structure to the left of the pyre, huge 30-foot gold statues of Buddhas sat as if supervising the whole affair with their straight-ahead gazes. Yellow-robed monks scurried in every direction with their own individual preparations. Anticipation began building for the event to begin at 3pm.

Ten minutes before the hour, Mr. Director, who seemed to be in charge of the whole affair, came over to my seat. "Mr. John, would you do the honor of participating in this most important ceremony for Grandmother?"

"Oh no!" I gasped inwardly. "Not at a funeral! I was just hoping to be a quiet observer. What if they expect me to chant to Buddha? What if they make me pick up the deceased's charred bones with chopsticks (a la Japanese custom)?" But I could see Mr. Director was intensely sincere in his desire to show me honor by this act of invitation. Mr. Director also knew I was not a Buddhist. I trusted that he would not put me in an awkward position. I followed him to the funeral pyre.

"Please stand here." He pointed at a large table laden with perfume, hard candy and a colored booklet which described the life and times of Grandmother. "At the end of the service, when the guests come individually to pay their respects to Grandmother, I would like you to give them 3 little gifts and thank them for coming. Would you please do that to honor me and the memory of Grandmother?

"Of course, Mr. Director, I will do my best." In my mind, I practiced my fledgling Thai words and the accompanying bow ("wai") with folded hands in front of my nose. How do I hand a gift and fold my hands at the same time? Would any guests be offended at this unnamed foreigner crashing their private event? What kind of expression do I wear on my face during the coming two-hour ceremony while standing at attention in the hot sun in front of this large crowd? Sad? Festive? Contemplative? Inquisitive? I arrived at "meditative".

In a few short minutes, I regretted not applying my 30 phf sunburn preventative to nose and ears before stationing myself next to the funeral pyre. The Thai tropical sun can burn North American white skin in just 30 minutes. The sweat began rolling off my face. My hair became dark and sticky-stringy. I knew big dark patches were beginning to blot my white shirt and pants. My tie started buckling with the heat and sweat. What a sight I must be.

Despite my own little tortures, the ceremony was fascinating. It began with the traditional dance troupe going through slow gyrations which I didn't know the human body could endure. Their white bodies of death sent shivers up my spine. The other-worldly music of deep drums and strange woodwind instruments added to the exotic air. I felt transported back to some distant place and ancient time.

This was followed by long stretches of chanting by the Buddhist monks. A kind administrator, Dr. S, came out to the pyre to stand next to me, explaining the ceremony. It was one of those rich on-site educational moments for which you'd give an arm and leg.

By twos, the hundreds of guests walked up the twenty or so steps to Grandmother's coffin to burn a white paper rose and place the ashes on her pyre. As they turned left and walked down the side steps, I placed a gift in their hand, did the bow-with-folded-hands thing, and thanked them for coming. Most broke into a wide smile and acted delightfully surprised that this foreigner would so willingly take part in the warp and woof of their culture. The privilege was immeasurably mine.

Another big meal followed the ceremony (attended by all 300-plus guests). I met and talked to people from all over the world: doctoral candidates from the USA, government officials, the province's head monk, and several administrators from universities throughout Thailand. Despite having such accomplished backgrounds, the Thai maintain a wonderful attitude of humility and down-to-earth personableness. No one trying to impress anyone here. I like it. I feel right at home and among instant friends. Such bright people. Such warmth. What treasures to come across in my experience.

I was invited by Mr. Director to ride home in his car with his life-long friend, Dr. S, and Mr. Director's nephew who drove. What a change from the formalities of the funeral. We told stories, joked and laughed the whole way, Mr. Director undoubtedly being relieved that his funeral responsibilities were complete; and I , because I made it through without being lynched by an angry mob for doing something stupid; and Dr . S, because he had a chance to practice his English for an upcoming speech at the APEC-related events in May.

Oh yes, the APEC meetings. Foreign ministers from 71 countries surrounding the Pacific Ocean, all coming to Isan for preliminary planning meetings at the end of May. M University and our college have been chosen as the hosting bodies for special related events here in our city. On our long drive home, Mr. Director made a decision about a dilemma of his: He felt his English was not good enough to give the opening address, nor does he want someone with a Thai accent to try to communicate with all those foreign guests. I saw the wheels turning in his head as we discussed his dilemma: "Who from our province should give the short welcoming address to our APEC visitors? Ah, the person who speaks the best un-accented English at the school? Of course! There's this new 'farang' in my car from America who seems to thrive on challenges!" Or stumbles in where angels fear to tread.

Mr. Director turned to me with another one of those imploring looks: "Mr. J, I hate to ask you this, so soon after your favor of today, but would you do me the honor of . . ."

But that's another story in itself.

And the Adventure Goes On...
JD

Post-story note (May 2005): Due to terrorist activity picking up in Thailand's south, security concerns moved the preliminary APEC meetings from Isan to Bangkok. My 15 minutes of fame will have to wait.

First Day in My New World

2003-05-01T17:53:00.001+07:00

[E-mail sent back home]

Hi Family,

Thanks again for smoothing my way to Thailand. All the help at the Saturday garage sales, follow-up cleaning at my house, taking me to the airport, etc. I hated to leave the departure lobby so quickly, but short and sweet was preferred to drawn-out and gut wrenching, wouldn't you say? I appreciate your tenderness, though. Just think of me as happy as a bug-in-a-humid-rug, getting to live a life I've only dreamed about for a couple decades. I am truly lucky and God-blessed.

I arrived in Thailand about 24 hours ago, fairly well-rested (slept about six hours on the flight). The plane was half empty, so I had a middle row of five seats I made into a bed with about six pillows and four blankets, plus my big winter coat I brought with me--oh yeah, like I'm gonna need that desperately!.

Because of the SARS epidemic, I went through 5 check-points at the Bangkok airport (interviews, taking my temperature, questionnaires to fill out, etc.). Apparently, I passed and don't have to wear the dreaded stuffy hot surgical mask (which I had to wear in transit at the Taiwan airport--miserable! Biggest hassle: it fogged up my reading glasses, so I couldn't enjoy my books I brought along!). Well, if that's the only trial I have to go through in this adventure, I get off pretty easy indeed!

Weather-wise, it’s not unbearably hot. I expected the high-90's (that was last week's weather, they tell me. Instead, it's about the mid-80's with high humidity. I'm sweatin' like the circus Fat Lady, but I believe I'll be used to it in just a few days.

The apartment for the foreign teacher, moi, is not yet ready (memories of Anna and the King movie), so I get to lay up in a three-star hotel for about $8 a night. Do-able, I'd say. Instead of shopping for bedding, a gas stove, and household items, I shopped for a bicycle (decided to wait on the motor bike), cell phone, and shirts for teaching. It's giving me a good chance to jump into the Thai language (today I learned my numbers 1-10 so I could start to understand the prices on unmarked items. Only a few thousand numbers to go!).

Tomorrow, I open a bank account, set up utilities, etc. All the stuff in reverse of what I've spent the last month doing back in the USA. I think my vocabulary will get a real stretch on that one. The student aide who met me yesterday in Bangkok, and has been tagging along on my excursions around town is already getting weary of all my questions and need for translation, so it is spurring me on to "get it on my own", and that's what I really needed (instead of relying on his brain).

As I jump into the culture, the thing most remarkable to me is how laid back everyone is. Even the negotiating for the bicycle price was a pretty docile affair. In just a few minutes, I got them to bring the price down considerably, they added fenders (nice for the coming rainy season) and a five-month guarantee. All with big smiles. No rancorous hard-driving debates. I wound up with an 18-speed mountain bike ("that's what the Mormon missionaries bought" I was informed by the helpful salesman), for about $90. Similar bike would have been $300-$400 in the states. I'm happy with it. It's blue with silver trim. Every place is flat around here, so pretty easy ridin'.
OK, not quite the Harley Davidson, leather and gold chains y'all had me pictured with.

I'm really, really enjoying myself already, and can't wait for school to open to plunge into a whole new work culture. Because I arrived with a few thousand dollars, I'm still living the illusion that I'm rich. Instead of taking the bus from the airport (which would have been agony, trying to haul my 200 lbs. of luggage on and off the bus), I rented a car and driver for the two-hour journey from the Isan airport to my town. Cost: $19. For lunch today, I bought for two people: very western spaghetti, chicken salad, orange juice, and two huge ice cream parfaits. Just under two dollars. For school, I bought two high-quality smooth cotton short sleeved dress shirts (one light blue, the other maroon-color) for three dollars each. I'm enjoying "living like a king" now, but I know reality will soon set in.

Take care everyone.

And the adventure goes on . . .